Another Man's Cage--Chapter Five

[dawn_felagund]

My apologies for the delay in posting Chapter Five. As some already know (because I have been whining about it all week), my work-Internet was down for most of the week, and so the work that I could accomplish was limited to that which could be done during my few hours of "free time" each night

Comments

[kaikias]

I can definitely see "Iluvatar in Ea" as a good swear: something bizarre/unlikely and potentially annoying or deadly as a comparison to whatever is pissing the person off, sort of a "you've gone and done WHAT?"

[dawn_felagund]

Thanks for the input! I will have to add a tick mark in the "Pro Iluvatar in Ea" column!

[dawn_felagund]

Wow! I come in this morning, only twelve hours or so after posting the chapter, and you have already given me your comments! Thank you! ::hugs::

I don't want you to think that I am ignoring your advice from earlier chapters. I am not. Many of the things that you have pointed out from this chapter that you have mentioned before, I have mind to change, but I prefer to do all of my revisions at once, and I have decided to wait until the story is finished to start, since other voices keep chiming in with ideas and suggestions. And since I keep multiple copies of each chapter in different places, a single change means making changes in many places, which I dislike doing. Call me lazy.... :) I did take your suggestion for Eruhantale straight away only because there were only two mentions and it was easy to fix while correcting the tense problems I had in this chapter. (And I really, really like this word! Thank you again

[dawn_felagund]

However, exactly because it was in the aftermath it felt really a bit construed and melodramatic.

I do tend to be melodramatic. It is one of my shortcomings as a writer, I think, but I have gotten much better from my early work, believe it or not. (Which I still have to unearth and send you...rats! ;P) Thanks for the idea! I will add it to the stew of thoughts going around in my head about this story....

I do not find you to be "stupid/egocentric and/or patronizing" at all! Your beta style reminds me a lot of my own. I never sought a beta because I got so tired of hearing, "It's really good! I really like it!" I mean, I never get tired of *hearing* that, but when I ask for help or suggestions, a bottomless cup of compliments doesn't do much :)

I am happy if you get anything out of my comments, just tell me when to stop.

Umm...is "never" an okay answer? To stop, I mean! :D

"I really enjoy your style and your story."

Ohh.... ::blushes:: Thank you!

[fanged_geranium]

Your Caranthir is one seriously scary child, but he's adorable all the same. Is he refering to the language of the Valar or one of the elvish languages as foreign?

I like the idea of Feanor and family going off to Formenos every summer, and also that Nerdanel threatens not to go if Feanor doesn't do what she wants. It's a nice piece of foreshadowing.

Do you have a particular reason for using the sindarin words for mother and father? I've wondered why so many fic writers do, but never got round to asking before.

[dawn_felagund]

I use the Sindarin words for "mother" and "father" because I am Elvishly-challenged and haven't got around to changing them to the correct titles yet! Each section of my story is a different document, and I am daunted by the idea of that much "Search" and "Replace"...okay, really I am lazy. But I will do it. Promise. Maybe before the next posting :)

I think Caranthir is kind of scary too. Since not much is known about his character, I had to engage in a lot of invention, and I figured that his gift with "osanwe" would explain a lot of his later behavior. It has been quite the challenge to write, though.

Don't worry, Nelyo talks in the next section! And he is definitely *not* scary :P

[dawn_felagund]

Yay! Thank you!

It seems everyone knows this but me :( I must look into the links for those courses that you sent me....

I see a lot of "Search" and "Replace" in my future!

[fanged_geranium]

Oops, what I meant to ask was something to the effect of 'are you using the elvish words for mother and father outside of conversation for a particualar purpose?' I didn't notice until I read your reply that I should have said Quenya rather than Sindarin - I guess I just typed 'Sindarin' automatically.

I think the differences between Noldorin and Telerin are mostly a matter of vowels, like with Galariel being Altariel in Noldorin and Alatariel in Telerin. In my experience (I live in Devon, England, where there is an absolutely wonderful dialect), dialects involve using most of the same words, but differently, with a few archaic regional words. The difference between a language and a dialect also depends on the attitude of the speakers. My guess would be Vanyarin and Noldorin as dialects and Telerin as a separate language.

I'm glad to hear your Maedhros isn't going to be scary. He isn't from Celegorm's or Caranthir's PoV, but then Caranthir wasn't until his PoV piece!

[dawn_felagund]

Oops, what I meant to ask was something to the effect of 'are you using the elvish words for mother and father outside of conversation for a particualar purpose?'

I was asked this by someone else too. I did this because I figured that--from that character's strict PoV--they would refer to their parents in writing in the same manner as they addressed them. Kind of like, if I were writing a story about my father, in a familiar tone, I might write, "Dad and I have a lot in common, most notably our Polish stubborness."

But I am not a fan of random Elvish words dropped into stories, so this idea has been addling me lately....

I live in Devon, England, where there is an absolutely wonderful dialect....

I live in Baltimore, Maryland, USA, and there is a dialect here too and--although I wouldn't call it wonderful--it is unique! ;)

My guess would be Vanyarin and Noldorin as dialects and Telerin as a separate language. This was always my thought too. Did I see this somewhere? I think I did, although I can't remember where.... ::sigh:: I

[fanged_geranium]

Telerin gets a mention in 'The Shibboleth of Feanor' and in the etymologies in 'The Lost Road'.

I also looked up the bit in 'Morgoth's Ring' about Feanor being the first elf born, and it's not so bad because it was a crossed out note with Feanor as Indis's son, but in one way it's worse since it refers to 1115 YT so that would mean no elves born at all (except Avari, perhaps) for the first 600 or so (sun) years of their existence.

[dawn_felagund]

Telerin gets a mention in 'The Shibboleth of Feanor' and in the etymologies in 'The Lost Road'.

Oh, thank you! And I have both--W00T! You're totally spoiling me!

I also looked up the bit in 'Morgoth's Ring' about Feanor being the first elf born, and it's not so bad because it was a crossed out note with Feanor as Indis's son....

::head spins, head implodes:: Indis' son! GAH!

[arandil13]

I have come to read. (I don't know how I missed this!)

those features that belonged to Ada but not grandfather Finwë: his slender grace, his quick hands, his bright eyes.

:-D *VBG*

"You will be taller than Fëanaro by the time you finish growing."

*snicker* Talking about their heights again, are we?

In truth, Nelyo is only an inch or two shorter than Ada already

Oh, I have to put my beverage down!

He does not like to waste the gifts Arda has given us, he says.

That seems a little off. I would say the gifts the Valar had given us, but Feanor doesn't like them. Or maybe Illuvatar. Or maybe that he doesn't like to be wasteful when the animal in question gave up its life so they could eat. I remember reading something like that somewhere, that Elves after hunting would say a "prayer" of thanks to the spirit of the animal that gave up its life. These were wood elves, but Noldo might be the same.

"You'll sit here until you eat it," he threatens.Sounds very much like threats I used to get at a child, and I can see Feanor being stern