Okay, so I need more guy advice.
I was going to wait to post this until tomorrow, but I just can't stop thinking about it. Therefore, you get insecure whining now.
It's been almost a week since my date with Aharon, and I haven't heard from him since that night. He seemed a little thrown that I'd insisted on paying because I asked him out, so I was going to "let" him be the one to ask this time. He is the one who suggested at the end of our date that we should do it again sometime. Or is this a vague way to let someone down easy, and I just missed all the cues?
To help you understand where I am in my own head, here's a recap from my perspective:
Things that went well
~ We ended up talking for a couple hours, so theoretically we find each other intelligent and interesting. It was also pretty balanced, so one person wasn't monopolizing the conversation.
~ Lots of smiling and eye contact.
Things that were both good and bad
~ We realized that not only had we had the same mutual friends for years, we also took a class together in middle school. Fun because of the "It's A Small World" craziness of it all; weird because who wants someone to remember what they were like in middle school? (We actually don't remember each other, just working on the same project.)
~ We disagree on some pretty big social and political issues, but we were able to stay totally civil when talking about them.
~ We got to talking about some pretty heavy emotional baggage, which might have been a bad idea for a first date. On the other hand, while we both have quite a bit, at least we have coordinating sets.
Things that made me uncomfortable/nervous
~ There were a couple of awkward pauses where he was clearly expecting me to say something, and I froze like a complete dork.
~ None of the movies playing at the theatre were ones that I'd really wanted to see, so we went to see one he was interested in. I liked it, but I'm not sure how my initial indifference appeared to him.
~ He asked about David, which I guess is only natural, since I was spending a lot of time with him at the party. I explained that we'd been really good friends who tried to date and failed, and that the party was the first time we'd managed to reforge our friendship. Aharon asked when David and I had dated, and I answered that we got together after David's 21st birthday. At that point, Aharon blurted out, "Oh, so YOU'RE Christine!" Um, yes? (I am so tempted to ask David what the hell he's been saying about me, but I'm not sure I want to know the answer. Is ignorance bliss in this case? Update: David's response was pretty much "hahahaha, I don't remember. Are you interested in him?" *headdesk*)
~ I didn't go in thinking that I deserved a goodnight kiss, but Aharon kindof seemed to be putting up barriers all night anyway. He even put the armrest down between us in the movie theatre, despite the fact that he never used it and leaned on the other one instead. I thought about going for a goodnight hug, because I thought things went at least that well. But he had his hands in his pockets as he walked me to my car, and his body language as a whole screamed "distant". So we didn't touch at all at any time during our date. Weird or no?
So that's kindof how I saw it. At least for me, the pros of good vibe and good conversation won out over the cons of no touching and occasional awkwardness. But why hasn't he contacted me? Is it selfish of me to think that because I made the first move, he should make the next one, or is it normal to want evidence that someone is as interested in you as you are in them? Should I let him know when I'm free the next couple of weeks, or is that too presumptuous? Basically, I don't want to nag him if he's already decided it won't work, but I also don't want to sit around on my ass waiting for something that's only going to happen if I make it. So tell me, oh Great and Mysterious Guy Decoders, what should I do?
Added, because I just thought of it: I have a wedding coming up in December that I'd like to take him to. If he's sitting on the fence, is that likely to send him running the other direction? Obviously, we just started dating, so it's not about veiled expectations on my part; I just want the pleasure of his company. Do you think I should be clear about that if/when I ask him, or should I just suck it up and go alone? If I do ask him, I would need to do it relatively soon, as I need to RSVP with the correct number of people.
It's been almost a week since my date with Aharon, and I haven't heard from him since that night. He seemed a little thrown that I'd insisted on paying because I asked him out, so I was going to "let" him be the one to ask this time. He is the one who suggested at the end of our date that we should do it again sometime. Or is this a vague way to let someone down easy, and I just missed all the cues?
To help you understand where I am in my own head, here's a recap from my perspective:
Things that went well
~ We ended up talking for a couple hours, so theoretically we find each other intelligent and interesting. It was also pretty balanced, so one person wasn't monopolizing the conversation.
~ Lots of smiling and eye contact.
Things that were both good and bad
~ We realized that not only had we had the same mutual friends for years, we also took a class together in middle school. Fun because of the "It's A Small World" craziness of it all; weird because who wants someone to remember what they were like in middle school? (We actually don't remember each other, just working on the same project.)
~ We disagree on some pretty big social and political issues, but we were able to stay totally civil when talking about them.
~ We got to talking about some pretty heavy emotional baggage, which might have been a bad idea for a first date. On the other hand, while we both have quite a bit, at least we have coordinating sets.
Things that made me uncomfortable/nervous
~ There were a couple of awkward pauses where he was clearly expecting me to say something, and I froze like a complete dork.
~ None of the movies playing at the theatre were ones that I'd really wanted to see, so we went to see one he was interested in. I liked it, but I'm not sure how my initial indifference appeared to him.
~ He asked about David, which I guess is only natural, since I was spending a lot of time with him at the party. I explained that we'd been really good friends who tried to date and failed, and that the party was the first time we'd managed to reforge our friendship. Aharon asked when David and I had dated, and I answered that we got together after David's 21st birthday. At that point, Aharon blurted out, "Oh, so YOU'RE Christine!" Um, yes? (I am so tempted to ask David what the hell he's been saying about me, but I'm not sure I want to know the answer. Is ignorance bliss in this case? Update: David's response was pretty much "hahahaha, I don't remember. Are you interested in him?" *headdesk*)
~ I didn't go in thinking that I deserved a goodnight kiss, but Aharon kindof seemed to be putting up barriers all night anyway. He even put the armrest down between us in the movie theatre, despite the fact that he never used it and leaned on the other one instead. I thought about going for a goodnight hug, because I thought things went at least that well. But he had his hands in his pockets as he walked me to my car, and his body language as a whole screamed "distant". So we didn't touch at all at any time during our date. Weird or no?
So that's kindof how I saw it. At least for me, the pros of good vibe and good conversation won out over the cons of no touching and occasional awkwardness. But why hasn't he contacted me? Is it selfish of me to think that because I made the first move, he should make the next one, or is it normal to want evidence that someone is as interested in you as you are in them? Should I let him know when I'm free the next couple of weeks, or is that too presumptuous? Basically, I don't want to nag him if he's already decided it won't work, but I also don't want to sit around on my ass waiting for something that's only going to happen if I make it. So tell me, oh Great and Mysterious Guy Decoders, what should I do?
Added, because I just thought of it: I have a wedding coming up in December that I'd like to take him to. If he's sitting on the fence, is that likely to send him running the other direction? Obviously, we just started dating, so it's not about veiled expectations on my part; I just want the pleasure of his company. Do you think I should be clear about that if/when I ask him, or should I just suck it up and go alone? If I do ask him, I would need to do it relatively soon, as I need to RSVP with the correct number of people.