I can't comprehend...

[digging_a_ditch]

One moment I think I've got it, and the next it's gone. I just can't comprehend the whole thing. It really messes with me. And when it does, I can't even bear it. So much to the point that I feel I have to turn to absolutely disgusting and completely unnecessary so called "escapes" to the life I seem to have aquired.

I just want to free my mind of all the troubles and temptations I have grown to think I need to be able to be happy. I know that I can be happy without it because I have been happy without it at one point. The problem is that life has finally sunk into my very existance and everything up to this point has been placed in front of me by other people. I don't know how to make life right without some pathetic excuse for "help".

I wish I could explain this better, but it's really the only way I know how to express it. I just know that...ah, I'll write more some other time...