Kill the jews
Alright... alright get this. Its 12:22 and i'm tired as fuck. I woke up at 10 this morning, nuff said. But... I'm depressed. Why? Because I won't see any of you fine people until the 22nd. Isn't that crap? Well, it'll be all built up and I'll give everyone a hug and then we'll all stand around looking at the ground avoiding each other's eyes and think... who the fuck is this? Or not...
My mind is borderline not making sense, I'm trying to get out the clarity before it fades... oh fuck there it goes. Well, did you come here looking for clear, concise thoughts? NO! Because you already know them. Welcome to Nat's subconscious. Or, at least, unconscious...
Last summer, I was riding in the back of Jimmy's truck.. no, wait, I was in the front... only time I ever got the front seat because my brother was in the back with the Canadian... and Jimmy was talking about girls, as is often the case... and he said "I don't like boobs all that much. They're cool and all, but I like everything... legs, ass, stomach... what about you, Nat?" (How can you not like boobs? This goes along with theory that Jimmy is a flaming homo because when someone talks about nothing but girls I get suspicious) and I said "Oh yeah, boobs all the way, nothing else matters."
That night, I woke up, and I realized the fucking Canadian was holding my hand to her boob. I pulled my hand away, she gave me a hurt look and climbed onto my friend Travis' bed and they cuddled all night... I tried sleeping but the ground was hard... all I thought about was how my fucking "friend" Abe wouldn't answer his door so that I could sleep there away from the evils of Canada. So I got up and ran to the top of the hill behind wal-mart which usually takes me an hour in 24 minutes.
Whats the point?
Fuck if I know.
Thats the problem with my stories... and Kim pointed this out to me, only she was talking about herself... well, she is like me, so her talking about herself is like she was talking about me... thats whats cool about us, we can talk about ourselves and other person will be interested... what the fuck was I talking about? Oh... the problem is, I'll be trying to prove a point, but everything is distracting and I go off on some other story and forget what the fuck I was talking about in the first place. Why is this a problem? Let me demonstrate.
Here is what I think of alcohol.
I was in Nevada, at my friend's sister's 24th Birthday party. Everyone there hates people from the next town over (and I understand why, once 10 of them jumped out of the back of a pickup truck in an attempt to fight me, two friends and a girlfriend... what pussies!) so the girl that was from the next town over was being treated badly. I, however, don't give a fuck about politics because I'm from California and I can't do whatever the fuck I want... so I go up to the girl and she says "You're tall!" and I say... "Yeah. Whats your name?" and she tells me but I'm already spaced out, thinking about how much she looks like my first girlfriend, a girl I met on the internet who lived in North Carolina... then I think, wait, what did the girl from North Carolina look like? And then I think, oh, they're both blond. She keeps talking to me, and I realize I'm talking back but I can't hear what I'm saying... and I think, I must be drunk... but then I think oh! Wait! I haven't drinken anything yet.
My friend Sam's girlfriend, who is mean to me but considers me her best friend says "You haven't ever got drunk! Here, have my hippo."
So I take a few sips out of her hippo and everyone is like yayyy! Nat had some alcohol!
My friend Sam runs to the top of the hill in an attempt to race Tyler down in the dark.
Once, when I was 7, while rafting down the river I saw a guy try to drive a quad up this exact hill and three quarters up flip backwards, and not let go as he rolled at least twenty times front over back to the bottom of the hill.
I don't really care much as Sam says "Okay, go!" and Tyler jumps off the hill and rolls all the way down on a bunch of rocks, but I was in charge of his hippo so I finish it off for him.
I get down to the campfire again and the girl there is staring blankly into the fire. I incite conversation by saying something, but she doesn't hear me.
Nate... are you drunk? Sam's girlfriend asks me.
I stumble... yeah! I'm fucked up! I say.
She glares at me.
I once had a conversation with her about how her heart was broken when Sam once kissed another girl when they weren't even going out and she tried to convince me why this validated her extreme jealousy. After, she gave me a huge hug.. but when I returned a week later, she glared at me again.
I'm sleeping with you tonight, the blonde tells me. I nod.
The birthday girl walks up to me. Hey, she says. "We need someone to drive us to get some more booze." I'm like no, I'm drunk... and she says "Are you mocking me?" (because she had tried giving up drinking beer twice that day already, and had not been without a 24 pack a day for several years) and I was like... no, I guess the hippos hadn't affected me at all. Weird.
So I take Cory's Honda, (yeah, Hondas are pussy cars but have you ever driven one? They're great fun... over 200,000 miles and its still fun to take offroads... by the way, Cory is Sam) and drive all the way to Yerington where the clerk doesn't even ask for ID as I buy two twelve packs and a couple bottles of some peach schnopps and Mike's Hard Lemonaide... and all the way the birthday girl wants to hear Greenday... and I love greenday, but I'd already heard this international super hits three times...
And we get back, and everyone asks "Where the fuck have you been?" and I'm like... you're all drunk. And they're like... oh yeah.
And right then another girl promised her mom she'd be home by midnight so I drive her too but in Dick's truck and she's drunk as fuck and horny too and she's like thanks for the ride and I'm like yeah and shes like hey I remember you didn't you run through the mexican party only wearing an american flag for a cape? And I was like yeah and she was like you want a blowjob? And I was like nah.
So I get back and my brother tells me he already lit off the fireworks we had been saving since the 4th that Jimmy gave us and tells me how great they are and I'm like fuckkk and Sam's been gone for half an hour so I go to look for him because he passes out whenever he is quiet for more than like thirty seconds... so he had wondered off about half a mile by then looking for mountain lions to crush with rocks so I yell SAMMM and he yells BOBBB but then passes out and this goes on for several minutes until finally he wakes up and he's standing about two feet from me and he was like oh thank god you're here I thought you were a nazi and you could tell I'm jewish because of my star of david tattoo and I was like nah lets go back and hes like okay.
I found out I missed, once again, drunken boxing, though they prove they had done so by the dents in their ribcages... and Sam downs two twenty four packs and three 40s of beer
So I retire for the night with the blonde chick and she cuddles with me but I had been warned that "everyone in gardenerville has tons of STDs!" so I just sit and listen to the fucking greenday album played over and over and haven't listened to Greenday since. Except I like their new album. Weird.
What the fuck was the point of that story? Exactly. But, see, there is one... Sam is like, my bestest friend... maybe not, but he's the coolest... and I haven't heard from him in six months because he's a fucking alcoholic. So thats what I think of alcohol. Its fun, but don't abuse it.
My mind is borderline not making sense, I'm trying to get out the clarity before it fades... oh fuck there it goes. Well, did you come here looking for clear, concise thoughts? NO! Because you already know them. Welcome to Nat's subconscious. Or, at least, unconscious...
Last summer, I was riding in the back of Jimmy's truck.. no, wait, I was in the front... only time I ever got the front seat because my brother was in the back with the Canadian... and Jimmy was talking about girls, as is often the case... and he said "I don't like boobs all that much. They're cool and all, but I like everything... legs, ass, stomach... what about you, Nat?" (How can you not like boobs? This goes along with theory that Jimmy is a flaming homo because when someone talks about nothing but girls I get suspicious) and I said "Oh yeah, boobs all the way, nothing else matters."
That night, I woke up, and I realized the fucking Canadian was holding my hand to her boob. I pulled my hand away, she gave me a hurt look and climbed onto my friend Travis' bed and they cuddled all night... I tried sleeping but the ground was hard... all I thought about was how my fucking "friend" Abe wouldn't answer his door so that I could sleep there away from the evils of Canada. So I got up and ran to the top of the hill behind wal-mart which usually takes me an hour in 24 minutes.
Whats the point?
Fuck if I know.
Thats the problem with my stories... and Kim pointed this out to me, only she was talking about herself... well, she is like me, so her talking about herself is like she was talking about me... thats whats cool about us, we can talk about ourselves and other person will be interested... what the fuck was I talking about? Oh... the problem is, I'll be trying to prove a point, but everything is distracting and I go off on some other story and forget what the fuck I was talking about in the first place. Why is this a problem? Let me demonstrate.
Here is what I think of alcohol.
I was in Nevada, at my friend's sister's 24th Birthday party. Everyone there hates people from the next town over (and I understand why, once 10 of them jumped out of the back of a pickup truck in an attempt to fight me, two friends and a girlfriend... what pussies!) so the girl that was from the next town over was being treated badly. I, however, don't give a fuck about politics because I'm from California and I can't do whatever the fuck I want... so I go up to the girl and she says "You're tall!" and I say... "Yeah. Whats your name?" and she tells me but I'm already spaced out, thinking about how much she looks like my first girlfriend, a girl I met on the internet who lived in North Carolina... then I think, wait, what did the girl from North Carolina look like? And then I think, oh, they're both blond. She keeps talking to me, and I realize I'm talking back but I can't hear what I'm saying... and I think, I must be drunk... but then I think oh! Wait! I haven't drinken anything yet.
My friend Sam's girlfriend, who is mean to me but considers me her best friend says "You haven't ever got drunk! Here, have my hippo."
So I take a few sips out of her hippo and everyone is like yayyy! Nat had some alcohol!
My friend Sam runs to the top of the hill in an attempt to race Tyler down in the dark.
Once, when I was 7, while rafting down the river I saw a guy try to drive a quad up this exact hill and three quarters up flip backwards, and not let go as he rolled at least twenty times front over back to the bottom of the hill.
I don't really care much as Sam says "Okay, go!" and Tyler jumps off the hill and rolls all the way down on a bunch of rocks, but I was in charge of his hippo so I finish it off for him.
I get down to the campfire again and the girl there is staring blankly into the fire. I incite conversation by saying something, but she doesn't hear me.
Nate... are you drunk? Sam's girlfriend asks me.
I stumble... yeah! I'm fucked up! I say.
She glares at me.
I once had a conversation with her about how her heart was broken when Sam once kissed another girl when they weren't even going out and she tried to convince me why this validated her extreme jealousy. After, she gave me a huge hug.. but when I returned a week later, she glared at me again.
I'm sleeping with you tonight, the blonde tells me. I nod.
The birthday girl walks up to me. Hey, she says. "We need someone to drive us to get some more booze." I'm like no, I'm drunk... and she says "Are you mocking me?" (because she had tried giving up drinking beer twice that day already, and had not been without a 24 pack a day for several years) and I was like... no, I guess the hippos hadn't affected me at all. Weird.
So I take Cory's Honda, (yeah, Hondas are pussy cars but have you ever driven one? They're great fun... over 200,000 miles and its still fun to take offroads... by the way, Cory is Sam) and drive all the way to Yerington where the clerk doesn't even ask for ID as I buy two twelve packs and a couple bottles of some peach schnopps and Mike's Hard Lemonaide... and all the way the birthday girl wants to hear Greenday... and I love greenday, but I'd already heard this international super hits three times...
And we get back, and everyone asks "Where the fuck have you been?" and I'm like... you're all drunk. And they're like... oh yeah.
And right then another girl promised her mom she'd be home by midnight so I drive her too but in Dick's truck and she's drunk as fuck and horny too and she's like thanks for the ride and I'm like yeah and shes like hey I remember you didn't you run through the mexican party only wearing an american flag for a cape? And I was like yeah and she was like you want a blowjob? And I was like nah.
So I get back and my brother tells me he already lit off the fireworks we had been saving since the 4th that Jimmy gave us and tells me how great they are and I'm like fuckkk and Sam's been gone for half an hour so I go to look for him because he passes out whenever he is quiet for more than like thirty seconds... so he had wondered off about half a mile by then looking for mountain lions to crush with rocks so I yell SAMMM and he yells BOBBB but then passes out and this goes on for several minutes until finally he wakes up and he's standing about two feet from me and he was like oh thank god you're here I thought you were a nazi and you could tell I'm jewish because of my star of david tattoo and I was like nah lets go back and hes like okay.
I found out I missed, once again, drunken boxing, though they prove they had done so by the dents in their ribcages... and Sam downs two twenty four packs and three 40s of beer
So I retire for the night with the blonde chick and she cuddles with me but I had been warned that "everyone in gardenerville has tons of STDs!" so I just sit and listen to the fucking greenday album played over and over and haven't listened to Greenday since. Except I like their new album. Weird.
What the fuck was the point of that story? Exactly. But, see, there is one... Sam is like, my bestest friend... maybe not, but he's the coolest... and I haven't heard from him in six months because he's a fucking alcoholic. So thats what I think of alcohol. Its fun, but don't abuse it.