May 13, 2011 23:35
She finds herself sitting in a dim-lighted café. In front of her is a steamy hot tea which she likes the most and also, a man she loves with all her heart who is staring at her intently. The atmosphere is dark, somehow heavy and suffocating. Silence filled their surrounding as they keep looking into each other’s eyes. No words spoken, just heavy sighs coming from him. She starts to feel worried, starts to feel dizzy as he keeps glancing back and forth from the window to her face. Wondering what actually is happening, she gathers her courage to brush his hands which lay on the table. He jerks off, throwing death glare from his eyes as if she’s not allowed to do that. She’s not allowed to touch him, that’s the message she gets and she feels devastated. For one more time, she tries to get closer to him by playing with his fingers. He, again, looks at her and brings his hands away.
“You know what, Joohyun? Let’s get this done and over with. I’m tired” he says in a sharp voice, piercing her heart.
“I get it, oppa. Let’s go home and have a little rest” she says, brushing off the cold tone he uttered earlier. She just doesn’t want to face reality. She’s not ready, will never be.
“Are you stupid? I’m tired Joohyun. I’m tired of us. You, your nagging and your unstoppable demands. I’m tired. So let’s stop this, okay?”
She feels like she is running out of breath. Maybe, just maybe, she heard wrong. “What, Oppa? Aigoo, come on, let’s stop this game now. Being a choding has its boundary too, you know” she tries to laugh as natural as possible but she knows better.
“Game? Do you think I’m playing some stupid game with you now? Stop dreaming Seo Joohyun. I’m dead serious. I don’t love you anymore. I don’t like the idea of us anymore”
“Oppa, why are you being like this?” tears start to fall from her eyes.
“Don’t be so pitiful. I love Shinhye. She’s always there for me. We meet often, not like us who can only meet like once a month. Do you think we are couple? What kind of couple only meet up this rarely? Shinhye and I match well. She supports me all time and she always spares some time for me. She’s not too busy like you. Thinking about it again, she’s nothing like you” she swears she’s almost dead at his words.
“Oppa, don’t you remember? We are a seagull couple after all. Hang in there, Oppa. You promised me that we can go through anything. You remember right? And oppa is a man with his words, right?”
He rolls his eyes, mocking her. “It was in the past. I changed my mind. So let’s stop meeting each other. Bye now, Joohyun” he stands up, throws her one more glance and starts to pick up his phone. “Hi, babe. I’m coming in 15 minutes. Yes, I got rid of her already. Don’t worry” His voice is starting to fade away but she hears it well. Damn it hurts. Damn it hurts. She cries and cries, still in daze of what just happened. How could he?! How could he?! Her hands clutch her heart, trying to ease the pain, hoping that it will work. But it doesn’t, the ache is still there and is getting worse each minute. She looks up, wishing that he’ll be back with his toothy smile and tells her that everything was fake, that it’s a surprise for her. It’s her birthday after all. It’s my birthday. It must be it. Today is my birthday. Her vision starts to blur but she finds a little hope from the thought.
She waits longer, letting each minute pass with anticipation. But no, he’s not back. There is no toothy smile, no warm embrace, no happy birthday, no balloons, no birthday song, there is no him. She falls on her knees, holding to the table as hard as possible. Cracks, she only can hear cracks of her heart; the aftermath of being stabbed by millions of knives. She screams out, hitting the table with force she has left. The glass falls, breaks, hurting her fingers but the pain is still bearable. It’s barely there for her as she only feels the huge pang in her heart. “Oh my God! Miss, are you okay?!” one of the waiters comes to her, helping her to stand up and attempts to clean her wound. “I’m sorry” she bows to the waiter and leaves, running out from the café. Or to be exact, she tries to run from reality. Maybe, maybe, he’s still near here, watching with my unnies before he comes out and bring a cake. Yes, he must be near. She walks and walks, her eyes scan every corner of the street. Tears still flowing out, making her constantly wipe it so that she can see better. Like crazy, she starts to scream out his name, secretly praying that this childish game will stop. He’ll come. She starts to run again, ignoring the pain in her feet from too much walking and running. He will not do this to me. Oppa is a good person. Still not giving up, she circles the area once again only to find none. Not even his shadow. Now even breathing is hard for her. Her legs are aching, her fingers still dripping blood, and everything is spinning in her sight. Feeling weak, she finally starts to fall.
But no, she doesn’t reach the ground. There is a pair of hands, rocking her body and calls out her name. The familiar smell creeps up her nose. The familiar grip makes her feel safe. The voice she knows too well keep playing in her mind. Trying as hard as she can, she finally opens her eyes. Yonghwa is in front of her with worried face. Ah, he’s back. Though tears still stream down her cheeks, she smiles. Heaving a relief sigh and hugs him tight.
“What’s wrong, Hyun?” Yonghwa pats her back, brushing her hairs lovingly.
“Right, Oppa will not do that to me” she whispers in his ears, sobbing a little.
“Joohyun. What did Oppa do?” he asks, backing away from her with confused expression.
She scans around the room. Wait…room?! I was not in a room! I was…Then it hits her. Hours ago, she did go to his dorm. She ate dinner with him and with his members, talking to each other for quite some time before retreating to his bedroom. And yes, she fell asleep in his arms after that. Then that happened. So it’s a dream? She doesn’t know how to express how glad she is now, so she starts laughing loudly.
“Eumm, Hyun? Baby? Why are you laughing?” Seohyun keeps on smiling at him. “Hyun, you are scaring me!” he is getting impatient as Hyun keeps her silence.
“Nappun namja!” she hits him.
“Huh?!”
“Oppa is a nappun namja”
“WHAT?!”
“You are! In my dream!” then she hugs him tighter, feeling so thankful that it was just a nightmare.
“Aigoo, were you having a bad dream? Don’t worry Joohyun-ah, Oppa will always be here for you” he strokes her hair affectionately. “I was so scared that you were crying and screaming in your sleep. I tried to wake you up but you didn’t even budge. Ah, I thought you were feeling pain or something”
“I felt pain Oppa” she whispers softly. “Here. I felt pain in here” her index finger pointing at her heart. “Because Oppa is mean”
“Hyun, I will try hard to not hurt you. You know that” she nods, giving hasty kisses on his cheeks and one sweet kiss on his lips. She is caught off guard, but his cheekbones are definitely popping out.
“Maybe having a bad dream is not that bad after all” he chuckles, gaining a few slaps on his arms. “Let’s go back to sleep now, honey. We have to perform tomorrow” Seohyun nods, laying her back on the bed as Yonghwa’s hands circled her waist, burying his face on the crook of her neck.
“She’s always there for me” Seohyun tries to calm her heartbeat. “What kind of couple only meet up this rarely?” She remembers how cold he was, how serious he was. “She supports me all time and she always spares some time for me. She’s not too busy like you” the voice only gets clearer. “She’s nothing like you” nothing’s working for her as the words keep ringing in her head. Tears are threatening to come out again. In her heart is a worry she has been feeling for a while. It can happen, she shakes her head at the voice. No, no way. We are stronger than that, the burden only gets bigger the more she thinks about it. Tossing around the bed uncomfortably, she finally sits up, taking a few deep breaths.
“Tell me” his voice comes in a whisper, so soft and calming. “Tell me what you have in mind. What it is that you have been hiding. Tell me, I’m all ears” he says, brushing her arms to assure her.
“You and Shinhye unnie. You can fall for her the way you did for me. Because you will meet her often while you will rarely see me. You guys can share stories in person but you can only do that on the phone with me. You’ll be in Korea, I’ll be in Japan. Your heart can turn away from this Seo Joohyun. Your feelings for me can fade away. Maybe, you will forget that we are a seagull couple. You maybe will forget that we are a couple after all. As time goes by, you possibly will throw our dreams away and turn your back at me, leaving me alone. It can happen. Oh God, it can happen” unconsciously, she cries again. Being such a pessimistic is not like her at all but tonight is different. It’s just that she needs to let it out. She’s a human too, imperfect in a way. She has her worries and doubts, the bad side of her that she can no longer keep from Yonghwa.
He smiles, pulling her down to face him. “So is this what you’ve been thinking? That I will leave you just like that? That I can be attracted to Shinhye just because I will meet her often?” She nods. “Do you think my feeling for you is that shallow? Do you think I will be able to turn on my heels and never look back on you, throwing every memory just like that?” she nods, then shakes her head, then stays still. She was not sure what to say to him. Yes, she thinks that can happen. No, she thinks Yonghwa’s feeling for her is not that shallow.
“Ah, Seo Joohyun. What should I do to you?” he brushes her hairs to the side so that he can see her face clearly. “I’m hurt”. He pauses for a while, studying her expression. “Remember the time when we can only meet once in a month?” she nods again. “Did my feelings for you fade away?” Now, she’s shaking her head. “Right, it did not. So, in that period of time, when I wasn’t able to see you but able to see my partner in a CF often, I came to like her?” she hesitates for a while before doing the same thing she did earlier. “How long have I been friends with Shinhye, Joohyun-ah?” he asks, raising his eyebrows.
“More than a year, nearly 2” she answers in low voice.
“Right, longer than I have known you” she gulps. “But in those times I have known her and have met her so many times, even talked to her on the phone, did I come to like her? Did I love her the way I love you?”
“I… I don’t know. Maybe yes, maybe no. You tell me, Oppa” she sighs.
“No, the answer is no. I may become closer to her as I film my drama. But Hyun, we play two characters that are falling in love with each other. In a drama. Was I in a drama with you?”
“But WGM makes us a pretend husband and wife. In a way, it’s pretty the same” he flicks her head hard.
“YAH! Was it scripted? The things we shared? The regular calls and texts? The events we did for each other? The scarf I painstakingly knitted for you? The secret dates? Was it all planned by the production crews?” she has to shake her head once again. “There Seo Joohyun, I never play another character in front of you. Me in front of you is the real me. What I said, what I did, what I shared with you are from deep within here” he brings her hand to his heart. “I was trying hard to open your heart. I fell for you slowly, surely and beautifully. To have you is the greatest gift aside from CNBLUE. So Hyun, believe me, I will not have a change of heart just because I can’t see you often. Because even if that kills me, not being able to talk to you and to know that you’ll always be there for me no matter what, will kill me more. Even if you’re far away, a text from you always makes my day brighter. Even if I can’t see you, hearing your voice can always give me strength. Video calls will do for a while. It’s not like I can’t see you in a year” he smiles, touching her nose playfully. “We’ll be fine, Hyun. Don’t worry. I’m not that kind of man who will turn away just like that. And I already have you, I will be the biggest idiot to let you slip away” he cups her face, placing little kisses on her lips and he can feel her smile.
“We’ll go through everything” she says with confidence.
“Yes we will, as hard as we could, whatever the future brings. I can promise you that I will do anything to keep us together as long as faith let us. So put your mind at ease now, baby. Yes?”
She nods, tracing his face affectionately. “I love you, Jung Yong Hwa” she breathes out before he claims her lips. Much, much more than you know. She keeps that part to herself.
“I love you too, Hyun-ah” their noses meet as he rests his forehead on hers. Slowly, the pair closes their eyes, feeling each other’s warmth through the embrace. It will always be you, he chanted inaudibly before kissing her one last time and drift off to sleep.
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Personal Replies:
@babypillow: WOW! I love toobin too! kkkk~ glad that you like it... thank you :)
@gogumajulie: I hope Yongseo is together in real life too :D thank you for reading and commenting
@fancyfrenchlace: i wish yong will take the first step.. he needs to make a little more effort to get her for real, right? ;) Thank you :)
@gogumavillage: me love TOP too.. and i cannot agrre more, he'll be a great husband! lol... thank you :)
@kellneriner: imagining how their future babies are going to be (gosh, do i sound like a hamburger too? XD) but yes, Yong needs to do something before Hyun gets another man.. she's a lovely girl, ever men will try to fetch her away if he doesn't move fast ;) thank you so much!
@a_otohata: yes, i will try to make a story about TOP and Hyun in their "blossoming love" days... *in orogress now, kekeke~ Thank you so much..
@omgirly: thank you so much, omgirly... if yong really do something fast to prevent this happen, the ending in real life won't be like this ;) *let's prayyy keke~
@tagatisagirl: I do hope so too.. ah, if only i know yong in real life, i'll go knock on his head (if someone hasn't done it yet :p) thank you :)
@faisazali: hi chingoo~ yes, yong is such a total idiot for letting her go and that applies if he really does in real life. I'm hoping yong is smarter than this, and as i can see, he is. I'll pray so that they will go through all thick and thin and in later years, we will be in a party, celebrating their marriage announcement :) thank you so much as always, chingoo~
@ogyoiko: Destiny, after all, is such a big part of life.. so yes, i will keep hoping but we will see.. thank youuu :)
@curcol: aigoo~ I'm sorry for hurting you T__T but thank you for reading and commenting :) will write happy stories again! kekekeke~
@kodogue: that fic is in progress, i hope you will enjoy it~ thank you so much :)
@lingzw87: hi unnie~ thank you so much for reading and commenting. Well he has to do some effort in order to gain something ;) haha, i never imagine T.O.P and Seohyun that much, but because T.O.P said he wanted a girl who is polite and good to elderly, i immediately thought of our Hyun~ hehe
@kinoe_garden: hellooo chingoo~ aigoo, i'm sorry for the angsty mood. I will write happy stories to make up for this one... thank you so much chingoo~ figthing!
@jhetd09: I also feel that T.O.P and Hyun are opposite each other. They're not alike at all. Well maybe, the fact that they're both rapper (you know, rapper Hyun~ lol) is one thing that tied them together XD thank you soo much~ I will provide the side story of this one :)
@camoteg: I had mixed feelings when i wrote this one too. I love youngseo sooo much, but another pairing once in a while might give something new :) thank you soooo much :)
@love_yongstar11: here is one yongseo for you, dear ^^ it's not that good, i know :( but i hope it can cheer you up a bit.. thank youuu :)
@hyunseo: wow, i cannot agree more. I respect both of them and love both of them be it together or not. Yes, I am a yongseo shipper, a hardcore yongseo shipper actually. But still, we don't know the truth behind their relationship now. So whatever the future brings, the fact that they had beautiful memories together is a thing that cannot be erased.. and that can make me happy enough even if they are not together in future (well, how i wish they will).. Thank you so much~
@haeanna: yayy, i made this one for you! because i promised i will write one story where Hyun and T.O.P end up together :) beside them, i ship TOOBIN! kekeke~ thank youuu :)
@icegabrielle: i'm in the same side with you.. friends or more than that, i love both of them! :D thank youu :)
@raisinrum: yes, seungri once said he likes Seohyun. I don't know how i come up with this pairing in mind, just somehow they will look cute together XD thank you soo much :)
seohyun,
yongseo,
yonghwa