Another Man's Cage--Chapter Five
My apologies for the delay in posting Chapter Five. As some already know (because I have been whining about it all week), my work-Internet was down for most of the week, and so the work that I could accomplish was limited to that which could be done during my few hours of "free time" each night
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I don't want you to think that I am ignoring your advice from earlier chapters. I am not. Many of the things that you have pointed out from this chapter that you have mentioned before, I have mind to change, but I prefer to do all of my revisions at once, and I have decided to wait until the story is finished to start, since other voices keep chiming in with ideas and suggestions. And since I keep multiple copies of each chapter in different places, a single change means making changes in many places, which I dislike doing. Call me lazy.... :) I did take your suggestion for Eruhantale straight away only because there were only two mentions and it was easy to fix while correcting the tense problems I had in this chapter. (And I really, really like this word! Thank you again!)
I was not aware that adult Elves are said to sleep with their eyes open. ::shudders:: I find this a bit creepy, to be honest! I suppose this is my due for not being very good with LotR canon compared to Sil. Do you know offhand where this is in the book? I am curious to find it.
I am glad that my hot Elf-lovin' works for you ;) It is my first time ever showing a story with sex in it, to be honest, yet I wasn't as nervous as I thought I'd be. I am devoting far more energy to worrying over later chapters when my imagination started inventing things that cannot be accounted for in the canon!
Did it seem to you that the "I love you more..." lines were occuring during the love scene? Because Carnistir doesn't walk in on the action (even *I* could not write that!) but rather as they are falling asleep. I try to portray Nerdanel and Feanor as having a very strong mind-connection--even though neither is particularly attuned to the thoughts of others--and this is where the dialogue in question takes place. I can see how it would be construed as melodramatic, perhaps, but I try not to give in to the temptation to have my characters invoke Eru and the Valar during sex.
I'd rather have them pray to each other. Hehe.
Okay, I'm getting pervy and so am going to sign off this comment...thank you again for all of the help you have given me on this story! It has been a blessing I had no hope of receiving when I offered this tale to the world :)
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I do tend to be melodramatic. It is one of my shortcomings as a writer, I think, but I have gotten much better from my early work, believe it or not. (Which I still have to unearth and send you...rats! ;P) Thanks for the idea! I will add it to the stew of thoughts going around in my head about this story....
I do not find you to be "stupid/egocentric and/or patronizing" at all! Your beta style reminds me a lot of my own. I never sought a beta because I got so tired of hearing, "It's really good! I really like it!" I mean, I never get tired of *hearing* that, but when I ask for help or suggestions, a bottomless cup of compliments doesn't do much :)
I am happy if you get anything out of my comments, just tell me when to stop.
Umm...is "never" an okay answer? To stop, I mean! :D
"I really enjoy your style and your story."
Ohh.... ::blushes:: Thank you!
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