Since it's been a while....
Oh man, I realize I have not posted in here in a while, but then again it shows how busy I have been. Since the first weekend of this month, the 3rd and 4th, I have been in training for HD, started my first week of 12 hour days, had my first weekend after such a week, and landed here, in this week. Working a disjointed schedule like this for two different jobs sucks, but you have to do what you need to survive. The first two days at HD were hell because I work boots. Concrete floors and boots don't mix. I was able to get good shoes after that, and it significantly improved the experience. I think I'll be able to handle it all which is kind of odd for me, since jobs like this usually just piss me off. Give it time though. Even though it's overnight, retail will still bite me at some point.
It looks like things are getting better with the woman. I see genuine love and happiness there, which is really nice considering all the other things I seem to have fucked up this month. 2 of the closest girls I have ever had as friends are now out and gone from my life.
The first I mentioned at the beginning of this month. She is slipping into her old "I hate myself and my life" world where she believes everything is out of control is. I helped her out of it once, I don't have the energy to do it again. She's bitter and reclusive to me now, so I figure I would rather focus on the woman I actually live with.
The last occurred just a few days ago. She was, to me, a very free spirit who new how to enjoy herself. Now, society has gotten to her and she is turning into a self loathing witch. I mean, I am all for improving ones self and all, but the reasons should be good. She has issues with how many guys and girls she has had over time. She's only 21 and figures she has at least 70 guys under her belt. I see no huge issue with this. It's a life style, though some may look down on it. And now she looks down on it too. She says it's ruined some of her relationships and such, which is fine and all, but she has been talking like this for a month. The thing that gets me is last week she was with a kid she said she really liked. One night, they had sex for the first time, the next day, she was with someone else. This also caused an issue with one of her friends who was interested in the first kid. That's ok too, though I'm not sure how it fit's in directly. At least it gives you an idea of how flaky she is about this.
So Sunday night she starts in on me after I say hi. She goes off about my woman, who she thinks is using me, then goes off about one of her friends I know and how I'm not being clear enough with my intentions. She was on this total rant, so I just said fuck it. She then proceeds to get really pissed and starts blaming me for all of her problems. I am one of 70 guys she has been with, but I am the cause for her issues. I'm sure she has been with a fair share of guys who were just using her, were mean, etc. I was probably one of the nicest guys because she was a good friend. She needs a target for her hate other than herself though. She needs to feel vindicated. It seems like my last duty as a good friend is to take the wrap so she has somewhere to vent and someone to blame. For what she used to mean to me, I'll do it.
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well you've got me working so hard lately
working my hands until they bleed
if i was twice the man i could be
i'd still be half of what you need
still you lead me and i follow
anything you ask you know i'll do
this one act of consecration is what i ask of you
well you just leave me nailed here
hanging like Jesus on this cross
i'm just dying for your sins
and aiding to the cause
wrap my eyes in bandages
confessions i see through
i get everything i want
when i get part of you
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People are fucked. Why be unhappy with yourself? I mean, it's good to aspire to be happier if you change things about you, but unless your murdering someone, or abusing people, or using drugs, or some other weak minded crutch, why not be happy with what you are, and simply strive to be happier? What is the meaning of life? To struggle for 70 years trying to put yourself and those around you down? Life was never meant to be lived like that, but our race has come to far, to fast, for it's own good. On top of that, the idea of the strong surviving has been killed, so we're dragging idiots along with us kicking and screaming. I think people would learn to be a lot happier if they simply saw other unhappy people being left behind.
For as busy as I was, it was an oddly deep week. Oh well, time to trudge on.
Ciao.
~Frost
It looks like things are getting better with the woman. I see genuine love and happiness there, which is really nice considering all the other things I seem to have fucked up this month. 2 of the closest girls I have ever had as friends are now out and gone from my life.
The first I mentioned at the beginning of this month. She is slipping into her old "I hate myself and my life" world where she believes everything is out of control is. I helped her out of it once, I don't have the energy to do it again. She's bitter and reclusive to me now, so I figure I would rather focus on the woman I actually live with.
The last occurred just a few days ago. She was, to me, a very free spirit who new how to enjoy herself. Now, society has gotten to her and she is turning into a self loathing witch. I mean, I am all for improving ones self and all, but the reasons should be good. She has issues with how many guys and girls she has had over time. She's only 21 and figures she has at least 70 guys under her belt. I see no huge issue with this. It's a life style, though some may look down on it. And now she looks down on it too. She says it's ruined some of her relationships and such, which is fine and all, but she has been talking like this for a month. The thing that gets me is last week she was with a kid she said she really liked. One night, they had sex for the first time, the next day, she was with someone else. This also caused an issue with one of her friends who was interested in the first kid. That's ok too, though I'm not sure how it fit's in directly. At least it gives you an idea of how flaky she is about this.
So Sunday night she starts in on me after I say hi. She goes off about my woman, who she thinks is using me, then goes off about one of her friends I know and how I'm not being clear enough with my intentions. She was on this total rant, so I just said fuck it. She then proceeds to get really pissed and starts blaming me for all of her problems. I am one of 70 guys she has been with, but I am the cause for her issues. I'm sure she has been with a fair share of guys who were just using her, were mean, etc. I was probably one of the nicest guys because she was a good friend. She needs a target for her hate other than herself though. She needs to feel vindicated. It seems like my last duty as a good friend is to take the wrap so she has somewhere to vent and someone to blame. For what she used to mean to me, I'll do it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
well you've got me working so hard lately
working my hands until they bleed
if i was twice the man i could be
i'd still be half of what you need
still you lead me and i follow
anything you ask you know i'll do
this one act of consecration is what i ask of you
well you just leave me nailed here
hanging like Jesus on this cross
i'm just dying for your sins
and aiding to the cause
wrap my eyes in bandages
confessions i see through
i get everything i want
when i get part of you
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
People are fucked. Why be unhappy with yourself? I mean, it's good to aspire to be happier if you change things about you, but unless your murdering someone, or abusing people, or using drugs, or some other weak minded crutch, why not be happy with what you are, and simply strive to be happier? What is the meaning of life? To struggle for 70 years trying to put yourself and those around you down? Life was never meant to be lived like that, but our race has come to far, to fast, for it's own good. On top of that, the idea of the strong surviving has been killed, so we're dragging idiots along with us kicking and screaming. I think people would learn to be a lot happier if they simply saw other unhappy people being left behind.
For as busy as I was, it was an oddly deep week. Oh well, time to trudge on.
Ciao.
~Frost