Snarky D and the Messed-Up Musical Munch
A couple of weeks ago, the man and I attended our first munch. For the uninitiated, a munch is a social event, usually held at a restaurant or diner, where kinksters get together and talk without any play involved. We met some nice people: S- an educated lady who's into bi politics and pride; P- courteous young man who's just trying to find a kinky girlfriend without deluding anybody or playing any games; and B-, a laid-back ex-military guy who, unfortunately, is moving out of state.
There were also the annoying folks. Harpy Holding Court indicated that a seat to our left was to be occupied only by her boyfriend, who didn't arrive for an hour after we sat down, making seating in our area pretty awkward. Clueless Sub Boy sat directly across from me, seemingly intent on becoming my world. It took him about five minutes to realize Mr. Tungsten and I were actually together. The facts that my husband and I were sitting in adjacent chairs, spoke to each other with familiarity didn't register at all . "I'm a sub!" he announced at an extremely awkward moment. Even at this type of event it was the non-sequitur to end them all.
But the kicker came late in the dinner. B-'s imminent departure had caused the local Diva Wannabe to declare it time for a song. Without much of a preamble she got up and went into this rendition of You'll Never Walk Alone that, frankly, assaulted my senses.
Now let's get things straight. I'm not a professional. When I sing in the car, or the shower, or at karaoke, I'm sometimes off tempo and sometimes off key. But my friends are musicians -- serious ones, with many performances and CDs to their names. And over the years I've learned a few things.
1) Some people love opera so much that they really do get misty-eyed when their favorite aria comes on. But like bluegrass, like punk, in fact like most kinds of music, opera is a NICHE MARKET. You do not get up an impromptu performance, assuming everybody will just adore you. You inform people. You give them time to visit the restroom or make some other graceful exit, taking into account that they may not be ready for your music at that particular time and place.
2) If you're in a small room, with low, beamed ceilings and lots of hard surfaces, you do NOT belt out your tune at full volume. You MODULATE YOUR VOICE to take into account the acoustics and dimensions of the space. Sure, it's impressive that you can hold a G at 120 dB for a full 30 seconds but SAVE IT FOR THE CONCERT HALL, LADY. ASSUMING YOU EVER GET INTO ONE, OMG, WTF, MEH.
3) Wherever possible, UNDERSTATE ANY EMOTING THAT YOU DO. Your sentiments will only come across as über-scmaltzy to the people who don't know you. And at a public place, where newcomers are supposed to be welcome, most people won't know you, or your life, or your connection to this departing friend.
*sighs loudly and returns to her cave*