(no subject)
Long ago, some doctors decided I had ADD/ADHD. As a kid I did not want to believe them so I spurned their professional medical advice and instead developed complex coping mechanisms for my inability to focus. There's a whole discussion I could put together on how society conditions us to think of permanent medication as somehow admitting weakness and as a cis heteropassing male you can't just let yourself accept professional help even when you need it, but that's a long discussion and one that would take it's own post to unpack.
Now, in my mid 30s, I kinda wish I had listened.
Would medication have made life easier? Possibly, I can't be sure. I function decently, but it involves a lot of anxiety, regular reminders of everything I'm supposed to do in a day, documentation, and organization. Maybe without those things I could wing it better. Currently, I have to write stuff down and create clear and robust organizational schema, otherwise I will forget the location of just about anything I put down.
I forget words in the middle of sentences sometimes because there's a concept I know I and I'm headed toward it, but as I'm talking I realize I've forgotten the word.
Socialization is hard, and generally outside of my close friends I'm running on regularized scripts that I've found work with people. If you know me well, you'll notice I repeat stories and phrases with moderate regularity (hah, there's one phrase I like) because I know they're scripts that seem normal. Unfortunately in extended discussions with people I've recently met, I'll run out of scripts pretty fast. It's kind of why I cleave to the hobbies I do, because it adds more scripts, and things that I can be excited about with other people.
Anyway, I guess this is a long and rambling way of actually admitting to myself that the Doctors were probably right, and I should stop trying to pretend that I'm the *most normal human*
Now, in my mid 30s, I kinda wish I had listened.
Would medication have made life easier? Possibly, I can't be sure. I function decently, but it involves a lot of anxiety, regular reminders of everything I'm supposed to do in a day, documentation, and organization. Maybe without those things I could wing it better. Currently, I have to write stuff down and create clear and robust organizational schema, otherwise I will forget the location of just about anything I put down.
I forget words in the middle of sentences sometimes because there's a concept I know I and I'm headed toward it, but as I'm talking I realize I've forgotten the word.
Socialization is hard, and generally outside of my close friends I'm running on regularized scripts that I've found work with people. If you know me well, you'll notice I repeat stories and phrases with moderate regularity (hah, there's one phrase I like) because I know they're scripts that seem normal. Unfortunately in extended discussions with people I've recently met, I'll run out of scripts pretty fast. It's kind of why I cleave to the hobbies I do, because it adds more scripts, and things that I can be excited about with other people.
Anyway, I guess this is a long and rambling way of actually admitting to myself that the Doctors were probably right, and I should stop trying to pretend that I'm the *most normal human*