a thousand souls and nowhere to fly
been listening to music this morning while working.
i remember now, why i dont listen to it often.
b/c it makes me think a lot more than I usually allow myself.
the excuses fall to the wayside as truth becomes obvious.
sometimes it feels like many souls live inside of me
they all have an opinion, they all want to be heard.
sometimes i get sick of them shouting over eachother.
it makes it hard to think.
sometimes i think i'm crazy for thinking that.
sometimes i think i'm the only sane one...
for being able to recognize that we're all crazy
sometimes I hope that somebody reads this
mostly i hope that no one does.
because my moods change constantly
my mind changes constantly.
i'll go back and read something from a few weeks ago and feel completely different.
for a being that hates change so much
i sure do find myself surrounded in it constantly.
sometimes i'm scared that i'm running away from my spirituality
especially on days like today when it is punching me the face.
screaming to be heard.
i'm right here, i've always been.
please make time for me before its too late.
sometimes i think, what if heaven and hell are real?
and then i think, well of course they are.
today my demons are winning.
trying to find that balance is precarious.
is anyone listening to me?
i'm off balance.
teetering dangerously from one edge to the other
falling either way spells certain death
and yet i'm peering down, wondering...
what if i fall?
what if i jump?
or what if i finish walking this tightrope?
i wish i could wake the world up.
but i guess i should wish to wake myself up first.
stumbling around half-awake is just as bad
as being luke-warm.
does anybody hear me?
wishing and hoping and sometimes and never
are all a waste of energy because they are just words, and our beings
are not comprised of words but of energy.
our body is just a bunch of particles put together yet,
somehow we have a soul.
and in this soul is two separate beings,
me and I.
what makes us different than animals is the ability
of I to watch ME.
I can watch me.
I can observe me.
I'm observing me freaking out over nothing.
I'm observing the familiar flood of emotions that I allowed to take me over so long ago...
I need to do nothing, I need only to watch.
in saying that, I think I mean that
we need to stop doing
and start watching.
we need to stop trying to change the world
and instead look inwards and try to change ourselves.
the only wars are the wars within our minds.
i think i understand what Jesus meant.
but i only think...
we only think...
we never know.
sometimes i get scared, because I have already spent the last two years looking for truth
and the only thing i've found is that there is no such thing...
there is no truth!
only perception.
and as far as we're concerned, it's all limited.
and relative.
i wish people would stop thinking that this world revolves around them.
and their possessions.
i wish i could articulate these words out loud.
wishing and hoping
are useless things.
so many thoughts,
such little time.
i've wasted time, once again.
i remember now, why i dont listen to it often.
b/c it makes me think a lot more than I usually allow myself.
the excuses fall to the wayside as truth becomes obvious.
sometimes it feels like many souls live inside of me
they all have an opinion, they all want to be heard.
sometimes i get sick of them shouting over eachother.
it makes it hard to think.
sometimes i think i'm crazy for thinking that.
sometimes i think i'm the only sane one...
for being able to recognize that we're all crazy
sometimes I hope that somebody reads this
mostly i hope that no one does.
because my moods change constantly
my mind changes constantly.
i'll go back and read something from a few weeks ago and feel completely different.
for a being that hates change so much
i sure do find myself surrounded in it constantly.
sometimes i'm scared that i'm running away from my spirituality
especially on days like today when it is punching me the face.
screaming to be heard.
i'm right here, i've always been.
please make time for me before its too late.
sometimes i think, what if heaven and hell are real?
and then i think, well of course they are.
today my demons are winning.
trying to find that balance is precarious.
is anyone listening to me?
i'm off balance.
teetering dangerously from one edge to the other
falling either way spells certain death
and yet i'm peering down, wondering...
what if i fall?
what if i jump?
or what if i finish walking this tightrope?
i wish i could wake the world up.
but i guess i should wish to wake myself up first.
stumbling around half-awake is just as bad
as being luke-warm.
does anybody hear me?
wishing and hoping and sometimes and never
are all a waste of energy because they are just words, and our beings
are not comprised of words but of energy.
our body is just a bunch of particles put together yet,
somehow we have a soul.
and in this soul is two separate beings,
me and I.
what makes us different than animals is the ability
of I to watch ME.
I can watch me.
I can observe me.
I'm observing me freaking out over nothing.
I'm observing the familiar flood of emotions that I allowed to take me over so long ago...
I need to do nothing, I need only to watch.
in saying that, I think I mean that
we need to stop doing
and start watching.
we need to stop trying to change the world
and instead look inwards and try to change ourselves.
the only wars are the wars within our minds.
i think i understand what Jesus meant.
but i only think...
we only think...
we never know.
sometimes i get scared, because I have already spent the last two years looking for truth
and the only thing i've found is that there is no such thing...
there is no truth!
only perception.
and as far as we're concerned, it's all limited.
and relative.
i wish people would stop thinking that this world revolves around them.
and their possessions.
i wish i could articulate these words out loud.
wishing and hoping
are useless things.
so many thoughts,
such little time.
i've wasted time, once again.