The District: football/the west wing/political rpf au
Okay so. I don't even -- I feel like I should have some kind of personal entry here? I don't know. I spent Christmas in a little lodge in the nearly-inaccessible rainforest foothills of the Osa Peninsula, no phones/internet except one satellite phone that cost $10 to use, and it was so stunningly beautiful and amazing that I actually cried when I had to leave, actual tears, and I'm sure I have stuff to say about that? ("IT SUCKED" --Rave.) I did not touch my computer for that entire week. Which is probably a new record since I was about 8.
HOWEVER. As soon as I got on the plane I launched back into the labor of love on which I was embarking when I left. It's. pffffff. It is the rahmbamarama / The West Wing / Football Crossover AU / love-hate letter to my hometown that I have always wanted to write and just didn't know it. It's a fucking beast. Those of you who know nothing about football fandom and are not even mildly interested in it: canon knowledge is kind of irrelevant. I have compiled a cast list, even, to help you. (Ha ha, I did not do that to help you. I did it because I'm having some kind of episode.) Those of you who do know anything about football: I am so, so sorry.
So I'm. I'm just gonna post it, even though I haven't done anything else, like checked my messages or replied to comments or all that other important shit. Okay? Okay great. I gotta get the first part of it off my face before I can think about it anymore.
~*~DRAMATIS PERSONAE~*~
Casillas 2011: The Underdogs.
Iker Casillas. A serious young Fairfield State Senator, ready to go national (or at least everyone else apparently thinks so). Believes in truth, justice, and -- saddest of all -- the American Way.
Xabi Alonso. A campaign manager. Gentleman, scholar, epicure, and martyr to everyone's problems.
Cristiano Ronaldo. A press secretary. Everyone's problem.
Ricardo "Kaká" Dos Santos Leite. A communications director. Smiles too much.
Alvaro Arbeloa. A deputy campaign director. Eyes like dark chocolate, hug like a nice warm bath.
Sergio Canales. A dreamboat scheduler. Definitely legal. Okay, probably legal. Maybe.
Mesut Özil & Marcelo. Two interns, both alike in dignity.
Raul Albiol. A volunteer coordinator.
Alvaro Morata. A one-person volunteer army.
Nagore Aramburu. Singlehandedly keeping the Casillas campaign on the right side of the law.
Sergio Ramos. A security consultant. Infectious laugh, inflammable temper.
Gonzalo "Pipita" Higuain. An advance man and professional delight.
Sami Khedira. A field director. Lives in his car.
Ricky Carvalho. A pollster. Not optimistic about your chances.
Esteban Granero. Unofficial title: “Fix-My-Computer Guy.” Is available to DJ your warehouse party, if only you would ask.
Pepe Ferreira. A jack of all trades; a master of most.
Lass Diarra. A put-upon production team.
The Barça Daily: A Bastion.
Pep Guardiola. A beloved publisher.
Xavi. A terrifying editor-in-chief.
Carles Puyol. A business manager. In need of a haircut and some serious budget-cutting measures.
Andres Iniesta. A designer with opinions.
David Villa. A Very Big Deal.
Gerard Pique. A marketing consultant and bridge to the 21st century.
Leo Messi. An editorial intern (in theory); a news bureau (in fact)
Bojan Krkic. A managing editor, barely managing.
Victor Valdez. An automobile buff.
Ibrahim Afellay. A reluctant Culture Beat.
The EPL Group: A Full-Service Firm.
Javier "Chicharito" Hernandez. An overqualified receptionist.
Cesc Fabregas. A government relations associate with a secret.
Fernando Torres. A public relations associate without any.
Steven Gerrard. A Senior Vice President for Public Relations.
Pepe Reina. A drunk, or possibly an angel.
Jamie Carragher. An extremely good friend.
Alex Curran. A PR associate with priorities.
Ryan Babel & Lucas Leiva. Two associates with any number of issues.
David Silva. An indispensable assistant.
Raul Meireles. See previous.
Jasminder “Jess” Bhamra, Dirk Kuyt, Glen Johnson & Martin Skrtel. Four Vice Presidents (non-senior).
John Henry. A boss.
Linda Pizzuti, Sir Alex Ferguson & Arsene Wegner. A Board of Directors.
Perez Valdano LLP: A Legal Giant.
Florentino Perez. A formidable partner.
Jorge Valdano. A frustrating partner.
Zinedine Zidane. A legendary partner.
Sylvie Van der Vaart. A devastating partner.
Jose Mourinho. A Dark Lord-cum-managing partner. Your mama bear, or your worst nightmare. Sometimes both.
Karim Benzema, Fernando Llorente & Javi Martinez. Three first-year associates. Partners in misery.
Olalla Torres. A paralegal and mommyblogger. Fernando's partner.
Aitor Karanka. A (very) personal assistant.
Mikel Arteta. A litigator.
Michael Owen. A shark.
Gareth Bale. A prodigy.
Rui Faria. A driver.
The Feds: Your Tax Dollars At Work.
Congressman Malcolm Glazer (R-NJ07). A bad guy.
Congressman Yoann Gourcuff (R-LA02). The Hill's Most Beautiful.
Congresswoman Mia Hamm (D-MD08). A hero.
Brandi Chastain. A chief of staff.
Oguchi Onyewu. A legislative coordinator.
Carlos Bocanegra. A speechwriter.
Juan Mata. A highly-regarded expert.
Senator Rio Ferdinand (R-NY). A charmer.
Ryan Giggs. A right-hand man.
Senator Victoria Adams Beckham (D-CA). A big gun.
David Beckham. A trophy wife.
Mel Brown. A communications director. A little scary.
Joe Hart. An LA. Which, whatever he tells people, stands for “legislative assistant.” Not “legendary ass.”
Clint Dempsey. An overachiever.
Adam Johnson. A soon-to-be-ex-idealist.
Senator Raul Gonzalez (R-FA). A role model.
José María "Guti" Gutiérrez Hernández. A liability.
Re-Elect Rooney: The Incumbents.
Senator Wayne Rooney (R-FA). The Tea Party.
Frank Lampard. A rival campaign manager. Regarded by many as the best in the game.
Landon Donovan. A smooth operator.
The Women's Leadership Coalition: The Most Patronized Name In Politics.
Amy Gardner. President.
Sara Carbanero. An issues director with a megawatt smile (which you will probably not be seeing).
Hope Solo. The enforcer.
The Fourth Estate: Keeping the electorate informed-ish.
Diego Maradona. A talk-show host.
Katie Couric. The gotcha media.
Greta Van Sursteren. A serious journalist.
Glenn Beck. A patriot.
Rachel Maddow. A brain.
Ana Marie Cox. Cute bark, nasty bite.
Jon Stewart. A satirist, mostly.
Stephen Colbert. Is America, and so can you.
Daniel Agger. A tattooist and part-time blogger.
Sian Massey. The new girl at Talking Points Memo.
Meghan Stapleton. A cable-access news anchor.
Anderson Cooper. A silver fox.
Miscellaneous: D.C. Is Not A One-Industry Town.
Carlota Fabregas. A college student.
Theo Walcott. A fuckin hipster.
Jack Wilshire. A bro.
Lily-Ella & Lexie Gerrard. Two latchkey urchins.
Thomas Müeller. An au pair.
Mats Hummels. His predecessor; retains fond memories of Xabi.
Emmanuel Adebayor. The (presumptive) voice of young black Fairfield.
Rafael "Rafa" Nadal. A philanthropist.
Vincente Del Bosque. A power broker.
Aitor Ocio. A new boyfriend. A personal trainer. Oh, and also Mr. February in the D.C. Volunteer Fire Department’s charity calendar. No big. Want to see a picture? Want to see twelve pictures?
Mikel Alonso. A voice of reason.
Unai Casillas. A pain in the ass.
Artur Boruc. A maniac.
Chad Ochocinco. Child, you should know.
Dolores Aveiro. A dedicated mom.
Mamen Sanz. A doctor.
Sami Hyypia. An ex-operative.
Wesley Sneijder. A do-gooder.
Arne Friedrich. A white knight.
Rafa Benitez. An ex-candidate.
Ashley Cole. A cautionary tale.
Juliette “Jules” Paxton. A professional footballer.
Roy Hodgson. An embarrassment.
Tom Hicks & George Gillett. Disgraced hedge-fund managers.
Dr. Barack Obama. A Constitutional Law professor.
Rahm Emanuel. An artistic director at the Washington Ballet.
FourFingersFury. A BLOG COMMENTER WHO TAKES F***ING UMBRAGE TO WHATEVER PUS-WEEPING TRAVESTY OF A F***ING "OPINION" YOU FOUND IN YOUR F***ING DIAPER THIS MORNING, YOU CHILDISH-ASS “FISCAL CONSERVATIVE” FASCIST F***ING ILLITERATE TEABAGGING MOTHERF***ER, YEAH I F***ING MEAN YOU, YOU PATHETIC D***LESS T****-FUNGUS, SERIOUSLY I WOULD F***ING SET THE WHOLE F***ING INTERNET ON FIRE IF IT MEANT YOU’RE DUMB F***ING ASS WOULD BURN YOU STUPID SH**BAG
*-- OOPS, SHOULD BE “YOUR” DUMB F***ING ASS, F***STICK
PART ONE.
HOWEVER. As soon as I got on the plane I launched back into the labor of love on which I was embarking when I left. It's. pffffff. It is the rahmbamarama / The West Wing / Football Crossover AU / love-hate letter to my hometown that I have always wanted to write and just didn't know it. It's a fucking beast. Those of you who know nothing about football fandom and are not even mildly interested in it: canon knowledge is kind of irrelevant. I have compiled a cast list, even, to help you. (Ha ha, I did not do that to help you. I did it because I'm having some kind of episode.) Those of you who do know anything about football: I am so, so sorry.
So I'm. I'm just gonna post it, even though I haven't done anything else, like checked my messages or replied to comments or all that other important shit. Okay? Okay great. I gotta get the first part of it off my face before I can think about it anymore.
~*~DRAMATIS PERSONAE~*~
Casillas 2011: The Underdogs.
Iker Casillas. A serious young Fairfield State Senator, ready to go national (or at least everyone else apparently thinks so). Believes in truth, justice, and -- saddest of all -- the American Way.
Xabi Alonso. A campaign manager. Gentleman, scholar, epicure, and martyr to everyone's problems.
Cristiano Ronaldo. A press secretary. Everyone's problem.
Ricardo "Kaká" Dos Santos Leite. A communications director. Smiles too much.
Alvaro Arbeloa. A deputy campaign director. Eyes like dark chocolate, hug like a nice warm bath.
Sergio Canales. A dreamboat scheduler. Definitely legal. Okay, probably legal. Maybe.
Mesut Özil & Marcelo. Two interns, both alike in dignity.
Raul Albiol. A volunteer coordinator.
Alvaro Morata. A one-person volunteer army.
Nagore Aramburu. Singlehandedly keeping the Casillas campaign on the right side of the law.
Sergio Ramos. A security consultant. Infectious laugh, inflammable temper.
Gonzalo "Pipita" Higuain. An advance man and professional delight.
Sami Khedira. A field director. Lives in his car.
Ricky Carvalho. A pollster. Not optimistic about your chances.
Esteban Granero. Unofficial title: “Fix-My-Computer Guy.” Is available to DJ your warehouse party, if only you would ask.
Pepe Ferreira. A jack of all trades; a master of most.
Lass Diarra. A put-upon production team.
The Barça Daily: A Bastion.
Pep Guardiola. A beloved publisher.
Xavi. A terrifying editor-in-chief.
Carles Puyol. A business manager. In need of a haircut and some serious budget-cutting measures.
Andres Iniesta. A designer with opinions.
David Villa. A Very Big Deal.
Gerard Pique. A marketing consultant and bridge to the 21st century.
Leo Messi. An editorial intern (in theory); a news bureau (in fact)
Bojan Krkic. A managing editor, barely managing.
Victor Valdez. An automobile buff.
Ibrahim Afellay. A reluctant Culture Beat.
The EPL Group: A Full-Service Firm.
Javier "Chicharito" Hernandez. An overqualified receptionist.
Cesc Fabregas. A government relations associate with a secret.
Fernando Torres. A public relations associate without any.
Steven Gerrard. A Senior Vice President for Public Relations.
Pepe Reina. A drunk, or possibly an angel.
Jamie Carragher. An extremely good friend.
Alex Curran. A PR associate with priorities.
Ryan Babel & Lucas Leiva. Two associates with any number of issues.
David Silva. An indispensable assistant.
Raul Meireles. See previous.
Jasminder “Jess” Bhamra, Dirk Kuyt, Glen Johnson & Martin Skrtel. Four Vice Presidents (non-senior).
John Henry. A boss.
Linda Pizzuti, Sir Alex Ferguson & Arsene Wegner. A Board of Directors.
Perez Valdano LLP: A Legal Giant.
Florentino Perez. A formidable partner.
Jorge Valdano. A frustrating partner.
Zinedine Zidane. A legendary partner.
Sylvie Van der Vaart. A devastating partner.
Jose Mourinho. A Dark Lord-cum-managing partner. Your mama bear, or your worst nightmare. Sometimes both.
Karim Benzema, Fernando Llorente & Javi Martinez. Three first-year associates. Partners in misery.
Olalla Torres. A paralegal and mommyblogger. Fernando's partner.
Aitor Karanka. A (very) personal assistant.
Mikel Arteta. A litigator.
Michael Owen. A shark.
Gareth Bale. A prodigy.
Rui Faria. A driver.
The Feds: Your Tax Dollars At Work.
Congressman Malcolm Glazer (R-NJ07). A bad guy.
Congressman Yoann Gourcuff (R-LA02). The Hill's Most Beautiful.
Congresswoman Mia Hamm (D-MD08). A hero.
Brandi Chastain. A chief of staff.
Oguchi Onyewu. A legislative coordinator.
Carlos Bocanegra. A speechwriter.
Juan Mata. A highly-regarded expert.
Senator Rio Ferdinand (R-NY). A charmer.
Ryan Giggs. A right-hand man.
Senator Victoria Adams Beckham (D-CA). A big gun.
David Beckham. A trophy wife.
Mel Brown. A communications director. A little scary.
Joe Hart. An LA. Which, whatever he tells people, stands for “legislative assistant.” Not “legendary ass.”
Clint Dempsey. An overachiever.
Adam Johnson. A soon-to-be-ex-idealist.
Senator Raul Gonzalez (R-FA). A role model.
José María "Guti" Gutiérrez Hernández. A liability.
Re-Elect Rooney: The Incumbents.
Senator Wayne Rooney (R-FA). The Tea Party.
Frank Lampard. A rival campaign manager. Regarded by many as the best in the game.
Landon Donovan. A smooth operator.
The Women's Leadership Coalition: The Most Patronized Name In Politics.
Amy Gardner. President.
Sara Carbanero. An issues director with a megawatt smile (which you will probably not be seeing).
Hope Solo. The enforcer.
The Fourth Estate: Keeping the electorate informed-ish.
Diego Maradona. A talk-show host.
Katie Couric. The gotcha media.
Greta Van Sursteren. A serious journalist.
Glenn Beck. A patriot.
Rachel Maddow. A brain.
Ana Marie Cox. Cute bark, nasty bite.
Jon Stewart. A satirist, mostly.
Stephen Colbert. Is America, and so can you.
Daniel Agger. A tattooist and part-time blogger.
Sian Massey. The new girl at Talking Points Memo.
Meghan Stapleton. A cable-access news anchor.
Anderson Cooper. A silver fox.
Miscellaneous: D.C. Is Not A One-Industry Town.
Carlota Fabregas. A college student.
Theo Walcott. A fuckin hipster.
Jack Wilshire. A bro.
Lily-Ella & Lexie Gerrard. Two latchkey urchins.
Thomas Müeller. An au pair.
Mats Hummels. His predecessor; retains fond memories of Xabi.
Emmanuel Adebayor. The (presumptive) voice of young black Fairfield.
Rafael "Rafa" Nadal. A philanthropist.
Vincente Del Bosque. A power broker.
Aitor Ocio. A new boyfriend. A personal trainer. Oh, and also Mr. February in the D.C. Volunteer Fire Department’s charity calendar. No big. Want to see a picture? Want to see twelve pictures?
Mikel Alonso. A voice of reason.
Unai Casillas. A pain in the ass.
Artur Boruc. A maniac.
Chad Ochocinco. Child, you should know.
Dolores Aveiro. A dedicated mom.
Mamen Sanz. A doctor.
Sami Hyypia. An ex-operative.
Wesley Sneijder. A do-gooder.
Arne Friedrich. A white knight.
Rafa Benitez. An ex-candidate.
Ashley Cole. A cautionary tale.
Juliette “Jules” Paxton. A professional footballer.
Roy Hodgson. An embarrassment.
Tom Hicks & George Gillett. Disgraced hedge-fund managers.
Dr. Barack Obama. A Constitutional Law professor.
Rahm Emanuel. An artistic director at the Washington Ballet.
FourFingersFury. A BLOG COMMENTER WHO TAKES F***ING UMBRAGE TO WHATEVER PUS-WEEPING TRAVESTY OF A F***ING "OPINION" YOU FOUND IN YOUR F***ING DIAPER THIS MORNING, YOU CHILDISH-ASS “FISCAL CONSERVATIVE” FASCIST F***ING ILLITERATE TEABAGGING MOTHERF***ER, YEAH I F***ING MEAN YOU, YOU PATHETIC D***LESS T****-FUNGUS, SERIOUSLY I WOULD F***ING SET THE WHOLE F***ING INTERNET ON FIRE IF IT MEANT YOU’RE DUMB F***ING ASS WOULD BURN YOU STUPID SH**BAG
*-- OOPS, SHOULD BE “YOUR” DUMB F***ING ASS, F***STICK
PART ONE.