Isolation
One thing I've noticed among ED people especially is the tendency to cancel out of plans at the last minute. I am SO guilty of doing this. I make plans with friends the full intention of following them through but then when the day actually rolls around I have the hardest time making myself actually go and meet up with the person. I usually feel too fat/tired/unmotivated/anti-social to actually meet up. One of my resolutions this year has been to STOP ISOLATING myself. Sadly, I suck. I still cancel on people at the last minute and I know that doesn't win me any friends but I can't stop doing it. It's hard to leave the house when you feel so ugly and don't want anyone else to witness your ugliness. I've already lost to many friends because they don't want to "watch me die from this ED" in their words (exaggeration much?) The last thing I need is to do is lose the remaining friends I do have because I've turned into so much of a flake.
The funny thing is that the people I am motivated to go out with are my other ED treatment friends. However, when you get 2 ED'd people together trying to make plans and both people have the tendency to cancel plans at the last minute, it gets pretty much impossible. I want to have a normal life where I can enjoy the company of others without feeling paralyzed by the fear of: what food will be there, what will I eat, how will I not draw attention to what I'm NOT eating, how can I let anyone see me when I feel so fat and unworthy.
I don't want to end up alone - an old crazy lady muttering to herself shut in her dark room, forgotten by the world.
The funny thing is that the people I am motivated to go out with are my other ED treatment friends. However, when you get 2 ED'd people together trying to make plans and both people have the tendency to cancel plans at the last minute, it gets pretty much impossible. I want to have a normal life where I can enjoy the company of others without feeling paralyzed by the fear of: what food will be there, what will I eat, how will I not draw attention to what I'm NOT eating, how can I let anyone see me when I feel so fat and unworthy.
I don't want to end up alone - an old crazy lady muttering to herself shut in her dark room, forgotten by the world.