i will be ok
so things happen.
circumstances of my life are so not fair. i surrender. whatever...i will do you stupid fucking NA meetings. I will be clean while i am in your house. i will get a job. i will get a car soon. i will get on with my life and never have to live under your rules again eventually. i am not sorry. i am so not fucking sorry that my diease is ruining your lifes...thats ridciulous. my life is so circumstantiaol and i just have to make my circumstances different i guess. i cut again ...if they are going to force me to live a better life then i just wont let see...i dont hate me...i just hate free will. i hate the world. i hate religion. i hate politics. i hate rules. i hate NA...i hate the fellowship...i am being very much selfish, immature, and childlike about this whole thing...i know its all my fault. i know what i have to do to change it. i just dont want them to make me. but i wasnt going to change nething myself so whatever. whatever. whatever. ugh i surrender...i am not sick and tired...im not sick and tired of being sick and tired. yes my life is unmanagble ...but thats b/c i dont want to manage it right now. and so now i have to do this in order to not be homeless...i am going to miss being high and drunk so much...i am so sad. so lonely. so alone...i dont want anybody to know me ever again. shannon doesnt know me. yet hahahaha in my face yet another time...well then wtf is next? fuck her. fuck that...she doesnt even accepct me and like me anymore now that i am not straight and clean. ugh ...she doesnt know me...anyone that knows me knows i am not straight...she hasnt known me for a long time...and im not going to show any of these mother fuckers hve me either. fuck em all...and their NA lingo blah blah...errrrrr i surrdener...fine Kevin, Shannon, Mom, Grandma and everyone else waiting for me to humble myself and ask for help...well i dont belive i need help. i just give up and let them win so i wont have to sleep outside or break up my mommmys happy little home.
circumstances of my life are so not fair. i surrender. whatever...i will do you stupid fucking NA meetings. I will be clean while i am in your house. i will get a job. i will get a car soon. i will get on with my life and never have to live under your rules again eventually. i am not sorry. i am so not fucking sorry that my diease is ruining your lifes...thats ridciulous. my life is so circumstantiaol and i just have to make my circumstances different i guess. i cut again ...if they are going to force me to live a better life then i just wont let see...i dont hate me...i just hate free will. i hate the world. i hate religion. i hate politics. i hate rules. i hate NA...i hate the fellowship...i am being very much selfish, immature, and childlike about this whole thing...i know its all my fault. i know what i have to do to change it. i just dont want them to make me. but i wasnt going to change nething myself so whatever. whatever. whatever. ugh i surrender...i am not sick and tired...im not sick and tired of being sick and tired. yes my life is unmanagble ...but thats b/c i dont want to manage it right now. and so now i have to do this in order to not be homeless...i am going to miss being high and drunk so much...i am so sad. so lonely. so alone...i dont want anybody to know me ever again. shannon doesnt know me. yet hahahaha in my face yet another time...well then wtf is next? fuck her. fuck that...she doesnt even accepct me and like me anymore now that i am not straight and clean. ugh ...she doesnt know me...anyone that knows me knows i am not straight...she hasnt known me for a long time...and im not going to show any of these mother fuckers hve me either. fuck em all...and their NA lingo blah blah...errrrrr i surrdener...fine Kevin, Shannon, Mom, Grandma and everyone else waiting for me to humble myself and ask for help...well i dont belive i need help. i just give up and let them win so i wont have to sleep outside or break up my mommmys happy little home.