Title: Damned If I Do Ya (8/11)
Title: Damned If I Do Ya (8/11)
Author: daydream4way
Pairing: Merrikat
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 1,425
Summary: Jack and Zack have been fucking since before All Time Low was even a band, but they’re not exclusive, and no one else knows, and they’re both okay with that, because they each think that’s what the other wants. This story will be primarily told through flashbacks for the first few chapters, and it will probably not be completely historically accurate.
Alex storms into the bar, locking eyes on Jack immediately. He's dancing with someone, not the same person he was when Alex left, and yeah, that would be completely fine if Alex didn't know how much pain this was causing Zack. He walks over to Jack and grabs his arm, "Bro, I need to talk to you for a second."
"Ow Alex, that's my arm. What the hell, way to cock block."
"Jack, I need to talk to you."
"Okay. Talk."
"About Zack." Where was Zack? Jack hadn't seen him all night. If he wasn't gonna get off with this girl tonight, then maybe he and Zack could spend some time together, it had been like a week.
"Okay" he says hesitantly.
"About you and Zack" says Alex.
"What about me and Zack?"
"I know Jack." And it's something about the way Alex says this that has Jack tripping fucking balls right about now.
"You know what?"
"I know you two have a thing or whatever. I know you're having sex." That statement is like a punch in the face. No one is supposed to know about him and Zack. They've been so fucking careful not to get caught. There's no way Alex knows, he's just fucking around. Right? RIGHT?!
"That's ridiculous. I'm not gay Alex."
"I saw you guys in the hot tub in Hawaii."
"I don't know what you think you saw..."
"I saw you getting your ass fucked by one of my best friends. Who happens to be outside crying right now because you're a fucking moron." 'Right. So he knows. That's just fucking great' thinks Jack.
"Why is Zack crying?"
"I dunno Jack, in the two years you guys have been together, have you ever thought that maybe Zack might have some feelings for you?" No, he honestly hadn't. They discussed it, and they were both fine with sleeping with other people. Weren't they?
"Zack isn't gay." Then why did Jack just realize that Zack never slept with women? Ever.
"Actually he is. And you're so obsessed with that label, you don't have to be gay or straight or whatever Jack. It's about how you feel, not how people see you."
"So what? Zack told you he wants to be with me? He didn't think to tell me this himself?"
"Well I guess with you fucking a new girl every night, he didn't think you would be very receptive to this information."
"Well I'm fucking not. Where is he?" Jack needs to settle this once and for all.
"Outside the bus. Crying on the curb."
"Fuck off Alex" Jack says as he turns to leave the bar, not immediately remembering where they parked the tour bus, but finding it after a quick scan of the parking lot.
Jack walks up to Zack, who's just finished throwing up what feels like a week's worth of food and booze in the bushes beside the bus.
"Zack?" Jack asks softly.
"Hey" Zack mumbles.
"I just had a very interesting conversation with Alex."
Zack doesn't even respond, he just nods his head slightly.
"What the fuck Zack? You didn't think that this was something you should have come to me with?" Jack's angry. No, he's beyond angry. He's fucking fuming. His best friend, the guy he has occasional mind blowing sex with, has feelings for him, and decided to broadcast it to the world instead of just being a man and telling him.
"What's the point? It doesn't matter anyways."
"Obviously it matters, Zack. You're in love with me, that's a big deal."
"I never said I was in love with you." Okay, Zack's yelling right now, and honestly, Jack doesn't see how he has anything to be mad about. Seriously.
"So you're not in love with me?"
Zack shakes his head, turning to walk towards the bus, but Jack stops him, forcing their lips together in a hard, bruising kiss. Zack's mouth parts quickly, granting Jack entrance, and his hands are on Jack's waist, and their crotches are rubbing together in that oh so familiar way, and just as quickly as the kiss started, it ends. Zack is left panting, staring into Jack's eyes.
"Are you in love with me?" He asks again.
"Fuck, Jack. Yes. I'm in love with you okay? I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was happening until it was too late and, fuck. I know you don't feel the same way, I'm not stupid. I just don't want to lose my best friend." He looks like he's about to cry, and Jack knows he should hug him, or something, tell him that it's okay, he does feel the same way, and now they can be together. But he can't.
"We can't... we can't have sex anymore Zack. We can't... I'm not... I'm sorry, but I don't think it's good for us anymore." Jack can barely get the words out.
"Fine."
"Fine?"
"What do you want me to do Jack? You want me to fight for this? Fight for us? Well there is no us. There never was an us, so if you say this thing between us is over, then fine. That's fine with me."
"So we just go back to being friends then?"
"No Jack, we never were just friends. We don't go back to anything."
"What does that mean?" Jack honestly can't believe they're even having this conversation. Just twenty minutes ago he was thinking about fucking Zack senseless, and now? He's losing his best friend.
"That means I'm gonna stay on Sean's bus for the rest of the tour."
"I don't understand why you're being so gay about this." Shit, Jack shouldn't have used that word.
"I AM GAY!" Zack screams, and honestly, Jack can almost see the veins in his face he's so angry.
"I didn't mean it like that..." But Jack doesn't have time to finish his sentence because Zack is walking up the tour bus steps and slamming the door in his face.
But honestly, Jack isn't the kind of guy who lets doors get slammed in his face, so he walks up the stairs opening up the door and charging towards Zack's bunk.
"I'm sorry Zack, I didn't mean..."
"Whatever man, it's fine. Honestly, I think that some space is what we really need right now." Zack is packing. Why is Zack packing!?
"Zack, you're my best friend. We can get through this. You can't just leave me."
"Don't be so dramatic. I just need some time to figure things out okay? I can't just pretend like everything is normal when it was never normal to begin with."
"But we'll still hang out together right? We're still going to go for midnight ice creams, and watch Home Alone and... and..." Jack doesn't continue because he can tell from the look on Zack's face that no, they won't.
"Jack, try to look at it from my point of view. You're the first person I've been in love with. The first and only person I've ever slept with. I need to figure out how to turn all these feelings off. Just try to understand." Zack exhales, shoving a pair of jeans that don't even look like his into his bag.
"Why did you have to mess everything up?" Jack watches Zack stuff clothes into his bag at lightning speed; like he thought the bus was about to blow up.
"I'm sorry." Zack shoves his last shirt into his dufflebag and walks off the bus, leaving Jack speechless.
Jack collapses onto his bed, not sure if he needs to cry or punch someone.
"Jack?" Alex calls out from the front of the bus. "Why did I just see Zack taking a huge ass bag of shit into the Yellowcard bus?"
"Because he left me." The minute he says it out loud, he's almost certain he is going to cry. It finally becomes real. It's like that old cliche about not knowing what you have until it's gone.
"What did you do?" Alex asks softly.
"I told him I didn't feel the same way and he said he needed space or whatever to get over me." Jack's eyes start to tear up even more.
"You don't feel the same way?"
"No Alex, I don't."
"You have no feelings for Zack at all?" Alex asks.
"Not like that, no."
"Then why the fuck are you crying Jack?"
"I don't know Alex! I don't know anything anymore." Jack really starts crying now, and luckily (even though he doesn't deserve it) Alex is there to hold him while he sobs.
A/N: Gosh, I suck at writing angst. Poor Zack. And poor Jack, he's so confused. Okay so there's three chapters left. I will not leave you hanging! Comments are the nicest thing in the world, but I know 97% of you read silently :(
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Author: daydream4way
Pairing: Merrikat
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 1,425
Summary: Jack and Zack have been fucking since before All Time Low was even a band, but they’re not exclusive, and no one else knows, and they’re both okay with that, because they each think that’s what the other wants. This story will be primarily told through flashbacks for the first few chapters, and it will probably not be completely historically accurate.
Alex storms into the bar, locking eyes on Jack immediately. He's dancing with someone, not the same person he was when Alex left, and yeah, that would be completely fine if Alex didn't know how much pain this was causing Zack. He walks over to Jack and grabs his arm, "Bro, I need to talk to you for a second."
"Ow Alex, that's my arm. What the hell, way to cock block."
"Jack, I need to talk to you."
"Okay. Talk."
"About Zack." Where was Zack? Jack hadn't seen him all night. If he wasn't gonna get off with this girl tonight, then maybe he and Zack could spend some time together, it had been like a week.
"Okay" he says hesitantly.
"About you and Zack" says Alex.
"What about me and Zack?"
"I know Jack." And it's something about the way Alex says this that has Jack tripping fucking balls right about now.
"You know what?"
"I know you two have a thing or whatever. I know you're having sex." That statement is like a punch in the face. No one is supposed to know about him and Zack. They've been so fucking careful not to get caught. There's no way Alex knows, he's just fucking around. Right? RIGHT?!
"That's ridiculous. I'm not gay Alex."
"I saw you guys in the hot tub in Hawaii."
"I don't know what you think you saw..."
"I saw you getting your ass fucked by one of my best friends. Who happens to be outside crying right now because you're a fucking moron." 'Right. So he knows. That's just fucking great' thinks Jack.
"Why is Zack crying?"
"I dunno Jack, in the two years you guys have been together, have you ever thought that maybe Zack might have some feelings for you?" No, he honestly hadn't. They discussed it, and they were both fine with sleeping with other people. Weren't they?
"Zack isn't gay." Then why did Jack just realize that Zack never slept with women? Ever.
"Actually he is. And you're so obsessed with that label, you don't have to be gay or straight or whatever Jack. It's about how you feel, not how people see you."
"So what? Zack told you he wants to be with me? He didn't think to tell me this himself?"
"Well I guess with you fucking a new girl every night, he didn't think you would be very receptive to this information."
"Well I'm fucking not. Where is he?" Jack needs to settle this once and for all.
"Outside the bus. Crying on the curb."
"Fuck off Alex" Jack says as he turns to leave the bar, not immediately remembering where they parked the tour bus, but finding it after a quick scan of the parking lot.
Jack walks up to Zack, who's just finished throwing up what feels like a week's worth of food and booze in the bushes beside the bus.
"Zack?" Jack asks softly.
"Hey" Zack mumbles.
"I just had a very interesting conversation with Alex."
Zack doesn't even respond, he just nods his head slightly.
"What the fuck Zack? You didn't think that this was something you should have come to me with?" Jack's angry. No, he's beyond angry. He's fucking fuming. His best friend, the guy he has occasional mind blowing sex with, has feelings for him, and decided to broadcast it to the world instead of just being a man and telling him.
"What's the point? It doesn't matter anyways."
"Obviously it matters, Zack. You're in love with me, that's a big deal."
"I never said I was in love with you." Okay, Zack's yelling right now, and honestly, Jack doesn't see how he has anything to be mad about. Seriously.
"So you're not in love with me?"
Zack shakes his head, turning to walk towards the bus, but Jack stops him, forcing their lips together in a hard, bruising kiss. Zack's mouth parts quickly, granting Jack entrance, and his hands are on Jack's waist, and their crotches are rubbing together in that oh so familiar way, and just as quickly as the kiss started, it ends. Zack is left panting, staring into Jack's eyes.
"Are you in love with me?" He asks again.
"Fuck, Jack. Yes. I'm in love with you okay? I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was happening until it was too late and, fuck. I know you don't feel the same way, I'm not stupid. I just don't want to lose my best friend." He looks like he's about to cry, and Jack knows he should hug him, or something, tell him that it's okay, he does feel the same way, and now they can be together. But he can't.
"We can't... we can't have sex anymore Zack. We can't... I'm not... I'm sorry, but I don't think it's good for us anymore." Jack can barely get the words out.
"Fine."
"Fine?"
"What do you want me to do Jack? You want me to fight for this? Fight for us? Well there is no us. There never was an us, so if you say this thing between us is over, then fine. That's fine with me."
"So we just go back to being friends then?"
"No Jack, we never were just friends. We don't go back to anything."
"What does that mean?" Jack honestly can't believe they're even having this conversation. Just twenty minutes ago he was thinking about fucking Zack senseless, and now? He's losing his best friend.
"That means I'm gonna stay on Sean's bus for the rest of the tour."
"I don't understand why you're being so gay about this." Shit, Jack shouldn't have used that word.
"I AM GAY!" Zack screams, and honestly, Jack can almost see the veins in his face he's so angry.
"I didn't mean it like that..." But Jack doesn't have time to finish his sentence because Zack is walking up the tour bus steps and slamming the door in his face.
But honestly, Jack isn't the kind of guy who lets doors get slammed in his face, so he walks up the stairs opening up the door and charging towards Zack's bunk.
"I'm sorry Zack, I didn't mean..."
"Whatever man, it's fine. Honestly, I think that some space is what we really need right now." Zack is packing. Why is Zack packing!?
"Zack, you're my best friend. We can get through this. You can't just leave me."
"Don't be so dramatic. I just need some time to figure things out okay? I can't just pretend like everything is normal when it was never normal to begin with."
"But we'll still hang out together right? We're still going to go for midnight ice creams, and watch Home Alone and... and..." Jack doesn't continue because he can tell from the look on Zack's face that no, they won't.
"Jack, try to look at it from my point of view. You're the first person I've been in love with. The first and only person I've ever slept with. I need to figure out how to turn all these feelings off. Just try to understand." Zack exhales, shoving a pair of jeans that don't even look like his into his bag.
"Why did you have to mess everything up?" Jack watches Zack stuff clothes into his bag at lightning speed; like he thought the bus was about to blow up.
"I'm sorry." Zack shoves his last shirt into his dufflebag and walks off the bus, leaving Jack speechless.
Jack collapses onto his bed, not sure if he needs to cry or punch someone.
"Jack?" Alex calls out from the front of the bus. "Why did I just see Zack taking a huge ass bag of shit into the Yellowcard bus?"
"Because he left me." The minute he says it out loud, he's almost certain he is going to cry. It finally becomes real. It's like that old cliche about not knowing what you have until it's gone.
"What did you do?" Alex asks softly.
"I told him I didn't feel the same way and he said he needed space or whatever to get over me." Jack's eyes start to tear up even more.
"You don't feel the same way?"
"No Alex, I don't."
"You have no feelings for Zack at all?" Alex asks.
"Not like that, no."
"Then why the fuck are you crying Jack?"
"I don't know Alex! I don't know anything anymore." Jack really starts crying now, and luckily (even though he doesn't deserve it) Alex is there to hold him while he sobs.
A/N: Gosh, I suck at writing angst. Poor Zack. And poor Jack, he's so confused. Okay so there's three chapters left. I will not leave you hanging! Comments are the nicest thing in the world, but I know 97% of you read silently :(
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