"Disastrous" IP
I'm afraid to say too much because I might jinx it but I've been doing a lot better with some of the ED 'behaviors'.
I just had a doctor's appointment at the hospital. I was totally shocked to hear that the doc thought my last IP admission was "disastrous" (her exact word) and I accomplished nothing or close to nothing. Whoa, HARSH! Ok, I admit it was extremely difficult and being certified and having my decision making rights taken away from me was NOT fun but I came around in the end and I was somewhat following a meal plan by the time I was discharged. I thought I did pretty well. Obviously they do not. Hence the OP tube feeding. I wish they trusted me. Maybe I haven't given them a reason to, but to call my admission a "disaster"… it shouldn't bother me but it does. Fuck this. I don't need to be perfect all the time and even in treatment I strive to be a 'good patient'. Well, I failed miserably this time, eh?
She wants us to set specific goals for the next admission so it's more successful.
The most annoying thing about it is that when I tried to ask for clarification about why she thought IP went so badly, she kept saying condescendingly, you're just "not perceiving reality correctly and why don't you work on your cognitive distortions with K (my therapist)". She's writing me off before really listening to me. No matter what I say she won't hear it anyway.
The one semi-good thing about my appointment is that they strongly reccommend that I go on disability and go to a longer *6+ months* treatment program, maybe Mercy Ministries or if I can somehow afford it, Renfrew or Remuda or one of the fancy shmancy private American centres. They've got the disability forms and at least 3 doctors and 2 psychologists backing the reccommendation. However, I feel like others at work would judge me if I did go through with it and go on disability leave because technically I CAN and DO work full-time. Yes, I sometimes fall asleep at my desk and make more mistakes than I should but I still get the job done. DISability = Not able. I am able, just not 100% able. I really need to think this one over.
I just had a doctor's appointment at the hospital. I was totally shocked to hear that the doc thought my last IP admission was "disastrous" (her exact word) and I accomplished nothing or close to nothing. Whoa, HARSH! Ok, I admit it was extremely difficult and being certified and having my decision making rights taken away from me was NOT fun but I came around in the end and I was somewhat following a meal plan by the time I was discharged. I thought I did pretty well. Obviously they do not. Hence the OP tube feeding. I wish they trusted me. Maybe I haven't given them a reason to, but to call my admission a "disaster"… it shouldn't bother me but it does. Fuck this. I don't need to be perfect all the time and even in treatment I strive to be a 'good patient'. Well, I failed miserably this time, eh?
She wants us to set specific goals for the next admission so it's more successful.
The most annoying thing about it is that when I tried to ask for clarification about why she thought IP went so badly, she kept saying condescendingly, you're just "not perceiving reality correctly and why don't you work on your cognitive distortions with K (my therapist)". She's writing me off before really listening to me. No matter what I say she won't hear it anyway.
The one semi-good thing about my appointment is that they strongly reccommend that I go on disability and go to a longer *6+ months* treatment program, maybe Mercy Ministries or if I can somehow afford it, Renfrew or Remuda or one of the fancy shmancy private American centres. They've got the disability forms and at least 3 doctors and 2 psychologists backing the reccommendation. However, I feel like others at work would judge me if I did go through with it and go on disability leave because technically I CAN and DO work full-time. Yes, I sometimes fall asleep at my desk and make more mistakes than I should but I still get the job done. DISability = Not able. I am able, just not 100% able. I really need to think this one over.