Fic: Party Like It's 1569
Party Like It’s 1569
by me, doctorpancakes
Fandom: Mighty Boosh
Pairing: Howard/Vince
Rating: PG
Word Count: 679
Author’s Notes: For trumpetsandbookmarks, who asked for a Howard/Vince time-travel story for Christmas.
Vince gazed in wonderment and longing at the gentleman rushing past them down the palace corridor.
“Did you see his jacket?” asked Vince. “It was well wizard! I’m asking him where he got it.”
“Careful, Little Man,” said Howard, restraining his companion, “the time-watch of Rasgoolio is a powerful tool, which brings with it great responsibility.”
“Oh come off it, Howard,” scoffed Vince. “It looks like a Casio stopwatch from the 80s.”
“It got us to the sixteenth century,” countered Howard, gazing thinkingly off into the distance. “We mustn’t interfere in any way that could upset the timeline. Your buying a jacket could very well rip a hole in the very fabric of time and space.”
His statement was punctuated with the kind of gesture Vince assumed was meant to represent time and space, but looked more like Howard was indicating that they might accidentally tear the brocade curtains over the window.
“It’s only a bloody jacket,” pouted Vince.
“We’re here to collect a soil sample, and that’s it,” said Howard firmly.
“You’re no fun,” moaned Vince. “Intrepid explorer Howard Moon, collecting soil samples? Don’t you just want to go mess about a bit? Get dressed up, crash a few parties, eat a few meat pies?”
“I’ll have you know, sir, that Howard Moon is - ”
Vince never did get the chance to find out what ridiculously overblown statement Howard was about to say about himself, as they found themselves face to face with a rather surprised ginger lady in only her underpinnings.
“What in God’s name do you think you’re doing?” she demanded, hands on hips. “How did you get past the guards?”
“Think we’ve been spotted,” whispered Vince, “and I think we’ve just seen the queen in her knickers.”
“Oh, dear, pardon, umm, Ma’am, we, umm,” flustered Howard, bowing profusely.
“Have you taken leave of your senses, sir?” she asked. “Are you his minder?”
“Nah, he’s all right, really, just doesn’t meet a lot of queens of England is all,” smiled Vince. “I’m Vince Noir, and this here’s Howard Moon.”
“Your Majesty,” said Howard, bowing some more.
“Gentlemen,” nodded the queen. “Or… lady?”
“Yeah, I get that a lot,” beamed Vince. “We must have got turned round and wound up in the wrong corridor. Sorry about the bother, we’ll leave you to it, then, yeah?”
“Indeed,” said the queen, seeming to examine Howard and Vince in great detail, “but first, tell me one thing: you speak so strangely, you’re dressed in such a bizarre manner, and you appear in the queen’s private chambers unannounced. Who are you, really? Where do you come from?”
“We come from the future,” said Vince, just before Howard elbowed him hard in the ribcage. “Fuck’s sake, Howard, what?”
“Oh I see,” she smiled. “You must be the evening’s entertainment, mustn’t you! What entertaining nonsense.”
“Yep,” nodded Howard nervously, “yep, yes, that’s us, entertainers. Hey, presto!”
His statement was punctuated by unconvincingly twinkly jazz hands.
“In that case, I can see why you were confused,” replied the queen, “but the entertainment is to be held in the winter parlour, west wing. Straight down that corridor, past the guards, past the entrance hall, three rooms down. I shall be present, and dressed, directly. Off you go, then!”
She waved them off, leaving Howard an unmistakable pat on the bottom as a parting gift.
“That was Queen Elizabeth the First,” said Howard, blushing like 457098346865.1 bright ginger wigs.
“And I think she fancies you, Howard,” said Vince, tightening his grip on Howard’s elbow.
“Well, naturally someone of her royal stature would recognize a handsome sexual dinosaur when she sees one,” said Howard, puffing himself up slightly.
“You know what? Fuck your soil samples, we should get out of here before she tries it on again. He’s mine, Your Majesty!” shouted Vince as they disappeared back through time.
by me, doctorpancakes
Fandom: Mighty Boosh
Pairing: Howard/Vince
Rating: PG
Word Count: 679
Author’s Notes: For trumpetsandbookmarks, who asked for a Howard/Vince time-travel story for Christmas.
Vince gazed in wonderment and longing at the gentleman rushing past them down the palace corridor.
“Did you see his jacket?” asked Vince. “It was well wizard! I’m asking him where he got it.”
“Careful, Little Man,” said Howard, restraining his companion, “the time-watch of Rasgoolio is a powerful tool, which brings with it great responsibility.”
“Oh come off it, Howard,” scoffed Vince. “It looks like a Casio stopwatch from the 80s.”
“It got us to the sixteenth century,” countered Howard, gazing thinkingly off into the distance. “We mustn’t interfere in any way that could upset the timeline. Your buying a jacket could very well rip a hole in the very fabric of time and space.”
His statement was punctuated with the kind of gesture Vince assumed was meant to represent time and space, but looked more like Howard was indicating that they might accidentally tear the brocade curtains over the window.
“It’s only a bloody jacket,” pouted Vince.
“We’re here to collect a soil sample, and that’s it,” said Howard firmly.
“You’re no fun,” moaned Vince. “Intrepid explorer Howard Moon, collecting soil samples? Don’t you just want to go mess about a bit? Get dressed up, crash a few parties, eat a few meat pies?”
“I’ll have you know, sir, that Howard Moon is - ”
Vince never did get the chance to find out what ridiculously overblown statement Howard was about to say about himself, as they found themselves face to face with a rather surprised ginger lady in only her underpinnings.
“What in God’s name do you think you’re doing?” she demanded, hands on hips. “How did you get past the guards?”
“Think we’ve been spotted,” whispered Vince, “and I think we’ve just seen the queen in her knickers.”
“Oh, dear, pardon, umm, Ma’am, we, umm,” flustered Howard, bowing profusely.
“Have you taken leave of your senses, sir?” she asked. “Are you his minder?”
“Nah, he’s all right, really, just doesn’t meet a lot of queens of England is all,” smiled Vince. “I’m Vince Noir, and this here’s Howard Moon.”
“Your Majesty,” said Howard, bowing some more.
“Gentlemen,” nodded the queen. “Or… lady?”
“Yeah, I get that a lot,” beamed Vince. “We must have got turned round and wound up in the wrong corridor. Sorry about the bother, we’ll leave you to it, then, yeah?”
“Indeed,” said the queen, seeming to examine Howard and Vince in great detail, “but first, tell me one thing: you speak so strangely, you’re dressed in such a bizarre manner, and you appear in the queen’s private chambers unannounced. Who are you, really? Where do you come from?”
“We come from the future,” said Vince, just before Howard elbowed him hard in the ribcage. “Fuck’s sake, Howard, what?”
“Oh I see,” she smiled. “You must be the evening’s entertainment, mustn’t you! What entertaining nonsense.”
“Yep,” nodded Howard nervously, “yep, yes, that’s us, entertainers. Hey, presto!”
His statement was punctuated by unconvincingly twinkly jazz hands.
“In that case, I can see why you were confused,” replied the queen, “but the entertainment is to be held in the winter parlour, west wing. Straight down that corridor, past the guards, past the entrance hall, three rooms down. I shall be present, and dressed, directly. Off you go, then!”
She waved them off, leaving Howard an unmistakable pat on the bottom as a parting gift.
“That was Queen Elizabeth the First,” said Howard, blushing like 457098346865.1 bright ginger wigs.
“And I think she fancies you, Howard,” said Vince, tightening his grip on Howard’s elbow.
“Well, naturally someone of her royal stature would recognize a handsome sexual dinosaur when she sees one,” said Howard, puffing himself up slightly.
“You know what? Fuck your soil samples, we should get out of here before she tries it on again. He’s mine, Your Majesty!” shouted Vince as they disappeared back through time.