Damned if I Do Ya (7/11)
Title: Damned If I Do Ya (7/?)
Author: daydream4way
Pairing: Merrikat
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 951
Summary: Jack and Zack have been fucking since before All Time Low was even a band, but they’re not exclusive, and no one else knows, and they’re both okay with that, because they each think that’s what the other wants. This story will be primarily told through flashbacks for the first few chapters, and it will probably not be completely historically accurate.
"I've been thinking." Jack says suddenly one night after exchanging blow jobs in a crappy motel outside of Chicago.
"Mmm?" So had Zack actually. For the last few weeks Zack had been thinking maybe he and Jack should try being a couple, see what feelings they might have, try to figure out... Well try to figure it all out.
"Maybe we shouldn't be exclusive anymore." That sentence hits Zack in the gut like a ton of bricks.
"You want to sleep with other guys?"
"No Zack, I'm not gay. I want to sleep with that girl who threw herself at me tonight, or any night for that matter. And the guys, well they're starting to wonder about us."
"So?" Zack's trying not to be angry about this, trying not to let it show that he might have feelings for Jack, considering it was now obvious that Jack didn't reciprocate.
"I think it would be good for us." Zack needed it like a hole in the head.
"You actually want to sleep with those girls?"
"I just think... Why should we miss out on all the fun? We're not together, and I don't want to sleep with other guys..." Jack trails off, looking at Zack for something, anything that might tell Jack how he feels.
"Okay." Zack responds, not sure what he thinks about this situation. Ten minutes ago he was ready to tell Jack he wanted to try actually being with him, and see if they could figure out their sexualities together, and now? Well obviously that's out of the question.
"You sure man?" Of course he was.
"Yeah, you said it yourself. It’s not like we're together or anything."
That conversation took place nearly a year ago, and honestly, it still sucks. Zack has watched girl after girl leave Jack's bunk, and Jack has even had the nerve to come to Zack after sleeping with them on more than one occasion, and at this point, it's making Zack sick.
Lets be honest, Zack pretty much knows he’s gay. He’s never looked at a girl the way he looks at Jack, or even other guys, and he’s okay with that. What he’s not okay with is lying to all his friends to protect whatever it is he and Jack have together, because he’s pretty sure the minute he tells everyone he’s gay, Jack won’t come within five feet of him, because as Jack has told him a million times, he’s not gay.
Zack throws back his third shot of tequila with a grimace, watching as another peroxide blonde bimbo rubs herself all over Zack’s Jack. Honestly, could that girl wear any less clothing? Zack turns to leave and runs straight into Alex. “Hey Zackie, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I’m just going back to the bus.” If he can remember where it is.
“I’ll walk with you.” No, Zack really doesn’t want anyone’s company right now, but he’s also too drunk to argue. “And maybe I’ll convince you to tell me what’s wrong.”
“Unlikely.”
“So there is something wrong?” Alex grins, “Is it Jack?” Zack stops dead in his tracks.
“Wh-what about Jack?”
“I don’t know. I know you guys are close, so I took a guess.”
“No, it has absolutely nothing to do with Jack.”
“Okay.”
Maybe it’s because Alex doesn’t push him any further, and maybe it’s because of the alcohol in his system, or maybe he just doesn’t want to lie anymore, but Zack finds himself speaking before he has time to even think about what he’s saying. “I’m gay.” He pauses, “I mean, I like men. Sexually”
Alex laughs. “Yeah, that’s usually what being gay means.”
“You’re not mad or like disgusted or whatever?”
“Nah bro, I kinda thought you might be gay when I saw you and Jack making out on Rian’s front lawn two years ago. And when I heard you giving Jack a blow job in the bus six months after that I was pretty sure you were gay. But I knew you were gay when I saw you and Jack having sex four months ago in the hot tub in Hawaii. So yeah, I’m mad that it took you this long to tell me, but it would never change the way I feel about you.”
“I uh… wow okay. Well Jack’s not gay, so don’t tell him I told you. No one else knows right?”
“Uh…” Alex averts eye contact with Zack.
“Alex! Who else knows?”
“Umm just Rian and Matt. Oh and Danny. And I’m pretty sure Vinny and Evan suspect something too. Oh and Lisa.”
“Alex! That’s like twenty people. Fuck.”
“Honestly Zack, no one cares. You guys can just be together. Jack doesn’t have to pretend to hook up with girls anymore. We all know.”
“He’s not pretending Alex.” Zack sits on the curb, burying his head in his hands.
“What do you mean?” Alex sits next to him, putting an arm around Zack.
“He… he’s not g-gay” Zack unsuccessfully tries to stifle a sob, “we’re not a couple Alex. We never were. We’re just f-fucking.”
“And you want more?”
“I love him Alex. I’m in love with my straight best friend.”
“Uh Zack, if he takes dick up the ass, he’s not straight. He’s confused as hell, but straight men don’t have sex with their male best friends. They just don’t.”
“I dunno Alex. All I know is he doesn’t want to be with me, and it hurts okay?”
“Well not for long.” Alex declares as he rises from the bench, storming towards the bar. All Zack can think is ‘holy fuck what did I just DO?’ He gets up to follow Alex, and ends up vomiting in the bushes instead.
A/N: I'm going to be honest with you guys, I'm not exactly feeling this story anymore. But I promised myself I'd never leave a story unfinished, so I'm hoping this chapter didn't suck ass. Feedback is desperately needed!
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