(no subject)
I want my life back. Everytime I open up LiveJournal to write something, it's always something depressing it seems. But, this needs to be chronicled. I just wish I had something better to write about.
My Dad and Mother have been for the past few weeks, been traveling to Boston and are only back on the weekends. I've been staying home managing the farm in their absence. So while I am in contact with my folks, the specific details are lost to me.
When they came back today, my Mom was furious. Something happened involving my Dad's work and a pharmacy that gave them recently exclusive rights to our business. So now we have to pay double for prescription medicine. In the event that you do need medicine, it has to be informed in advance and mailed out, as opposed to picking it up at the pharmacy, which adds a significant waiting period. So if you need it more immediately you'll have to pay extra on top of the 200% increase.
We cannot afford an increase like that, we cannot afford right now to pay for a new grain shipment for the animals.
The condition is miserable, but what happened in consequence is just peachy. My Mom is a very strong and stable woman. I admire her greatly for it. However, when she reaches her limits she breaks down dramatically.
When my Dad made an off comment about how he was having a miserable day, my Mom grilled him about it, and demanded to know how it could be worse then what she has to deal with right now: that being my Father in a helpless state, the finances, her book, the arena getting repaired, It's a ton on her plate. Make no mistake on that. But she didn't need to turn it into a suffering war. My dad is not emotionally strong. She could not see that she was hurting my dad emotionally by arguing with him over that fact. It was tantamount to kicking a puppy. With the kick being an over zealous shooing motion, and the puppy being a cancer patient.
I tried to mediate, but when my Mom gets into one of those phases, only one of two things will stop her.
A) A solution to the problem
B) Lots of time to cool off.
Considering it's impossible for me to create a solution I tried to do what I could to get her to think rationally. It did not work. What happened next just stunned me.
She swore. Twice.
Not at me, mind you, but at the pharmacy company that was involved in this money grabbing scheme. This was extremely startling for me because, I do not swear, and have NEVER heard my mother swear before. I've come to more or less accept it from third parties and take it in stride. But never from a parent.
What hurts me now, is that I'm at work. My dad is alone with my mom. I cannot defend him from here. His emotional state is very fragile. He takes general frustration as a personal attack. She does not intend to hurt my dad at all. Her anger is not directed at him. But she gets.... not violent. That's totally the wrong word, there is nothing remotely physical involved. .... Mmm... animated. yes, animated. He cannot handle that. My mom was raised to be as tough as nails. My dad was the baby of his family. They love each other. Make no mistake on that. But that particular dynamic of their personalities makes it difficult during times when my Mom is hurting.
I feel so... useless. I'm not earning enough money. I'm not directly involved in any of the parties which are causing us difficulties. I can't get my mom to gain self control. I can't get my dad to eat properly when he's gone most of the week.
But worse then feeling useless is being useless. I'm going to keep going. I'll earn what I can. I'll be more proactive in splitting wood. I'll get my Dad to eat while he's home. I'll try to get my mom preoccupied with other matters.
I.
Will.
Not.
Give.
Up.
I could not live with myself if I ever gave it less then my all. I may indeed be wildly insufficient. But that will not discourage me from doing what I can.
In slightly less depressing news, a month or two ago, one of my co workers got a horrible note telling her to loose weight, and using a bible verse to condemn her condition.
The victim in question has a medical problem. She cannot help her shape. And that verse in this context was a disgraceful use of the word of God.
When the rest of the staff learned about it, myself and a coworker I trusted both watched for suspicious activities, and then compared notes.
There was no hard evidence. Only circumstantial. However, while what we uncovered would not hold up in a court of law under any serious scrutiny, what we did find fit a particular employee's modus operandi to a T. And then I witnessed a conversation that I hope I miss heard, basically endorsing what was written in the letter.
So we had two suspects. With nothing new to be learned, and an opportunity where the victim, myself, and the coworker I was collaborating with were able to relay our notes.
She listened to my report, and her eyes were watering up. She did however tell me that prior to what I said, she had a suspect. And that suspect ended up being the first person I mentioned.
I want the person who did this to her fired. But, I must admit that our case is built on a house of cards. And while there was something very obvious in the message that implicated this person we suspect; it's so obvious that it would be easy to forage. Thus you cannot rule out that an employee did this to her, while possibly implicating another as a safety net.
In the interests of disclosure, the note had an excess of "!!!!!!!!!!" There is but one person on staff I'm aware of who litters his/her messages with !'s, and coincidentally is not on good terms at all with our victim, and is a bit spiteful/whimsical to boot. Again, not something that would hold up in court, but something with grounds for #1 suspicion.
My Dad and Mother have been for the past few weeks, been traveling to Boston and are only back on the weekends. I've been staying home managing the farm in their absence. So while I am in contact with my folks, the specific details are lost to me.
When they came back today, my Mom was furious. Something happened involving my Dad's work and a pharmacy that gave them recently exclusive rights to our business. So now we have to pay double for prescription medicine. In the event that you do need medicine, it has to be informed in advance and mailed out, as opposed to picking it up at the pharmacy, which adds a significant waiting period. So if you need it more immediately you'll have to pay extra on top of the 200% increase.
We cannot afford an increase like that, we cannot afford right now to pay for a new grain shipment for the animals.
The condition is miserable, but what happened in consequence is just peachy. My Mom is a very strong and stable woman. I admire her greatly for it. However, when she reaches her limits she breaks down dramatically.
When my Dad made an off comment about how he was having a miserable day, my Mom grilled him about it, and demanded to know how it could be worse then what she has to deal with right now: that being my Father in a helpless state, the finances, her book, the arena getting repaired, It's a ton on her plate. Make no mistake on that. But she didn't need to turn it into a suffering war. My dad is not emotionally strong. She could not see that she was hurting my dad emotionally by arguing with him over that fact. It was tantamount to kicking a puppy. With the kick being an over zealous shooing motion, and the puppy being a cancer patient.
I tried to mediate, but when my Mom gets into one of those phases, only one of two things will stop her.
A) A solution to the problem
B) Lots of time to cool off.
Considering it's impossible for me to create a solution I tried to do what I could to get her to think rationally. It did not work. What happened next just stunned me.
She swore. Twice.
Not at me, mind you, but at the pharmacy company that was involved in this money grabbing scheme. This was extremely startling for me because, I do not swear, and have NEVER heard my mother swear before. I've come to more or less accept it from third parties and take it in stride. But never from a parent.
What hurts me now, is that I'm at work. My dad is alone with my mom. I cannot defend him from here. His emotional state is very fragile. He takes general frustration as a personal attack. She does not intend to hurt my dad at all. Her anger is not directed at him. But she gets.... not violent. That's totally the wrong word, there is nothing remotely physical involved. .... Mmm... animated. yes, animated. He cannot handle that. My mom was raised to be as tough as nails. My dad was the baby of his family. They love each other. Make no mistake on that. But that particular dynamic of their personalities makes it difficult during times when my Mom is hurting.
I feel so... useless. I'm not earning enough money. I'm not directly involved in any of the parties which are causing us difficulties. I can't get my mom to gain self control. I can't get my dad to eat properly when he's gone most of the week.
But worse then feeling useless is being useless. I'm going to keep going. I'll earn what I can. I'll be more proactive in splitting wood. I'll get my Dad to eat while he's home. I'll try to get my mom preoccupied with other matters.
I.
Will.
Not.
Give.
Up.
I could not live with myself if I ever gave it less then my all. I may indeed be wildly insufficient. But that will not discourage me from doing what I can.
In slightly less depressing news, a month or two ago, one of my co workers got a horrible note telling her to loose weight, and using a bible verse to condemn her condition.
The victim in question has a medical problem. She cannot help her shape. And that verse in this context was a disgraceful use of the word of God.
When the rest of the staff learned about it, myself and a coworker I trusted both watched for suspicious activities, and then compared notes.
There was no hard evidence. Only circumstantial. However, while what we uncovered would not hold up in a court of law under any serious scrutiny, what we did find fit a particular employee's modus operandi to a T. And then I witnessed a conversation that I hope I miss heard, basically endorsing what was written in the letter.
So we had two suspects. With nothing new to be learned, and an opportunity where the victim, myself, and the coworker I was collaborating with were able to relay our notes.
She listened to my report, and her eyes were watering up. She did however tell me that prior to what I said, she had a suspect. And that suspect ended up being the first person I mentioned.
I want the person who did this to her fired. But, I must admit that our case is built on a house of cards. And while there was something very obvious in the message that implicated this person we suspect; it's so obvious that it would be easy to forage. Thus you cannot rule out that an employee did this to her, while possibly implicating another as a safety net.
In the interests of disclosure, the note had an excess of "!!!!!!!!!!" There is but one person on staff I'm aware of who litters his/her messages with !'s, and coincidentally is not on good terms at all with our victim, and is a bit spiteful/whimsical to boot. Again, not something that would hold up in court, but something with grounds for #1 suspicion.