Your question destroys my illusion
You know, I hate answering the question "How are you feeling today?." I don't want to be whinny nor do I want to disappoint the person who usually is hoping that my answer will somehow express that on this particular day, I'm feeling well. However, I do not want to lie either. I have bad days, worse days, occational ok days, and rare good days. Granted, some of it is my fault (i.e. when I skip my TPN for long periods of time or eat something I shouldn't), but even if I'm completely good, I still have pain almost all the time and nausea on a regular basis. This is not meant to be a 'poor pitiful me' post (though I do write plenty of those). I can handle not feeling well, and I'm remarkably adept at hiding it most of the time. What bothers me is when people see me smiling and then say 'Oh, you must be feeling better today.' No, not really. I might very well be feeling pretty yucky. I just don't want to let it stop me from living my life and being happy. I'll crash later that night. Just don't ask me how I'm feeling. You're more than welcome to ask and to comfort if I'm obviously doing badly and look like I need a hug or a friend, but not if I seem happy and 'normal.' Your question destroys my illusion.
(The entire above post is completely negated for those who know me well and see me often enough to know I won't stop until my body fails me. This is mostly directed at people who only see me out at church or school and stuff, and don't really understand. To my good friends, please keep asking and making sure I'm not about to fall apart. I love you.)
Ok, slight change in gears: I've skipped my TPN 5 days in a row now, and sure enough, as per usual when I miss my TPN, I start having problems around day 4 or 5. I've done better about staying hydrated this time around, but I'm still having problems. Almost fainted in the shower last night, and had a shaky spell twice yesterday. Plus, my heart's been doing the butterfly thing alot the last couple days. Was bad last night. Feels like all my muscles are shivering, including my heart. Not pleasant while trying to sleep. Combine all that with tummy pain and you get very little sleep for Lissa. Anyways, gonna be good for the next couple days and at least get these fluttery spells to go away. I think maybe I'll run my TPN full time this weekend and give my tummy a break too. Hopefully that'll lessen the pain some.
(The entire above post is completely negated for those who know me well and see me often enough to know I won't stop until my body fails me. This is mostly directed at people who only see me out at church or school and stuff, and don't really understand. To my good friends, please keep asking and making sure I'm not about to fall apart. I love you.)
Ok, slight change in gears: I've skipped my TPN 5 days in a row now, and sure enough, as per usual when I miss my TPN, I start having problems around day 4 or 5. I've done better about staying hydrated this time around, but I'm still having problems. Almost fainted in the shower last night, and had a shaky spell twice yesterday. Plus, my heart's been doing the butterfly thing alot the last couple days. Was bad last night. Feels like all my muscles are shivering, including my heart. Not pleasant while trying to sleep. Combine all that with tummy pain and you get very little sleep for Lissa. Anyways, gonna be good for the next couple days and at least get these fluttery spells to go away. I think maybe I'll run my TPN full time this weekend and give my tummy a break too. Hopefully that'll lessen the pain some.