"honesty shouldn't be thanked, it should be expected"
...wise words of a friend that had the guts to be honest and open with me today. This was sent to me after I thanked him for being honest. With this message a whole new level of respect grew for this person and one that will never fade away.
Today I woke up to the crappiest day of the week....it's called Monday...or as I like to call it...Hellday...
As I got to work in the morning I was listening to my ipod, checking my grindr, livejounral, facebook, ping and my message inbox to check if there was a reply from what was now beginning to do my head in... It was no-ones fault but mine, I would to take my time in replying to a bombshell that was dropped on you whilst having a good night out with your mates...and it was my fault cause I was letting this do my head in. Knowing full well that whatever reply I get would still have a positive outcome.
At work I was keeping myself busy, trying not to think about it and focus on getting through the day....at about 10AM I was starting to lose control...however instead of doing my own head...I did a friends of mine (Thanks Amy! Xx) Blabbering over email and probably not making sense what so ever...but she seemed to get the gist of it...and told me to give in and message him again....which I did.
After I messaged him I then also decided to check my Grindr and was surprised to find a message waiting from him from 40 misn earlier, i replied and then realised that I had started 2 conversations and now was waiting on 2 replies instead of one.... By that point Amy was ready to hand me over a brown paper bag so I wouldn't hyperventilate in the middle of the office....over-reaction? Probably...but then I can be a drama queen at times.
The only 2 people that knew what was going on were Amy and Cass....Amy was calming me over email...Cass was calming me over SMS...during this we hit the busiest part of the morning so I had to freeze and focus on work.
Then at midday, my phone vibrated....after a scream to which the person across from me said WTF was that? ...I read the message..
And so he wants to be just friends....the message was quite long and i had to scroll on my iphone to read the whole thing....after reading it a few times I replied...and thanked him for his honesty...to which he replied my Journal Subject.
How did I feel? Relieved and thankful that there are still people out there that have the balls to be honest...and not ignore it like the option was given to...but just face it head on...I guess the only problem is that now he was even more amazing...but I had to accept the fact that he was just an amazing friend...who would be honest with me and be there for me when he could...at the end of the day...what more could I ask for?
The rest of the day flew and I continued to keep my head occupied because my brain was running into What If? mode...I got home and spent a nice evening with my beautiful housemates.
Conclusion (As discussed with Alex)...I feel weird...Sad because he is an amazing guy....pretty much the perfect package by my standards...someone who I wouldn't have second thoughts about (and it's been a long time since that)...someone I could spend hours talking to with no thought of running out of conversation and someone that could actually make my stomach turn from just a hug or even a thought of how that person makes me feel...
But I also feel happy....because all of those things could make a hell of an amazing friendship...A friendship that I already share and treasure with a few people....as they say...one can never have too many true friends....
He also made me realise that I may be ready to settle down...or at least that I can feel that way about someone once again... and for that I have nothing more then to thank him.
Today I would like to thank the following people...Amy and Cass for putting up with me going crazy and helping me keep control of my thoughts...Alex for being all those things I mentioned above (minus the fuzzy stomach feeling....could be awkward!)...My mum for not asking me what's wrong and allowing me to come and speak to her about all this once I'm ready (like I always do)...My housemates for being there for me, making me laugh and feel amazing from such roller-coaster off a day....for everyone that reads my blog and finds my thoughts somewhat interesting which inspires me to update this...Anna...just because I love you and after last night's talk..we so need to catch up *hugs* and last...my crush...for being honest, open and amazing!
If I missed anyone, please feel free to abuse me...
Thanks for reading and goodnight.
Xxox
Today I woke up to the crappiest day of the week....it's called Monday...or as I like to call it...Hellday...
As I got to work in the morning I was listening to my ipod, checking my grindr, livejounral, facebook, ping and my message inbox to check if there was a reply from what was now beginning to do my head in... It was no-ones fault but mine, I would to take my time in replying to a bombshell that was dropped on you whilst having a good night out with your mates...and it was my fault cause I was letting this do my head in. Knowing full well that whatever reply I get would still have a positive outcome.
At work I was keeping myself busy, trying not to think about it and focus on getting through the day....at about 10AM I was starting to lose control...however instead of doing my own head...I did a friends of mine (Thanks Amy! Xx) Blabbering over email and probably not making sense what so ever...but she seemed to get the gist of it...and told me to give in and message him again....which I did.
After I messaged him I then also decided to check my Grindr and was surprised to find a message waiting from him from 40 misn earlier, i replied and then realised that I had started 2 conversations and now was waiting on 2 replies instead of one.... By that point Amy was ready to hand me over a brown paper bag so I wouldn't hyperventilate in the middle of the office....over-reaction? Probably...but then I can be a drama queen at times.
The only 2 people that knew what was going on were Amy and Cass....Amy was calming me over email...Cass was calming me over SMS...during this we hit the busiest part of the morning so I had to freeze and focus on work.
Then at midday, my phone vibrated....after a scream to which the person across from me said WTF was that? ...I read the message..
And so he wants to be just friends....the message was quite long and i had to scroll on my iphone to read the whole thing....after reading it a few times I replied...and thanked him for his honesty...to which he replied my Journal Subject.
How did I feel? Relieved and thankful that there are still people out there that have the balls to be honest...and not ignore it like the option was given to...but just face it head on...I guess the only problem is that now he was even more amazing...but I had to accept the fact that he was just an amazing friend...who would be honest with me and be there for me when he could...at the end of the day...what more could I ask for?
The rest of the day flew and I continued to keep my head occupied because my brain was running into What If? mode...I got home and spent a nice evening with my beautiful housemates.
Conclusion (As discussed with Alex)...I feel weird...Sad because he is an amazing guy....pretty much the perfect package by my standards...someone who I wouldn't have second thoughts about (and it's been a long time since that)...someone I could spend hours talking to with no thought of running out of conversation and someone that could actually make my stomach turn from just a hug or even a thought of how that person makes me feel...
But I also feel happy....because all of those things could make a hell of an amazing friendship...A friendship that I already share and treasure with a few people....as they say...one can never have too many true friends....
He also made me realise that I may be ready to settle down...or at least that I can feel that way about someone once again... and for that I have nothing more then to thank him.
Today I would like to thank the following people...Amy and Cass for putting up with me going crazy and helping me keep control of my thoughts...Alex for being all those things I mentioned above (minus the fuzzy stomach feeling....could be awkward!)...My mum for not asking me what's wrong and allowing me to come and speak to her about all this once I'm ready (like I always do)...My housemates for being there for me, making me laugh and feel amazing from such roller-coaster off a day....for everyone that reads my blog and finds my thoughts somewhat interesting which inspires me to update this...Anna...just because I love you and after last night's talk..we so need to catch up *hugs* and last...my crush...for being honest, open and amazing!
If I missed anyone, please feel free to abuse me...
Thanks for reading and goodnight.
Xxox