(no subject)
I have no idea what im doing here. I cant think. I want to scream and shout.
I'm sitting on the couch in my living room, my wonderful, loving, caring husband is sitting not 2 metres away playing on the xbox and i'm quietly falling apart, my chest is tight and my skin itches. I need to let this out.
I can't hide from him- he knows what i'm like, what i've done in the past. I feel so guilty for even thinking of it, I had a 2.5 childhood. Money (enough), loving parents (still together), older brother (arse- but still there), friends (sort of)... i love him and i dont want to dissapoint. My parents think i'm going to kill myself- i can hear the worry when i say i've had a bad day. Navy guy said i'd be swinging from a rope in a year (hah, made it to five.. prick).
theres no one i can talk to. image is too important- everything has to be perfect. my friends are.. not the kind to talk to about this. Drink yes. talk no. Family- family is lovely but.. image.
This makes no sense. I'm sorry. I have no idea what i'm doing here. I need a friend, I need someone to talk to. I need to know i'm not a freak. I need to know theres an element of normality here. I need.. I dont know (lie). I know what i need but I can't...I promised. Never mind. I dont know.
Hi. My names ash.. I'm not normally like this. most ppl think i'm fine. I have no idea if this is the right thing to do. I just needed to vent. try to connect. i'm ok.
I'm sitting on the couch in my living room, my wonderful, loving, caring husband is sitting not 2 metres away playing on the xbox and i'm quietly falling apart, my chest is tight and my skin itches. I need to let this out.
I can't hide from him- he knows what i'm like, what i've done in the past. I feel so guilty for even thinking of it, I had a 2.5 childhood. Money (enough), loving parents (still together), older brother (arse- but still there), friends (sort of)... i love him and i dont want to dissapoint. My parents think i'm going to kill myself- i can hear the worry when i say i've had a bad day. Navy guy said i'd be swinging from a rope in a year (hah, made it to five.. prick).
theres no one i can talk to. image is too important- everything has to be perfect. my friends are.. not the kind to talk to about this. Drink yes. talk no. Family- family is lovely but.. image.
This makes no sense. I'm sorry. I have no idea what i'm doing here. I need a friend, I need someone to talk to. I need to know i'm not a freak. I need to know theres an element of normality here. I need.. I dont know (lie). I know what i need but I can't...I promised. Never mind. I dont know.
Hi. My names ash.. I'm not normally like this. most ppl think i'm fine. I have no idea if this is the right thing to do. I just needed to vent. try to connect. i'm ok.