Consolidation
I think i've reached my creative peak these last two months or so. I've just been writing non-stop. I'm starting to get to a point where I think I can slow down and just work on organization, implementation and presentation. It's tough to put down though. When you feel like every week or so produces something major, it becomes addictive. You want to just keep going back to the well over and over to see if you can do the magic trick again. You want to just keep popping those big "!" eureka moments and getting that ego boost from snaring another big idea. But, it's got to end sometime.
The writing on the wall is becoming more and more noticeable: 'consolidate...stop advancing.' Maybe I should have shut the show down a week or two ago now that i'm reflecting on it. At first I thought it was just a rough spot, but now I think my brain is trying to tell me when enough is enough.
The consolidation phase is always the hardest for me. It lacks that raw thrill and passion of invention...of being an artist firing molten shells at a blank canvas. In college, i'd never take the time to edit and iterate on my papers, regardless of how much I was invested in the quality. I made excuses about how I enjoyed the "authenticity" or some bullshit of leaving my first crack at it as the final version. But, I was lazy and grossly unappreciative of the blessing (couldn't think of a non-religious word...ughh) it is to be able to good creative work. I didn't feel obliged to refine it and suffer to squeeze every last ounce of quality I could out of it. I honestly regret to this day all the half-baked work I left behind, even if it was celebrated or loved. It's one of my biggest regrets and one of my biggest flaws.
But, that was when my work didn't have the consequence it does now. Now the difference between my best work and my second-best work matters in ways I really struggle to quantify or articulate. I can't let myself be a kid about it any more...I need to end the streak and refocus. I think it's likely I never have a streak like this again, which is one of the reasons why i've clung to it. I know in the future I might look back with regret and wonder what I could have done if I pushed it a little longer while I had the capacity, but i'm willing to live with that. At this point in my creative growth, which I consider the most important part of my life, I need to mature so I can become stronger in other ways in the future.
It's just tough...it's like breaking up with a girlfriend or something. It's been one hell of a blast, though.
The writing on the wall is becoming more and more noticeable: 'consolidate...stop advancing.' Maybe I should have shut the show down a week or two ago now that i'm reflecting on it. At first I thought it was just a rough spot, but now I think my brain is trying to tell me when enough is enough.
The consolidation phase is always the hardest for me. It lacks that raw thrill and passion of invention...of being an artist firing molten shells at a blank canvas. In college, i'd never take the time to edit and iterate on my papers, regardless of how much I was invested in the quality. I made excuses about how I enjoyed the "authenticity" or some bullshit of leaving my first crack at it as the final version. But, I was lazy and grossly unappreciative of the blessing (couldn't think of a non-religious word...ughh) it is to be able to good creative work. I didn't feel obliged to refine it and suffer to squeeze every last ounce of quality I could out of it. I honestly regret to this day all the half-baked work I left behind, even if it was celebrated or loved. It's one of my biggest regrets and one of my biggest flaws.
But, that was when my work didn't have the consequence it does now. Now the difference between my best work and my second-best work matters in ways I really struggle to quantify or articulate. I can't let myself be a kid about it any more...I need to end the streak and refocus. I think it's likely I never have a streak like this again, which is one of the reasons why i've clung to it. I know in the future I might look back with regret and wonder what I could have done if I pushed it a little longer while I had the capacity, but i'm willing to live with that. At this point in my creative growth, which I consider the most important part of my life, I need to mature so I can become stronger in other ways in the future.
It's just tough...it's like breaking up with a girlfriend or something. It's been one hell of a blast, though.