Damned If I Do Ya (9/11)
Title: Damned If I Do Ya (9/11)
Author: daydream4way
Pairing: Merrikat
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 1,247
Summary: Jack and Zack have been fucking since before All Time Low was even a band, but they’re not exclusive, and no one else knows, and they’re both okay with that, because they each think that’s what the other wants. This story will be primarily told through flashbacks for the first few chapters, and it will probably not be completely historically accurate.
Jack looks at the girl panting beneath him. Rebecca? Samantha? Something like that. It's not like it really matters. What matters is forgetting Zack. He thrusts into her hard, increasing his rhythm more out of anger than his own need to get off. Honestly, this girl could be anyone, he really doesn't care about her. He comes quickly and hard, and abruptly pulls out of her, tying off the condom and walking it to the trash.
"The motel room is paid for the night if you wanted to stay here." He puts his jeans on, and starts looking for his shirt.
"That's okay, my mom would get worried."
"Huh. How old are you anyways?"
"Fifteen."
"Okay, I didn't hear that." Seriously, Jack needed to start asking these band sluts their age before he fucked them senseless. (Not that he thought they had any sense to begin with). He finds his t-shirt and says a quick thanks to the girl before walking out of the room, leaving her speechless.
He finds Alex on the tour bus, having just used his motel room's shower. "Alex, why am I such a fuck up?"
"I dunno what did you do this time Jackie?"
"I had sex with a another band slut."
"It happens." He shrugs.
"She was fifteen." Jack states, angry at himself for sleeping with her in the first place.
"Jack. That's not okay."
"I know Alex. I fucked up. I'm a fuck up, what can I say?"
"Seriously Jack, you've fucked like eight girls this week. Why don't you try talking to Zack?" Alex takes out his phone and starts typing something.
"He won't talk to me Alex. He's ignored all my texts. The only time I see him is on stage when he won't even look at me. Which is fine I guess because I still have no clue what the fuck I'd say anyways."
"Yeah, well you're going to have to figure it out, because he's coming to meet me on the bus right now" says Alex as he walks out of the bus.
"Alex no!" Jack screams at the slamming door. "Fuck." Jack starts pacing up and down the short length of their bus. What the fuck is he supposed to say to Zack? Is Zack even going to listen to him, or will he just leave the minute he realizes he's not meeting Alex. Fuck. What Jack wants is for everything to go back to the way it was before Zack had this brilliant revelation. Why couldn't they just stay the way they were? Why did Zack suddenly decide he wanted more? Why did Jack feel like maybe, just maybe he did too? But Jack doesn't get to even touch that thought, because suddenly Zack is walking into the bus, coming face to face with Jack.
"Where's Alex?" He asks, not bothering to look Jack in the eye as he asks the question.
"He uh... He's not here he wanted us to talk so..." Zack's already turning to leave before Jack can finish his sentence. Jack grabs Zack's shoulder and pulls him back a little, "can you at least listen to me for five minutes before you go back to pretending I don't exist?" Jack asks, annoyed and upset.
Zack sighs loudly. "Fine. What do you have to say?"
"I miss you." Zack looks at him, waiting for him to continue, but he doesn't.
"That's all you have to say? You miss me?"
"Zack. You spring this huge confession on me, you give me less than a minute to even process what you've said to me, and then you walk away and don't talk to me for two weeks. How the fuck is that fair?"
"I didn't do it to be an asshole Jack. Try to understand how I feel."
"Fuck you. Try to understand how I feel Zack. I'm a fucking mess. I need my best friend. I miss you." Jack refuses to cry. He's too angry at Zack and himself to cry.
"You miss me, or you miss fucking me?"
"Fuck Zack isn't it okay to miss both?" Jack asks, feeling even more desperate now.
"No Jack it's not. Not when you're straight. Not when you have no feelings for me."
"I don't know what I feel okay!?" Jack screams at him, immediately shocked at his own words. "No, I'm not doing this. I'm not going to let you..."
"Let me what Jack? I'm not doing anything. You wanted to talk? Fucking talk."
"Fuck just leave Zack. It's what you're good at isn't it?" Zack stares at Jack for what feels like an eternity, his eyes burning with rage. He turns to walk away, but Jack grabs him forcefully, smashing their lips together in a kiss that's full of pain, and anger, and desperation and maybe just a little bit of hope.
Zack's mouth parts eagerly, finding the familiar taste of Jack oh so tantalizing. He pushes Jack onto the couch, deepening the kiss. His hands quickly find their way to Jack's belt loops, and he undoes the top button of Jack's pants before realizing what he's doing. Using all his strength, he abruptly pulls away from Jack, panting.
"Zack, don't... can't we just... just for tonight?"
"You know that we can't." Zack crosses his arms over his chest, almost positive that his hands might betray his brain if he doesn't.
"Can you... can you just hold me for a while before you leave?" Zack can do that. He sits next to Jack, enveloping him in a very tight hug, listening to the sound of Jack's breathing go back to normal.
"Zack?" Jack asks quietly.
"Hmm?"
"How long have you been gay?"
"I think I was pretty much always gay. I dunno, maybe to you it's a perfectly normal thing to kiss a guy you just met and then have sex with him and act like you're totally straight, but I dunno, I suppose I knew that since I liked having sex with a guy, and since I liked men's bodies, I must be gay."
"But I don't like men's bodies."
"You don't like my body?" Zack is a little hurt by this comment. Everyone likes Zack's body. He worked really hard to get this body. And Jack doesn't like it?
"No, I fucking love your body. I just don't look at other guys like that."
"Do you look at girls like that?"
"Yeah." But if Jack's completely honest, he doesn't look at anyone the way he looks at Zack.
"Well I dunno, I guess you're straight then. I don't think I'm the right person to help you figure it out Jack. Maybe you should talk to Alex about it."
"What if... what if I didn't sleep with any girls anymore?" Jack can't even believe he's saying it, but he does mean it.
"What do you mean?"
"Well if we went back to the way it was before we started touring, remember? When it was just us?"
"You'd stop sleeping with girls?" Zack is shocked by this statement. Jack sleeps with a different girl almost every night. Sometimes more than one a night.
"I would."
"It's not enough though Jack. I'm sorry but it's not just about the sex for me anymore."
"So then how do I fix this?"
"You can't. You can't make yourself feel something you don't. Just give me some time. That's all I'm asking for." Zack kisses Jack's forehead, letting him go. "I'm going to go."
"Okay." No, it wasn't okay, but what right did Jack have to ask him to stay?
A/N: Okay, don't judge my poor smut writing in those two first paragraphs. But yeah, poor Jack. He's really confused, and it breaks my heart. I wonder how on earth this will get settled in only two chapters. Hopefully this chapter was up to par. I really liked it. As always, comments make me feel like it's Christmas and my birthday all at the same time :D
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Author: daydream4way
Pairing: Merrikat
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 1,247
Summary: Jack and Zack have been fucking since before All Time Low was even a band, but they’re not exclusive, and no one else knows, and they’re both okay with that, because they each think that’s what the other wants. This story will be primarily told through flashbacks for the first few chapters, and it will probably not be completely historically accurate.
Jack looks at the girl panting beneath him. Rebecca? Samantha? Something like that. It's not like it really matters. What matters is forgetting Zack. He thrusts into her hard, increasing his rhythm more out of anger than his own need to get off. Honestly, this girl could be anyone, he really doesn't care about her. He comes quickly and hard, and abruptly pulls out of her, tying off the condom and walking it to the trash.
"The motel room is paid for the night if you wanted to stay here." He puts his jeans on, and starts looking for his shirt.
"That's okay, my mom would get worried."
"Huh. How old are you anyways?"
"Fifteen."
"Okay, I didn't hear that." Seriously, Jack needed to start asking these band sluts their age before he fucked them senseless. (Not that he thought they had any sense to begin with). He finds his t-shirt and says a quick thanks to the girl before walking out of the room, leaving her speechless.
He finds Alex on the tour bus, having just used his motel room's shower. "Alex, why am I such a fuck up?"
"I dunno what did you do this time Jackie?"
"I had sex with a another band slut."
"It happens." He shrugs.
"She was fifteen." Jack states, angry at himself for sleeping with her in the first place.
"Jack. That's not okay."
"I know Alex. I fucked up. I'm a fuck up, what can I say?"
"Seriously Jack, you've fucked like eight girls this week. Why don't you try talking to Zack?" Alex takes out his phone and starts typing something.
"He won't talk to me Alex. He's ignored all my texts. The only time I see him is on stage when he won't even look at me. Which is fine I guess because I still have no clue what the fuck I'd say anyways."
"Yeah, well you're going to have to figure it out, because he's coming to meet me on the bus right now" says Alex as he walks out of the bus.
"Alex no!" Jack screams at the slamming door. "Fuck." Jack starts pacing up and down the short length of their bus. What the fuck is he supposed to say to Zack? Is Zack even going to listen to him, or will he just leave the minute he realizes he's not meeting Alex. Fuck. What Jack wants is for everything to go back to the way it was before Zack had this brilliant revelation. Why couldn't they just stay the way they were? Why did Zack suddenly decide he wanted more? Why did Jack feel like maybe, just maybe he did too? But Jack doesn't get to even touch that thought, because suddenly Zack is walking into the bus, coming face to face with Jack.
"Where's Alex?" He asks, not bothering to look Jack in the eye as he asks the question.
"He uh... He's not here he wanted us to talk so..." Zack's already turning to leave before Jack can finish his sentence. Jack grabs Zack's shoulder and pulls him back a little, "can you at least listen to me for five minutes before you go back to pretending I don't exist?" Jack asks, annoyed and upset.
Zack sighs loudly. "Fine. What do you have to say?"
"I miss you." Zack looks at him, waiting for him to continue, but he doesn't.
"That's all you have to say? You miss me?"
"Zack. You spring this huge confession on me, you give me less than a minute to even process what you've said to me, and then you walk away and don't talk to me for two weeks. How the fuck is that fair?"
"I didn't do it to be an asshole Jack. Try to understand how I feel."
"Fuck you. Try to understand how I feel Zack. I'm a fucking mess. I need my best friend. I miss you." Jack refuses to cry. He's too angry at Zack and himself to cry.
"You miss me, or you miss fucking me?"
"Fuck Zack isn't it okay to miss both?" Jack asks, feeling even more desperate now.
"No Jack it's not. Not when you're straight. Not when you have no feelings for me."
"I don't know what I feel okay!?" Jack screams at him, immediately shocked at his own words. "No, I'm not doing this. I'm not going to let you..."
"Let me what Jack? I'm not doing anything. You wanted to talk? Fucking talk."
"Fuck just leave Zack. It's what you're good at isn't it?" Zack stares at Jack for what feels like an eternity, his eyes burning with rage. He turns to walk away, but Jack grabs him forcefully, smashing their lips together in a kiss that's full of pain, and anger, and desperation and maybe just a little bit of hope.
Zack's mouth parts eagerly, finding the familiar taste of Jack oh so tantalizing. He pushes Jack onto the couch, deepening the kiss. His hands quickly find their way to Jack's belt loops, and he undoes the top button of Jack's pants before realizing what he's doing. Using all his strength, he abruptly pulls away from Jack, panting.
"Zack, don't... can't we just... just for tonight?"
"You know that we can't." Zack crosses his arms over his chest, almost positive that his hands might betray his brain if he doesn't.
"Can you... can you just hold me for a while before you leave?" Zack can do that. He sits next to Jack, enveloping him in a very tight hug, listening to the sound of Jack's breathing go back to normal.
"Zack?" Jack asks quietly.
"Hmm?"
"How long have you been gay?"
"I think I was pretty much always gay. I dunno, maybe to you it's a perfectly normal thing to kiss a guy you just met and then have sex with him and act like you're totally straight, but I dunno, I suppose I knew that since I liked having sex with a guy, and since I liked men's bodies, I must be gay."
"But I don't like men's bodies."
"You don't like my body?" Zack is a little hurt by this comment. Everyone likes Zack's body. He worked really hard to get this body. And Jack doesn't like it?
"No, I fucking love your body. I just don't look at other guys like that."
"Do you look at girls like that?"
"Yeah." But if Jack's completely honest, he doesn't look at anyone the way he looks at Zack.
"Well I dunno, I guess you're straight then. I don't think I'm the right person to help you figure it out Jack. Maybe you should talk to Alex about it."
"What if... what if I didn't sleep with any girls anymore?" Jack can't even believe he's saying it, but he does mean it.
"What do you mean?"
"Well if we went back to the way it was before we started touring, remember? When it was just us?"
"You'd stop sleeping with girls?" Zack is shocked by this statement. Jack sleeps with a different girl almost every night. Sometimes more than one a night.
"I would."
"It's not enough though Jack. I'm sorry but it's not just about the sex for me anymore."
"So then how do I fix this?"
"You can't. You can't make yourself feel something you don't. Just give me some time. That's all I'm asking for." Zack kisses Jack's forehead, letting him go. "I'm going to go."
"Okay." No, it wasn't okay, but what right did Jack have to ask him to stay?
A/N: Okay, don't judge my poor smut writing in those two first paragraphs. But yeah, poor Jack. He's really confused, and it breaks my heart. I wonder how on earth this will get settled in only two chapters. Hopefully this chapter was up to par. I really liked it. As always, comments make me feel like it's Christmas and my birthday all at the same time :D
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