My tummy HURTS
Well, this is the 4th night in a row that I haven't slept well because I keep waking up with major tummy pain (well, I took meds to knock me out Monday night, but I have so much trouble getting up the morning after meds and I had to write a report this morning so I couldn't sleep through the alarm). I don't even really understand why it's hurting so bad this week. I haven't been particularly bad. I did miss my meds for several days this weekend and then added to that by not eating right on Sunday, so that might be what's going on. I figured it'd be better by now though. It's definitely not cool though. Not sleeping and hurting tummy does not make studying or sitting through class very easy. Wish someone knew how to make it better.
Other than the tummy hurting though, I'm happier than I've been in a long time. I'm back on track to doing what I want to being doing with my life (i.e. I'm taking course that matter for my med school plans). Organic is wonderful and makes me happy. I can't wait for biochem and genetics this fall. I'm also completely un-attached to any boy right now, and unlike typical Elissa, I'm very happy with my singleness. It allows me to do exactly what I want to do and to stand on my own two feet. Plus, it gives me the time and space to cultivate good friendships, something I haven't bothered to do at all in the last year. My new roomie is so wonderful. We looked at pictures for several hours last night, and it made me so happy. It's good to have a friend again.
Now, I just hope that I will use this time in my life to work on cultivating my relationship with God. It's been such a long year, and I feel more distant from Him than I ever have before. I was reading back over my journal entries from right before I got sick. God was so REAL to me then, and I trusted Him completely (well, almost anyway). Now, I'm just angry. I firmly believe God is more than big enough to handle my anger, but for me to use that anger as an excuse to walk away is stupid. Examining one's self and one's beliefs and searching for answers is never the easy way, but it's the best way. I'd hate the think I took the coward's way out and didn't examine what I truely believe simply because it was hard.
Other than the tummy hurting though, I'm happier than I've been in a long time. I'm back on track to doing what I want to being doing with my life (i.e. I'm taking course that matter for my med school plans). Organic is wonderful and makes me happy. I can't wait for biochem and genetics this fall. I'm also completely un-attached to any boy right now, and unlike typical Elissa, I'm very happy with my singleness. It allows me to do exactly what I want to do and to stand on my own two feet. Plus, it gives me the time and space to cultivate good friendships, something I haven't bothered to do at all in the last year. My new roomie is so wonderful. We looked at pictures for several hours last night, and it made me so happy. It's good to have a friend again.
Now, I just hope that I will use this time in my life to work on cultivating my relationship with God. It's been such a long year, and I feel more distant from Him than I ever have before. I was reading back over my journal entries from right before I got sick. God was so REAL to me then, and I trusted Him completely (well, almost anyway). Now, I'm just angry. I firmly believe God is more than big enough to handle my anger, but for me to use that anger as an excuse to walk away is stupid. Examining one's self and one's beliefs and searching for answers is never the easy way, but it's the best way. I'd hate the think I took the coward's way out and didn't examine what I truely believe simply because it was hard.