(no subject)
Sometimes I feel so sorry for this baby I am carrying, for having a mother who is so fucked up and unhappy in life. I feel like whatever happens, whatever I do to try and make things better in my life it just doesn't work out. I may have moments or glimpses of a life that could be or the person that i could be or the happiness that could be and then it is gone, as though it never were and the hopelessness returns. I feel like I am destined to be a cliche. Either because at the age of 40 or 45 I leave my family to go "find myself" or what the fuck ever or because living is simply too much and I decide to stop doing it.
That isn't what I want but for fucks sake I have hit rock bottom what seems like hundreds of times and I just stay there. It's just so hard and i am so tired. I think about the future, and I just see black and nothingness.
That isn't what I want but for fucks sake I have hit rock bottom what seems like hundreds of times and I just stay there. It's just so hard and i am so tired. I think about the future, and I just see black and nothingness.