(no subject)
i've been feeling sort of glum lately. and by lately i mean all god damn summer. it's not about leaving, i couldn't be happier about that. and it's certainly not about the kate bush record i'm listening to. i just think there's so much in this damn metroplex, so much history, that i'm ready to leave. because if i don't leave it soon (like...2 weeks from now) it will swallow me whole and i'll never come back. i just need to stop dwelling on a lot of things and right now i'm convinced that the only way for me to do that is to go far away. i clearly don't have the discipline to make myself stop dwelling on it while living here. i've just been drinking more beer than i should, eating more carbs than i should, staying up later than i should, and thinking more than i should, as per usual.
my mind is in so many places at one time and it constantly darts around from one topic to the next without leaving me time to actually think about anything...sane. lists aren't even saving me! i know i'm in deep when making a list doesn't make me feel better. so...i sort my lists out into "genres," if you will. i have a college preparation list (that's the largest one), a work list, and a house sale preparation list, among others. and yet, i keep dwelling. why do i dwell? i don't even like that word. it's unpleasant and i don't like the "dw-" letter combination.
i need to focus. i'm feeling really antsy and my leg is twitching and i feel nervous. this has been happening all summer and the worst part is, it's not even about reed. it's about something completely different that fucking happened almost a year ago and i don't know why it still bothers me. because it damn well shouldn't.
my mind is in so many places at one time and it constantly darts around from one topic to the next without leaving me time to actually think about anything...sane. lists aren't even saving me! i know i'm in deep when making a list doesn't make me feel better. so...i sort my lists out into "genres," if you will. i have a college preparation list (that's the largest one), a work list, and a house sale preparation list, among others. and yet, i keep dwelling. why do i dwell? i don't even like that word. it's unpleasant and i don't like the "dw-" letter combination.
i need to focus. i'm feeling really antsy and my leg is twitching and i feel nervous. this has been happening all summer and the worst part is, it's not even about reed. it's about something completely different that fucking happened almost a year ago and i don't know why it still bothers me. because it damn well shouldn't.