As Someone Pointed Out...
...I haven't updated in a long time.
This is very true. I needed a push to get my off my ass and do what I should have been doing - keeping touch with my friends. I've kind of gotten sucked into Facebook, and that instant gratification fooled me into thinking I was communicating. Don't get me wrong - I was, but it wasn't the same as sitting down and writing long, thought-provoking (for me, at least) entries.
One of my tendencies is to attach to people and write them excessively. Usually it's a man, and usually there's a romantic context involved. Inevitably, it fizzles out, although sometimes it ends with a bang (whimper optional). I'm realizing that this need to attach before I can delve into the writing can be a dangerous thing - if I feel like that's the only way I can communicate in that depth, I'm constantly looking for the next candidate for it.
See, this is the thing. I write every day. The 365/365 is getting me writing, but that's poetry. Although I'm about ten poems behind, I've already written more then I did all of last year, so I'm sticking with it. I've always written, though, whether it's the letters or the LJ entries.
In the last year, I've started to explore the world of BDSM, following up on tendencies I've had for a long time, although they've mostly been dormant. I don't think I've gone into it much here, although I've talked to a couple of people about it, sometimes at length. It's not like I was trying to hide it, but I had placed this filter in my mind of kink and non-kink, especially when it comes to my writing. One of my friends told me I should check out FetLife, and when I landed there, I started writing there - a lot. There are people who are my friends there who "get" that side of me. Although I was learning things that were helping me grow as a person and were worthy of writing about, they also related to my submissive tendencies and explorations into BDSM, so I felt like I couldn't talk about them here.
See, I don't want to overload my friends. Or do that "non-consensual" thing where I drag you into a discussion that goes somewhere you had *no* interest in thinking about, much less reading. I hate the feeling that I have to put a fence between parts of me when I'm writing, so by default I just wrote it on my FetLife journal. But doing that meant I wasn't really writing here, and it bothered me.
So, as I'm getting into new habits as part of this new year, I'm going to try and see if I can integrate the two in some way. I've always liked the way I can filter my LiveJournal content and restrict it to only the people I want to see (something that FetLife doesn't offer). I'll probably set my friends filter for things that are overtly BDSM-related very small to begin with. If you feel like it's something you might be interested in hearing or even talking about, let me know. I'm not into anything really freaky (well, it's all relative, isn't it?) and as a couple of my friends know, there are a lot of interesting facets to the issues of power exchange and control in D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationships. Exploring this has helped me learn a lot about who I am and what I do in the everyday world as well as the sexual one.
So, I'm back. You've been warned.
Edit: I've screened comments so if you don't feel comfortable telling the whole world that you're comfortable with hearing about my kink, they won't have to see it. :) I'm cool like that.
This is very true. I needed a push to get my off my ass and do what I should have been doing - keeping touch with my friends. I've kind of gotten sucked into Facebook, and that instant gratification fooled me into thinking I was communicating. Don't get me wrong - I was, but it wasn't the same as sitting down and writing long, thought-provoking (for me, at least) entries.
One of my tendencies is to attach to people and write them excessively. Usually it's a man, and usually there's a romantic context involved. Inevitably, it fizzles out, although sometimes it ends with a bang (whimper optional). I'm realizing that this need to attach before I can delve into the writing can be a dangerous thing - if I feel like that's the only way I can communicate in that depth, I'm constantly looking for the next candidate for it.
See, this is the thing. I write every day. The 365/365 is getting me writing, but that's poetry. Although I'm about ten poems behind, I've already written more then I did all of last year, so I'm sticking with it. I've always written, though, whether it's the letters or the LJ entries.
In the last year, I've started to explore the world of BDSM, following up on tendencies I've had for a long time, although they've mostly been dormant. I don't think I've gone into it much here, although I've talked to a couple of people about it, sometimes at length. It's not like I was trying to hide it, but I had placed this filter in my mind of kink and non-kink, especially when it comes to my writing. One of my friends told me I should check out FetLife, and when I landed there, I started writing there - a lot. There are people who are my friends there who "get" that side of me. Although I was learning things that were helping me grow as a person and were worthy of writing about, they also related to my submissive tendencies and explorations into BDSM, so I felt like I couldn't talk about them here.
See, I don't want to overload my friends. Or do that "non-consensual" thing where I drag you into a discussion that goes somewhere you had *no* interest in thinking about, much less reading. I hate the feeling that I have to put a fence between parts of me when I'm writing, so by default I just wrote it on my FetLife journal. But doing that meant I wasn't really writing here, and it bothered me.
So, as I'm getting into new habits as part of this new year, I'm going to try and see if I can integrate the two in some way. I've always liked the way I can filter my LiveJournal content and restrict it to only the people I want to see (something that FetLife doesn't offer). I'll probably set my friends filter for things that are overtly BDSM-related very small to begin with. If you feel like it's something you might be interested in hearing or even talking about, let me know. I'm not into anything really freaky (well, it's all relative, isn't it?) and as a couple of my friends know, there are a lot of interesting facets to the issues of power exchange and control in D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationships. Exploring this has helped me learn a lot about who I am and what I do in the everyday world as well as the sexual one.
So, I'm back. You've been warned.
Edit: I've screened comments so if you don't feel comfortable telling the whole world that you're comfortable with hearing about my kink, they won't have to see it. :) I'm cool like that.