[Fic] A new kind of Therapy: Final Chapter
6 . Jin's leaving for L.A
Kame POV
I figured everything was going to work out without any problems at all. I actually thought nothing was going to tear us apart. Sure, Jin has been an idiot from the moment I met him but I got used to it. Used to him doing stupid things and sometimes giving me the wrong idea. I learned to actually listen and not get affected by it right away. I thought it was the same when he told me about it. About him going to L.A
It happened about a month after we moved in, well, after I moved at his place. He found a job related to relaxation and therapy and stuff like that and he became so happy that even I couldn’t help myself from smiling just by seeing him.
- Jin, I’m glad you like your new job. Sorry for making you lose the other, I apologized at some point, remembering that he quit his previous job just so that he could date me.
- Don’t worry, Kazu, he smiled back at me, hugging me tightly as he always used to. I’m not sorry for quitting it so neither should you. I got you in exchange so it was worth it.
Yeah, he was and still is an idiot but he sometimes would say things like that and make me melt. I can’t find myself able to resist him. I saw that smile of his and something moved inside of me. I don’t regret being with him or sleeping with him. We did it almost everyday and I didn’t mind. I love it when he hugs, kisses me and even when he thrusts inside me. Don’t get me wrong! I’m not a pervert like him, it’s different. I feel that at those times, when there is no distance between our bodies and he completely fills me all the way in, is the moment where it stops being just me and him…and we connect. Then it’s not even us. It’s just one. So I love it. I love being his.
And because I loved it so much, I started hating it when it almost stopped. About a week ago, he came home and looked bothered. He didn’t tell me anything though. He just hugged and kisses me like the usual, made love to me like always and then even made us breakfast.
I could tell but I figured it was another of his stupidities. That he has something sweet to say again and he’s making far too big of a fuss out of it. So I waited. I waited until one day he got home close to midnight and instead of coming to our bedroom, he crashed on the couch.
That was when I knew something was wrong.
- Jin, what happened? I asked him, coming out of the bedroom and sitting on the floor next to him. I even thought he might be sick or something.
- Kazuya…, he just whispered and my heart stopped. Something was definitely wrong because he wasn’t even looking me in the eyes. He was avoiding me.
- Jin, what’s wrong? Come one, tell me! I begged him, trying to make him look at me but he avoided my hands.
- I’m going to LA. In a week, he simply told me, standing up and walking all the way to the bathroom.
I didn’t really talk to him ever since then. Not a serious talk anyway. He didn’t want to so I couldn’t. Every time I get close to him he ignores me or does something else, goes out with his friends and comes home late, sleeping on the couch again.
Tomorrow, it’s tomorrow. He leaves then and I’m going to be left alone. How do I feel about it?
I wished he’d at least tell me why. Why LA and for how long? I don’t get it and it bothers me. Why can’t he talk to me, why doesn’t he kiss me anymore? What’s wrong? I don’t get it. I love him. I love him so much that I hate him right now.
And here I am. Today he leaves. This is it. He has his luggage right at the door, it has been a week without talking to me. I miss him and as I see him ready to leave, I feel like crying. I want to tell him not to go and I want to ask for a proper reason but he isn’t telling me anything. Damn you, Jin, I hate you so much right now. But I love you even more.
- Kazu…
My heart stops. I look at him and almost cry. He finally calls my name. Finally.
- I don’t really know when I’ll come back. It shouldn’t take too much. Wait for me, okay? I’ll be back. Please wait for me.
Stupid. I waited for those words and entire week and he tells them to me only before closing the door behind him. Strange, right? I don’t feel like crying anymore. And then I got it. He didn’t say anything because it would have sounded forced. Saying that as the last thing was the best way to tell me he loves me. Hearing that just at the very end, stopped me from hovering more than needed. I couldn’t doubt anymore. I can’t. He’ll come back and I’ll wait. Right here. For my Jin. The stupid Akanishi Jin but the man I love. And, God, am I glad he loves me back.
Jin’s POV
I love him so much!!! He is so adorable! When he pulls his hair up in a fountain looking tail and dresses up in his pinkish clothes he looks just to adorable for me to handle. And I so want to taste him. I can’t help myself. He only wears clothes that show how slim he is, his butt sometimes points out to much and he uses only clothes that advantage him. Even my friends day dream when looking at him sometimes. I want him to be just mine so I mostly keep him to myself. Don’t get it wrong! I don’t make love to him just so that he wouldn’t have time for anything else. Just as my heart needs his cuteness and words to continue beating, my body needs his, his touches to keep on functioning.
He’s the only thing I live on nowadays. I need him to live but I know it’s also wrong.
I can’t have him all to myself, right? Sometimes I wish I could make him somehow part of me so I’d never miss him but I have to let him go at some point. Let him be others as well.
The LA proposal came at the perfect time. I was getting far too hooked on Kazuya. So hooked I was about to choke him. Everyday, he would be with me and spend so little time with his friends. It didn’t bother me at first. I was so glad. I live for him so I figured if only I’d exist for him it would be perfect. Well…it’s not. I can see how happy he turns when his friends call him. He needs them too. I have to let go a bit. Not completely, but a bit. So I took the offer. I’ll leave for LA and give my Kazu some space.
It’s better like this. Can you understand, Kazu? I’m afraid I might suffocate you if I go on. I made up my mind and I was planning on telling him right before leaving but he noticed me and asked me.
I wanted to look at you, to kiss you and to touch you. I needed it even more than food and I love eating!
- I’m going to LA. In a week.
That was all that I told him and then I rushed to the bathroom and pretended taking a shower. I didn’t want to go. I still don’t want to. But if I stay…will I hurt him even more?
How should I put it…? I can’t own his life but I want to. I want him to be only mine and I reached a point at which I’d rather cage him somewhere than having people look at him. It’s crazy. I’m crazy. I can’t do that and I know it. And my jealousy…got…it’s killing me. I almost snapped at Ryo once and Ryo has Ueda. I need to cool of as much as he needed to be sometime away from me.
So here I am. I’m all ready to leave and I’m going to. I have everything ready. But I’m afraid. If I leave like this, I know I have good intentions, but if I leave like this, won’t I lose him? I don’t want to lose him. I want, when I come back, to still have him. For him to still love me and be mine.
- I don’t really know when I’ll come back. It shouldn’t take too much. Wait for me, okay? I’ll be back. Please wait for me.
I tell him that and I don’t wait for him to answer. As I close the door behind me, I only hope he will. I hope he will be there no matter when I come back and everything will be alright.
As I step into the plane, I realize. Kazuya is like my drug and I need to go on rehab.
But I’ll be back. It’s selfish, I know, but I’ll be back. And I’ll have him back. Because I love him to much to let him go. I couldn’t never. I just love him. God, I hope he will love me back.
7. I'm alone, alone.
Kame’s POV
I don’t like it. It feels empty. Even my old apartment feels empty. I went there a few days ago. Koki still lives around so I made a visit. I can’t remember the last time I saw them without Jin around and making a fuss. I don’t feel that great though. Sure, I am happy to see them but when I see Ueda texting a message I remember it’s for Ryo and that Jin didn’t even send me one.
I tried calling him. It just cuts off. One minute. I want just one minute. One minute to talk to him or just talk. I want to feel his respiration or at least my name being called. I want him back.
- Kazuya…don’t cry, I hear Koki tell me and just then I realized I started crying the moment I saw Ueda smiling at the reply he got.
I see Tat-chan biting his lower lip and putting the phone away. He knows why and it hurts him too. I wish I could tell him to continue, to be happy with Ryo but I can’t. I want him to stop. Not in front of me, not near me. I want Jin. I feel too alone without him. He was a bit overwhelming and always bugging me but I miss that now. It was better like that.
- Jin…come back…, that the line I’ve been repeating daily before taking a sleeping pill and heading for the bed.
Since he left…I can’t even sleep without help. I’m alone. Alone and I hate it. Just come back.
Jin’s POV
This feels like shit! Seriously, I hate it. Not even all the alcohol I drink can help me forget. There are moments in which I party and act like an idiot with the foreigners but the moment I stop and I look around, I get crushed by my loneliness. Isn’t it enough? A month passed since then. He should be hanging out with his friends, right? Having time for himself? Enjoying himself the freedom since I was always a nag.
If only I hadn’t heard him. If I hadn’t heard him saying I’m making him tired and he can’t go on like this, I would probably be there right now, making love to him. But I did. I heard it. I make him tired so I have to give him space. But isn’t it enough? Sure, LA is fun and I enjoy myself but it’s only an illusion. No matter how many times I laugh and go partying, I socialize at work since the offer came from there, I just need to get back to my room and I feel like crying.
I tried calling him hundreds of times. Sometimes I don’t even sleep. I just stare at the cell phone screen with his number on the display and I want to call him. I want to call him but if I do then I won’t be able to stop. I’ll want to go back and he’ll get tired of me again. I never thought it could be like this. That I could get this lonely. It’s lonely. I’m alone despite having so many people around me. God, I need another drink. I need to drink until I can’t remember anything anymore. But even as I drink, I remember him, and when I crash wasted, I dream of him. I’m alone and I miss him. I want to go back.
8. I wish for a happy ending.
Kame’s POV
How long has it been? A month, two since he left? I know I’m counting the days but I don’t want to anymore. I miss him. And this bed…this bed isn’t helping at all. I know I should get away from it but I can’t. Staying in this bed, arms spread and without a shirt on, I sometimes imagine him getting back home and touching me. I get aroused and give myself a hand but it’s not the same. My body needs him too. It’s incomplete without him. Everything is. And this bed, even after so long, it still smells like him. Or maybe it’s because of the jeans I’m wearing. I recently discovered that I used his clothes, the ones he felt, while I’m at home.
It’s better if I keep my eyes closed. When they are closed I can think and imagine anything. He hasn’t even called once but I don’t mind anymore. I remember his voice as soon as I close my eyes and that’s why I do it most of the times. I try to think how it will be when he comes back. I already made up different scenarios of how he’ll come back to me. He could call me before and tell me to open the door and he’ll be there. He could ask me to pick him up at the airport and I would run all the way there, he would come back with a bunch of roses and apologize to me. My personal favorite is the one where he just comes in, using his key, and kisses me good morning. I don’t need an apology. I’d be great if he’d give me one but I need him more. I just want him to come back and I don’t care how he does it as long as he comes back to me.
And I close my eyes. I’m going to dream of him again. Oh, yeah…now I remember. He left five months ago. I’ll have to make up for them in my dream. Please make this one have a happy ending.
Jin’s POV
I’ve had enough. I can’t go on anymore. I need to go home. I want to go home. I’ll go insane like this. I’ll end up beating someone, turning into an alcoholic or even getting fired but I don’t care. I want to go back. I don’t care about anything anymore. I called him on a private number. Actually, a foreign friend did it and passed it to me. He just mumbled something, quietly. He was probably sleeping so I hung up. Sleeping. Where? Is he back at our place or at a friend? Is he sleeping in our bed or on the couch? Does he still love me? I’m still afraid. Afraid I might go back and he’ll tell me to leave him. I’m afraid he might dump me. What if he thinks I did that? What if he moved on and has someone else? God, no!
I need to go back. I don’t want to dream of him anymore, I don’t want to hear his voice when I close my eyes and I so do not want to even think of him being with anyone else.
I’m stupid, right? I could have given him space any other way. I didn’t have to leave. Not like this. I could have done something else. Anything else.
How should I go back? What should I say or do? Maybe I should talk to his friends first. Yeah…they might tell me if Kazuya still loves me.
Yeah, I’ll go back. As soon as possible. I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to have a sweet dream of him that won’t hurt anymore as I wake up. I’m going to have my happy ending. I want one.
9. The unexpected ending.
Kazuya was on the bed, looking at the ceiling and sighing at the same time. He hated week-ends. Before, every week-end he would go on a picnic, camping or have a BBQ with the Bakanishi but now he had too much time to grief. He would remember how they met, their first kiss, their first night together and their first month anniversary.
He also ran out of Jin things to wear. He had used them for far to long and had to wash them and so they no longer smelled like Jin. He did have this one pair of jeans he knew Akanishi loved so he took those. He was spread all over the bed, with a pair of boxers and jeans on, jeans he didn’t even zip up, upper body naked, eyes closed, thinking how great it would be if Jin would be there with him. How much longer was he going to take? When was he planning on coming back? He could have called at Jin’s work place and ask but then he’d be full of expectations. And what if Jin didn’t love him anymore? What if this time he’d really want to break up? What if it was all a way to prepare for that?
He didn’t really know when he started thinking like that but he did and he was hurting himself. Maybe it would have been better if he’d started hating Jin but every single time he’d think of it, he’d remember every single day before him leaving and his heart would get filled with love. His love for Jin was stronger.
He just closed his eyes and went to sleep despite it being only close to noon.
Jin stopped in front of the door and took a deep breath in. He had to do it and get it over with. As soon as possible. He opened the door with his own key and got close to the bedroom. He saw Kazuya sleeping there and a pang loudly crushed his heart. He got closer and watched the younger one. A bit of surprise came over him as he saw the boy wearing nothing else but a pair of boxers and his jeans, but he couldn’t really understand why. Both Kazuya’s hands were placed closed to his head, like a little baby sleeping, and he looked so vulnerable.
Akanishi slowly put both knees on the bed and leaned towards the other, placing both his hands close to Kazuya’s. He wanted to kiss those lips, to touch that fast and that body. Before he could stop himself, his right hand moved all the way to the boxers and invaded the private space there, slowly caressing the length of Kazuya’s manhood. He heard a moan coming from the boy, a loud one and he frowned. Why was Kamenashi getting aroused? Who was he thinking of, did he had sex with someone else? Was he thinking his lover was doing that and reacted? It could have been that since he looked as if he just got out of the shower. Maybe Kazuya already moved on.
The thought crushed Akanishi so he got jealous far too quick. He wanted to go on rehab and that’s why he went away. To clear his mind and stop being so infatuated with Kazuya but the longer he stayed away the more obsessed he got with him. It was pointless. He loved Kazuya.
Jealous took over so he just took hold of the length, squeezing it hard, making the boy whine and shiver. As he slid his fingers over the top, the boy finally moved and hit the other straight in the stomach.
Akanishi fell on the ground and quickly put his hand on his belly, softly cursing.
- Who the fuck are you? What do you think you’re doing? I’m calling the police!! Kazuya shouted because he couldn’t see the face of the other and Jin’s hair color also changed.
Jin smiled to himself. So Kazuya wasn’t letting just anyone touch him. That was good.
- Kazu….this is my house, he giggled, finally looking up
The boy stopped with the phone in his hand, turned around and gasped, dropping the phone to the ground. A tear rolled down his face and he stumbled on the ground, biting his lower lip, waiting for something, anything.
- You…you’re back…, he whispered, not believing it. He had wished for it for so long that it almost seemed like another dream of his.
- Yes. I am back. I need to talk to you, Jin replied, getting all serious again.
Kazuya watched as Jin went to his luggage and put it on the bed and then unzipped them, ready to unpack. He tried getting up but he couldn’t. His legs were shaking and his hands were numb, dropped somewhere near his body.
- Kazuya? Akanishi asked concerned, leaning down close to the boy.
They both observed each other. Kazuya had gotten thinner, bonnier then before but the rest was all the same. Akanishi had now black hair and looked tanned, smelling of cigarettes. Jin didn’t use to smoke before leaving for LA.
- What about? Kazuya finally asked, looking up at the other but not moving once single inch from where he dropped on the floor.
- I..., Jin took a deep breath, sitting on his knees. I don’t want you to be my boyfriend anymore, he finally said, so fast that even he was surprised by it.
Kazuya gulped and looked down again. His heart started hurting and he felt like crying but he didn’t. So he was right, Jin wanted to break up with him. He stood up immediately, took of Jin’s jeans and put on his own and then quickly pulled all his clothes from the closet, trying to pack them somewhere.
- Kazu….Listen to me, Jin tried to stop him but as soon as he touched Kazuya he got slapped.
Kazuya slapped Jin, looked at him for a couple of moments and then continued ruffling all the clothes, not knowing exactly what do put where. He wanted to cry but couldn’t.
He was mad. Mad. If he had known that was what Jin was planning, he would have done something to stop him. Anything. He could have. He could have made Jin still be in love with him if he wouldn’t have left. He got angry. So angry he even kicked the closet and one of the chairs nearby. He was losing it, losing it big time.
Jin wrapped his arms around Kazuya and made him stop before hurting himself. It took him enduring a couple of other kicks and punches before the boy finally calmed down and started breathing normally. They both fell on the ground and panted, while Kazuya ignored looking at Jin.
Akanishi pulled out something from his pocket and showed it to the boy. Kamenashi first pushed it away but as his hand felt it, he stopped and looked closely. He gasped again and turned around to look at his ex-boyfriend, letting tears fall down his cheeks. He had said it. He wasn’t going to let himself taken away by emotions because Jin was in idiot and always said the sweetest things in the worst of the ways. Like when he wanted to date him, like when he wanted to say “ I love you “ and even now. He bit his lower lip and sniffed a few times, then grabbed the box and hugged the older one. Jin was still the same idiot.
Silence followed next. None of them said anything. Kazuya waited patiently as the older one placed the ring inside the box on his fingers and then did the same thing for Jin with the other. They didn’t say anything nor spoke about LA. They didn’t have to. Each understood the other perfectly. Jin was an idiot and was going to continue being one, but he was the most loving and romantic idiot of them all. Kazuya couldn’t fight him. He was going to forever lose in front of Jin but it was okay. He sniffed again and let his lips be captured by Jin as their hands entwined. Three months later, they got married and Kazuya reached the conclusion that he liked best not being Jin’s boyfriend anymore.. He didn’t need Jin as a boyfriend anymore. Not when he could have him as a husband.
A/N :if you'd want a RyoDa side story or an Epilogue to this...tell me. if you want it..i'll write them.
so...how about it?
Kame POV
I figured everything was going to work out without any problems at all. I actually thought nothing was going to tear us apart. Sure, Jin has been an idiot from the moment I met him but I got used to it. Used to him doing stupid things and sometimes giving me the wrong idea. I learned to actually listen and not get affected by it right away. I thought it was the same when he told me about it. About him going to L.A
It happened about a month after we moved in, well, after I moved at his place. He found a job related to relaxation and therapy and stuff like that and he became so happy that even I couldn’t help myself from smiling just by seeing him.
- Jin, I’m glad you like your new job. Sorry for making you lose the other, I apologized at some point, remembering that he quit his previous job just so that he could date me.
- Don’t worry, Kazu, he smiled back at me, hugging me tightly as he always used to. I’m not sorry for quitting it so neither should you. I got you in exchange so it was worth it.
Yeah, he was and still is an idiot but he sometimes would say things like that and make me melt. I can’t find myself able to resist him. I saw that smile of his and something moved inside of me. I don’t regret being with him or sleeping with him. We did it almost everyday and I didn’t mind. I love it when he hugs, kisses me and even when he thrusts inside me. Don’t get me wrong! I’m not a pervert like him, it’s different. I feel that at those times, when there is no distance between our bodies and he completely fills me all the way in, is the moment where it stops being just me and him…and we connect. Then it’s not even us. It’s just one. So I love it. I love being his.
And because I loved it so much, I started hating it when it almost stopped. About a week ago, he came home and looked bothered. He didn’t tell me anything though. He just hugged and kisses me like the usual, made love to me like always and then even made us breakfast.
I could tell but I figured it was another of his stupidities. That he has something sweet to say again and he’s making far too big of a fuss out of it. So I waited. I waited until one day he got home close to midnight and instead of coming to our bedroom, he crashed on the couch.
That was when I knew something was wrong.
- Jin, what happened? I asked him, coming out of the bedroom and sitting on the floor next to him. I even thought he might be sick or something.
- Kazuya…, he just whispered and my heart stopped. Something was definitely wrong because he wasn’t even looking me in the eyes. He was avoiding me.
- Jin, what’s wrong? Come one, tell me! I begged him, trying to make him look at me but he avoided my hands.
- I’m going to LA. In a week, he simply told me, standing up and walking all the way to the bathroom.
I didn’t really talk to him ever since then. Not a serious talk anyway. He didn’t want to so I couldn’t. Every time I get close to him he ignores me or does something else, goes out with his friends and comes home late, sleeping on the couch again.
Tomorrow, it’s tomorrow. He leaves then and I’m going to be left alone. How do I feel about it?
I wished he’d at least tell me why. Why LA and for how long? I don’t get it and it bothers me. Why can’t he talk to me, why doesn’t he kiss me anymore? What’s wrong? I don’t get it. I love him. I love him so much that I hate him right now.
And here I am. Today he leaves. This is it. He has his luggage right at the door, it has been a week without talking to me. I miss him and as I see him ready to leave, I feel like crying. I want to tell him not to go and I want to ask for a proper reason but he isn’t telling me anything. Damn you, Jin, I hate you so much right now. But I love you even more.
- Kazu…
My heart stops. I look at him and almost cry. He finally calls my name. Finally.
- I don’t really know when I’ll come back. It shouldn’t take too much. Wait for me, okay? I’ll be back. Please wait for me.
Stupid. I waited for those words and entire week and he tells them to me only before closing the door behind him. Strange, right? I don’t feel like crying anymore. And then I got it. He didn’t say anything because it would have sounded forced. Saying that as the last thing was the best way to tell me he loves me. Hearing that just at the very end, stopped me from hovering more than needed. I couldn’t doubt anymore. I can’t. He’ll come back and I’ll wait. Right here. For my Jin. The stupid Akanishi Jin but the man I love. And, God, am I glad he loves me back.
Jin’s POV
I love him so much!!! He is so adorable! When he pulls his hair up in a fountain looking tail and dresses up in his pinkish clothes he looks just to adorable for me to handle. And I so want to taste him. I can’t help myself. He only wears clothes that show how slim he is, his butt sometimes points out to much and he uses only clothes that advantage him. Even my friends day dream when looking at him sometimes. I want him to be just mine so I mostly keep him to myself. Don’t get it wrong! I don’t make love to him just so that he wouldn’t have time for anything else. Just as my heart needs his cuteness and words to continue beating, my body needs his, his touches to keep on functioning.
He’s the only thing I live on nowadays. I need him to live but I know it’s also wrong.
I can’t have him all to myself, right? Sometimes I wish I could make him somehow part of me so I’d never miss him but I have to let him go at some point. Let him be others as well.
The LA proposal came at the perfect time. I was getting far too hooked on Kazuya. So hooked I was about to choke him. Everyday, he would be with me and spend so little time with his friends. It didn’t bother me at first. I was so glad. I live for him so I figured if only I’d exist for him it would be perfect. Well…it’s not. I can see how happy he turns when his friends call him. He needs them too. I have to let go a bit. Not completely, but a bit. So I took the offer. I’ll leave for LA and give my Kazu some space.
It’s better like this. Can you understand, Kazu? I’m afraid I might suffocate you if I go on. I made up my mind and I was planning on telling him right before leaving but he noticed me and asked me.
I wanted to look at you, to kiss you and to touch you. I needed it even more than food and I love eating!
- I’m going to LA. In a week.
That was all that I told him and then I rushed to the bathroom and pretended taking a shower. I didn’t want to go. I still don’t want to. But if I stay…will I hurt him even more?
How should I put it…? I can’t own his life but I want to. I want him to be only mine and I reached a point at which I’d rather cage him somewhere than having people look at him. It’s crazy. I’m crazy. I can’t do that and I know it. And my jealousy…got…it’s killing me. I almost snapped at Ryo once and Ryo has Ueda. I need to cool of as much as he needed to be sometime away from me.
So here I am. I’m all ready to leave and I’m going to. I have everything ready. But I’m afraid. If I leave like this, I know I have good intentions, but if I leave like this, won’t I lose him? I don’t want to lose him. I want, when I come back, to still have him. For him to still love me and be mine.
- I don’t really know when I’ll come back. It shouldn’t take too much. Wait for me, okay? I’ll be back. Please wait for me.
I tell him that and I don’t wait for him to answer. As I close the door behind me, I only hope he will. I hope he will be there no matter when I come back and everything will be alright.
As I step into the plane, I realize. Kazuya is like my drug and I need to go on rehab.
But I’ll be back. It’s selfish, I know, but I’ll be back. And I’ll have him back. Because I love him to much to let him go. I couldn’t never. I just love him. God, I hope he will love me back.
7. I'm alone, alone.
Kame’s POV
I don’t like it. It feels empty. Even my old apartment feels empty. I went there a few days ago. Koki still lives around so I made a visit. I can’t remember the last time I saw them without Jin around and making a fuss. I don’t feel that great though. Sure, I am happy to see them but when I see Ueda texting a message I remember it’s for Ryo and that Jin didn’t even send me one.
I tried calling him. It just cuts off. One minute. I want just one minute. One minute to talk to him or just talk. I want to feel his respiration or at least my name being called. I want him back.
- Kazuya…don’t cry, I hear Koki tell me and just then I realized I started crying the moment I saw Ueda smiling at the reply he got.
I see Tat-chan biting his lower lip and putting the phone away. He knows why and it hurts him too. I wish I could tell him to continue, to be happy with Ryo but I can’t. I want him to stop. Not in front of me, not near me. I want Jin. I feel too alone without him. He was a bit overwhelming and always bugging me but I miss that now. It was better like that.
- Jin…come back…, that the line I’ve been repeating daily before taking a sleeping pill and heading for the bed.
Since he left…I can’t even sleep without help. I’m alone. Alone and I hate it. Just come back.
Jin’s POV
This feels like shit! Seriously, I hate it. Not even all the alcohol I drink can help me forget. There are moments in which I party and act like an idiot with the foreigners but the moment I stop and I look around, I get crushed by my loneliness. Isn’t it enough? A month passed since then. He should be hanging out with his friends, right? Having time for himself? Enjoying himself the freedom since I was always a nag.
If only I hadn’t heard him. If I hadn’t heard him saying I’m making him tired and he can’t go on like this, I would probably be there right now, making love to him. But I did. I heard it. I make him tired so I have to give him space. But isn’t it enough? Sure, LA is fun and I enjoy myself but it’s only an illusion. No matter how many times I laugh and go partying, I socialize at work since the offer came from there, I just need to get back to my room and I feel like crying.
I tried calling him hundreds of times. Sometimes I don’t even sleep. I just stare at the cell phone screen with his number on the display and I want to call him. I want to call him but if I do then I won’t be able to stop. I’ll want to go back and he’ll get tired of me again. I never thought it could be like this. That I could get this lonely. It’s lonely. I’m alone despite having so many people around me. God, I need another drink. I need to drink until I can’t remember anything anymore. But even as I drink, I remember him, and when I crash wasted, I dream of him. I’m alone and I miss him. I want to go back.
8. I wish for a happy ending.
Kame’s POV
How long has it been? A month, two since he left? I know I’m counting the days but I don’t want to anymore. I miss him. And this bed…this bed isn’t helping at all. I know I should get away from it but I can’t. Staying in this bed, arms spread and without a shirt on, I sometimes imagine him getting back home and touching me. I get aroused and give myself a hand but it’s not the same. My body needs him too. It’s incomplete without him. Everything is. And this bed, even after so long, it still smells like him. Or maybe it’s because of the jeans I’m wearing. I recently discovered that I used his clothes, the ones he felt, while I’m at home.
It’s better if I keep my eyes closed. When they are closed I can think and imagine anything. He hasn’t even called once but I don’t mind anymore. I remember his voice as soon as I close my eyes and that’s why I do it most of the times. I try to think how it will be when he comes back. I already made up different scenarios of how he’ll come back to me. He could call me before and tell me to open the door and he’ll be there. He could ask me to pick him up at the airport and I would run all the way there, he would come back with a bunch of roses and apologize to me. My personal favorite is the one where he just comes in, using his key, and kisses me good morning. I don’t need an apology. I’d be great if he’d give me one but I need him more. I just want him to come back and I don’t care how he does it as long as he comes back to me.
And I close my eyes. I’m going to dream of him again. Oh, yeah…now I remember. He left five months ago. I’ll have to make up for them in my dream. Please make this one have a happy ending.
Jin’s POV
I’ve had enough. I can’t go on anymore. I need to go home. I want to go home. I’ll go insane like this. I’ll end up beating someone, turning into an alcoholic or even getting fired but I don’t care. I want to go back. I don’t care about anything anymore. I called him on a private number. Actually, a foreign friend did it and passed it to me. He just mumbled something, quietly. He was probably sleeping so I hung up. Sleeping. Where? Is he back at our place or at a friend? Is he sleeping in our bed or on the couch? Does he still love me? I’m still afraid. Afraid I might go back and he’ll tell me to leave him. I’m afraid he might dump me. What if he thinks I did that? What if he moved on and has someone else? God, no!
I need to go back. I don’t want to dream of him anymore, I don’t want to hear his voice when I close my eyes and I so do not want to even think of him being with anyone else.
I’m stupid, right? I could have given him space any other way. I didn’t have to leave. Not like this. I could have done something else. Anything else.
How should I go back? What should I say or do? Maybe I should talk to his friends first. Yeah…they might tell me if Kazuya still loves me.
Yeah, I’ll go back. As soon as possible. I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to have a sweet dream of him that won’t hurt anymore as I wake up. I’m going to have my happy ending. I want one.
9. The unexpected ending.
Kazuya was on the bed, looking at the ceiling and sighing at the same time. He hated week-ends. Before, every week-end he would go on a picnic, camping or have a BBQ with the Bakanishi but now he had too much time to grief. He would remember how they met, their first kiss, their first night together and their first month anniversary.
He also ran out of Jin things to wear. He had used them for far to long and had to wash them and so they no longer smelled like Jin. He did have this one pair of jeans he knew Akanishi loved so he took those. He was spread all over the bed, with a pair of boxers and jeans on, jeans he didn’t even zip up, upper body naked, eyes closed, thinking how great it would be if Jin would be there with him. How much longer was he going to take? When was he planning on coming back? He could have called at Jin’s work place and ask but then he’d be full of expectations. And what if Jin didn’t love him anymore? What if this time he’d really want to break up? What if it was all a way to prepare for that?
He didn’t really know when he started thinking like that but he did and he was hurting himself. Maybe it would have been better if he’d started hating Jin but every single time he’d think of it, he’d remember every single day before him leaving and his heart would get filled with love. His love for Jin was stronger.
He just closed his eyes and went to sleep despite it being only close to noon.
Jin stopped in front of the door and took a deep breath in. He had to do it and get it over with. As soon as possible. He opened the door with his own key and got close to the bedroom. He saw Kazuya sleeping there and a pang loudly crushed his heart. He got closer and watched the younger one. A bit of surprise came over him as he saw the boy wearing nothing else but a pair of boxers and his jeans, but he couldn’t really understand why. Both Kazuya’s hands were placed closed to his head, like a little baby sleeping, and he looked so vulnerable.
Akanishi slowly put both knees on the bed and leaned towards the other, placing both his hands close to Kazuya’s. He wanted to kiss those lips, to touch that fast and that body. Before he could stop himself, his right hand moved all the way to the boxers and invaded the private space there, slowly caressing the length of Kazuya’s manhood. He heard a moan coming from the boy, a loud one and he frowned. Why was Kamenashi getting aroused? Who was he thinking of, did he had sex with someone else? Was he thinking his lover was doing that and reacted? It could have been that since he looked as if he just got out of the shower. Maybe Kazuya already moved on.
The thought crushed Akanishi so he got jealous far too quick. He wanted to go on rehab and that’s why he went away. To clear his mind and stop being so infatuated with Kazuya but the longer he stayed away the more obsessed he got with him. It was pointless. He loved Kazuya.
Jealous took over so he just took hold of the length, squeezing it hard, making the boy whine and shiver. As he slid his fingers over the top, the boy finally moved and hit the other straight in the stomach.
Akanishi fell on the ground and quickly put his hand on his belly, softly cursing.
- Who the fuck are you? What do you think you’re doing? I’m calling the police!! Kazuya shouted because he couldn’t see the face of the other and Jin’s hair color also changed.
Jin smiled to himself. So Kazuya wasn’t letting just anyone touch him. That was good.
- Kazu….this is my house, he giggled, finally looking up
The boy stopped with the phone in his hand, turned around and gasped, dropping the phone to the ground. A tear rolled down his face and he stumbled on the ground, biting his lower lip, waiting for something, anything.
- You…you’re back…, he whispered, not believing it. He had wished for it for so long that it almost seemed like another dream of his.
- Yes. I am back. I need to talk to you, Jin replied, getting all serious again.
Kazuya watched as Jin went to his luggage and put it on the bed and then unzipped them, ready to unpack. He tried getting up but he couldn’t. His legs were shaking and his hands were numb, dropped somewhere near his body.
- Kazuya? Akanishi asked concerned, leaning down close to the boy.
They both observed each other. Kazuya had gotten thinner, bonnier then before but the rest was all the same. Akanishi had now black hair and looked tanned, smelling of cigarettes. Jin didn’t use to smoke before leaving for LA.
- What about? Kazuya finally asked, looking up at the other but not moving once single inch from where he dropped on the floor.
- I..., Jin took a deep breath, sitting on his knees. I don’t want you to be my boyfriend anymore, he finally said, so fast that even he was surprised by it.
Kazuya gulped and looked down again. His heart started hurting and he felt like crying but he didn’t. So he was right, Jin wanted to break up with him. He stood up immediately, took of Jin’s jeans and put on his own and then quickly pulled all his clothes from the closet, trying to pack them somewhere.
- Kazu….Listen to me, Jin tried to stop him but as soon as he touched Kazuya he got slapped.
Kazuya slapped Jin, looked at him for a couple of moments and then continued ruffling all the clothes, not knowing exactly what do put where. He wanted to cry but couldn’t.
He was mad. Mad. If he had known that was what Jin was planning, he would have done something to stop him. Anything. He could have. He could have made Jin still be in love with him if he wouldn’t have left. He got angry. So angry he even kicked the closet and one of the chairs nearby. He was losing it, losing it big time.
Jin wrapped his arms around Kazuya and made him stop before hurting himself. It took him enduring a couple of other kicks and punches before the boy finally calmed down and started breathing normally. They both fell on the ground and panted, while Kazuya ignored looking at Jin.
Akanishi pulled out something from his pocket and showed it to the boy. Kamenashi first pushed it away but as his hand felt it, he stopped and looked closely. He gasped again and turned around to look at his ex-boyfriend, letting tears fall down his cheeks. He had said it. He wasn’t going to let himself taken away by emotions because Jin was in idiot and always said the sweetest things in the worst of the ways. Like when he wanted to date him, like when he wanted to say “ I love you “ and even now. He bit his lower lip and sniffed a few times, then grabbed the box and hugged the older one. Jin was still the same idiot.
Silence followed next. None of them said anything. Kazuya waited patiently as the older one placed the ring inside the box on his fingers and then did the same thing for Jin with the other. They didn’t say anything nor spoke about LA. They didn’t have to. Each understood the other perfectly. Jin was an idiot and was going to continue being one, but he was the most loving and romantic idiot of them all. Kazuya couldn’t fight him. He was going to forever lose in front of Jin but it was okay. He sniffed again and let his lips be captured by Jin as their hands entwined. Three months later, they got married and Kazuya reached the conclusion that he liked best not being Jin’s boyfriend anymore.. He didn’t need Jin as a boyfriend anymore. Not when he could have him as a husband.
A/N :if you'd want a RyoDa side story or an Epilogue to this...tell me. if you want it..i'll write them.
so...how about it?