As I get um, older..
...things seem to conspire on certain days to make me think a lot about how far I've come and what exactly is going to happen to me in the future.
You look back and think where you thought you'd be now (especially at my age, nearing one of those years that ends in a zero) and you are stunned at what you have and haven't accomplished. Some things you never thought you'd work through (and some you never even were aware of enough to see as a problem), and others you haven't gotten to and wonder if you will (time constraints on some things) or if it's even necessary, or that you'll take a different path to that destination.
I was at Costco today, waiting on the tire shop (slow leak in tire turned out to be a finishing nail between treads - he had to take the tire off the rim to find it, and now it's good as new. So I wandered a lot, looking at things and having a laughing fit when I heard a very clear, piping child's voice from behind me say "that lady has blue hair, mommy!" Later, in Target, I was reminded how this process changes - a teenage girl with her mother caught my eye as we passed and she blurted out "I love your hair!" with that rushed cadence that says 'I didn't think I had the guts to talk to a stranger like that, but I had to - and did!' I thanked her and smiled, and wondered about how things change as we get older in so many ways.
So, I'm in Costco, trying to remember which Beatles albums I have on CD (since they had a bunch, and the divorce put gaps in my collection, which is frustrating). I bought Abbey Road but it turns out I have it but not Revolver, so I get to go back and exchange. Of course, I played the CD when I got home and unpacked my stuff, and a number of things came to me (a couple of these I've had a conversation with
chryslerpoet one time listening to the Beatles, so this'll sound familiar).
1. I remember listening to this album (yes, the black disc, the 12x12 cardboard sleeve, etc) and staring at the cover as a kid. I think that's why I didn't listen to that era of music for a while, some really strange associations. Glad I can listen to this music and enjoy again.
2. I am listening to a CD and I'm waiting for the part in "I Want You (She's So Heavy)" where it cuts out abrubtly mid-music at the end of side one (again, the black vinyl thingie)
and know exactly where it is, anticipating it just the second before it cuts off like the needle fell off the end of the record and it feels like I'm bracing for a fall. Brilliant still. It worked on me as a child, and it still does. Damn, George Martin was a genius producer (I only say "was" because he doesn't produce any more).
3. Damn mashups. I can't listen to something without hearing Trina's "Nann Ho" in the breaks ("ain't nobody fucks like me...") - ask me to play that one for you sometime. :)
4. "You Never Give Me Your Money" always left me a bit confused as a kid - what are they giving him instead of money - is it "funny papers?" I know, I could look it up.
5. The suite of songs on side 2 are perfect together like that. I mean, "Mean Mr Mustard" has a sister Pam that works in a shop, she never stops, she's a go-getter...into "Polythene Pam" (she's so good looking but she looks like a man - those lyrics in 1969? Whoa), etc.....
6. " Golden Slumbers" still makes me cry, thinking of something like Sleeping Beauty, and I'm four or five years old sitting in front of that record player with the album cover in my hand, all sad.
7. "Carry That Weight" chugs along and then stops as that staccato piano chord changes the mood totally and brings it to a close...
8. ....except for that wait and then "Her Majesty" (for the longest time, I had no idea what that track was called) - "I wanna tell her that I love her a lot, but I gotta get a belly full of wine..." as a teen, that made a lot of sense to me, but as an adult, I see it as cute but a bit odd. Again, the track just stops - again, making me think the needle fell off the end of the record like the end of the earth.
Not even getting into the barefoot, "Paul is dead" thing. Ironic, considering he's already outlived half of the band.
Music has that power to bring me back to a place - sometimes many places - and vividly remember the feelings and sometimes the places. I'll always be happy that I chose to be so involved with music and bringing it to others - because music has that power, just like poetry and prose. I'm sitting here wondering what I'll play the first night in my new house. Somehow, that's always been important to me when I move into a new place (especially a house) and this one is so special to me for so many reasons, I'm thinking long and hard on it.
I guess I'd better think quicker. I found out today that my closing date has been moved up to November 30th (instead of December 15th) - holy crap, it's actually going to happen! I kept thinking how long it would be, and now *BAM* there it is. I finished paperwork this morning and faxed it to the broker (moving money around in accounts and showing proof of what came from where and went where - oooh, I'm a playa now LOL), and I have a commitment letter and a mover scheduled, and tomorrow we'll see when the lawyer can schedule the closing - either on the morning of the 29th (better, because the seller uses the proceeds from this house to close on her other one) or the 30th.
Yes, I'm thinking a birthday party is going to happen. This is so strange, my first house, I closed just before Thanksgiving. This time, it's right after (and I'm hoping this one is where I'll stay for a good, long time). Things really do come 'round in circles.
Maybe being an adult isn't so bad after all - at least some times. To the two people who read through all this rambling - much love. :)
You look back and think where you thought you'd be now (especially at my age, nearing one of those years that ends in a zero) and you are stunned at what you have and haven't accomplished. Some things you never thought you'd work through (and some you never even were aware of enough to see as a problem), and others you haven't gotten to and wonder if you will (time constraints on some things) or if it's even necessary, or that you'll take a different path to that destination.
I was at Costco today, waiting on the tire shop (slow leak in tire turned out to be a finishing nail between treads - he had to take the tire off the rim to find it, and now it's good as new. So I wandered a lot, looking at things and having a laughing fit when I heard a very clear, piping child's voice from behind me say "that lady has blue hair, mommy!" Later, in Target, I was reminded how this process changes - a teenage girl with her mother caught my eye as we passed and she blurted out "I love your hair!" with that rushed cadence that says 'I didn't think I had the guts to talk to a stranger like that, but I had to - and did!' I thanked her and smiled, and wondered about how things change as we get older in so many ways.
So, I'm in Costco, trying to remember which Beatles albums I have on CD (since they had a bunch, and the divorce put gaps in my collection, which is frustrating). I bought Abbey Road but it turns out I have it but not Revolver, so I get to go back and exchange. Of course, I played the CD when I got home and unpacked my stuff, and a number of things came to me (a couple of these I've had a conversation with
chryslerpoet one time listening to the Beatles, so this'll sound familiar).
1. I remember listening to this album (yes, the black disc, the 12x12 cardboard sleeve, etc) and staring at the cover as a kid. I think that's why I didn't listen to that era of music for a while, some really strange associations. Glad I can listen to this music and enjoy again.
2. I am listening to a CD and I'm waiting for the part in "I Want You (She's So Heavy)" where it cuts out abrubtly mid-music at the end of side one (again, the black vinyl thingie)
and know exactly where it is, anticipating it just the second before it cuts off like the needle fell off the end of the record and it feels like I'm bracing for a fall. Brilliant still. It worked on me as a child, and it still does. Damn, George Martin was a genius producer (I only say "was" because he doesn't produce any more).
3. Damn mashups. I can't listen to something without hearing Trina's "Nann Ho" in the breaks ("ain't nobody fucks like me...") - ask me to play that one for you sometime. :)
4. "You Never Give Me Your Money" always left me a bit confused as a kid - what are they giving him instead of money - is it "funny papers?" I know, I could look it up.
5. The suite of songs on side 2 are perfect together like that. I mean, "Mean Mr Mustard" has a sister Pam that works in a shop, she never stops, she's a go-getter...into "Polythene Pam" (she's so good looking but she looks like a man - those lyrics in 1969? Whoa), etc.....
6. " Golden Slumbers" still makes me cry, thinking of something like Sleeping Beauty, and I'm four or five years old sitting in front of that record player with the album cover in my hand, all sad.
7. "Carry That Weight" chugs along and then stops as that staccato piano chord changes the mood totally and brings it to a close...
8. ....except for that wait and then "Her Majesty" (for the longest time, I had no idea what that track was called) - "I wanna tell her that I love her a lot, but I gotta get a belly full of wine..." as a teen, that made a lot of sense to me, but as an adult, I see it as cute but a bit odd. Again, the track just stops - again, making me think the needle fell off the end of the record like the end of the earth.
Not even getting into the barefoot, "Paul is dead" thing. Ironic, considering he's already outlived half of the band.
Music has that power to bring me back to a place - sometimes many places - and vividly remember the feelings and sometimes the places. I'll always be happy that I chose to be so involved with music and bringing it to others - because music has that power, just like poetry and prose. I'm sitting here wondering what I'll play the first night in my new house. Somehow, that's always been important to me when I move into a new place (especially a house) and this one is so special to me for so many reasons, I'm thinking long and hard on it.
I guess I'd better think quicker. I found out today that my closing date has been moved up to November 30th (instead of December 15th) - holy crap, it's actually going to happen! I kept thinking how long it would be, and now *BAM* there it is. I finished paperwork this morning and faxed it to the broker (moving money around in accounts and showing proof of what came from where and went where - oooh, I'm a playa now LOL), and I have a commitment letter and a mover scheduled, and tomorrow we'll see when the lawyer can schedule the closing - either on the morning of the 29th (better, because the seller uses the proceeds from this house to close on her other one) or the 30th.
Yes, I'm thinking a birthday party is going to happen. This is so strange, my first house, I closed just before Thanksgiving. This time, it's right after (and I'm hoping this one is where I'll stay for a good, long time). Things really do come 'round in circles.
Maybe being an adult isn't so bad after all - at least some times. To the two people who read through all this rambling - much love. :)