f minus 6 days and counting..
there might be more to follow up on this after therapy today, but i wanted to expand on something i said the other day: it's not just stigmas, i think i have started to shed inhibitions as well.
so much of my.. ok, fucking ALL of my life has been about keeping so much of my sex and gender identities hidden, obfuscated, masked, buried... that i really have no idea how much the control structure over my sexual identity is just.. a reaction to being deeply in denial of my truth.
as i integrate and accept some of the really fucked up things i did to myself over the decades, some inhibitions and avoidance behaviors now just seem.. irrelevant? obviously there's a little bit of minefield here: just as an example, if i decide it's time to start just slutting it up it's probably not going to go over well with my partner. and more concrete.. i'm becoming less shy about talking about sex, and am definitely less shy about showing off my body. not quite to point of posting nudes to unrestricted forums, but... i could see making that leap in the not too distant future (i'm not saying that's something i'm going to do, just.. that the terror of performing an act like that is heading towards zero).
i think the real outcome here is that i will need to end up re-evaluating my boundaries and my interactions with other people's boundaries. anyway, food for thought.
so much of my.. ok, fucking ALL of my life has been about keeping so much of my sex and gender identities hidden, obfuscated, masked, buried... that i really have no idea how much the control structure over my sexual identity is just.. a reaction to being deeply in denial of my truth.
as i integrate and accept some of the really fucked up things i did to myself over the decades, some inhibitions and avoidance behaviors now just seem.. irrelevant? obviously there's a little bit of minefield here: just as an example, if i decide it's time to start just slutting it up it's probably not going to go over well with my partner. and more concrete.. i'm becoming less shy about talking about sex, and am definitely less shy about showing off my body. not quite to point of posting nudes to unrestricted forums, but... i could see making that leap in the not too distant future (i'm not saying that's something i'm going to do, just.. that the terror of performing an act like that is heading towards zero).
i think the real outcome here is that i will need to end up re-evaluating my boundaries and my interactions with other people's boundaries. anyway, food for thought.