Another lazy entry
So, I've been guilt tripped by the usual suspects about not updating the DavelogRedux. I want to update, but I'm just so goddamned lazy. So, I'll do what I always do in these difficult times: Repost an old Davelog entry. This entry comes to us from over two years ago: The halcyon day that was March 2, 2003.
March 2, 2003
The Vagina Monologues was held on campus this weekend. Everyone's been asking me if I went.
Because, apparently, you're a supporter of abusing women if you didn't go. I went last year,
I don't find the show particularly amusing or entertaining. To me, there's just something
slightly immature about it. Kind of like the 12 year old girl that discovers, much to her glee,
that she can say the word "FUCK" out loud just like the boys can! Tee-hee! But, still, I've
been guilt tripped about not going...but I've found a way around it. When asked if I went, I
reply the following (and feel free to use this): "Oh yes. Wasn't that under the burqa
monologue HAUNTING?" The person will usually nod grimly, secure that you 1) went to the show
and 2) are one that does not batter women. And voila! You're in the clear!
Speaking of being guilt-tripped for no reason, I really dislike that Eric Clapton song
"Tears in Heaven." I just don't like the song. So, whenever it comes on the radio I always say,
"God...I hate this song." Then, whoever I'm with gives me this filthy look of disgust and says,
"You know, that songs about his little boy falling out of a window!" And then they look at me
like I'm supposed to feel bad for disliking the song. Well, you know that!? When I have kids,
MY kids are never going to fall out of windows. You know what it's called when you don't let
your kids fall out of windows?! PARENTING. That's what I like to call that.
I went to the "Free Tibet" party this weekend. Overall, it was quite dissapointing. However,
I must share one annecdote with you. If you can't laugh at yourself once in a while, life can
be pretty long and miserable. So, let's all laugh at me now. Myself and 3 buddies are chatting
with a few girls in a group at this party. I'm standing arm in arm with my friend, also named
Dave. We're introduced to the girls as "Dave and Dave...so, it'll be easy to remember!" Now,
I think that I'm a pretty funny guy...the davelog stands as a testament to my humor. However,
sometimes the humor center in one's brain shuts down for brief moments...and you had best pray
to the good lord that it doesn't happen at a crucial time. For me, this was one of those
crucial times. After they say, "Dave and Dave" I say, "Wow! I wonder which one's the schlamiel
and which one's the schlamazzle!?" Silence. The kind of dead silence that lasts for only 2
seconds, but might as well be an enternity. Frankly, I don't feel it was that bad a comment.
I just think that it was silly of me to expect anybody but the most cherished of my friends to
catch the "Laverne and Shirley" reference. And even if they did, they probably don't get what
a schlamiel and schlamazzle are. (For the record, it's like saying that the two have to go
together. Like, the schlamiel is the one that spills the soup, and the schlamazzle is the one
that the soup gets spilled on. It's a yiddish translation, so we're allowed to end our
sentences in prepositions.) The night was ruined for me after that. I became a lepper. No one
would talk to me. I was "the wierd guy" and it was all over. The night after that just got
exponentially worse...
There are times when the amount of useless shit that I retain in my brain astounds me. I was
watching TV with my housemate, Steve, the other night. He turns to me and says, "You know, I
wish that 'Eddie' from Family Matters was in more stuff!" Now, this may sound weird to all of
you, but rest assured, this is quite a normal comment from Steve. But then, something happened.
From the inner ressesses of my mind I hear a voice and then it zips to my mouth and I actually
HEAR myself say, "Yes! He was played by a guy named Darius McCrary!" How the FUCK did I know
that?! WHY the fuck did I know that?! What important piece of information am I not retaining
because the name of the actor that played Eddie on Family Matters is stuck in my brain? I'll
be on Jeopardy one day:
Alex Trebek: There are this many states in the United States
David: Darius McCrary!
Alex Trebek: That's not even a number.
David: Darius McCrary!
Ok, kids. This will be the last daevlog update for another 2 weeks. I leave for Madrid this
wednesday and won't be back until March 13. Sorry about that. However, I promise a wonderful
davelog upon my return filled with my Iberian adventures. I turn 21 while I'm there, and I'm
sure there will be something amusing there...if I survive. If you're at the Johnny Hop, have
a great spring break. If you're not, then have a good arbor day whenever it rolls around.
March 2, 2003
The Vagina Monologues was held on campus this weekend. Everyone's been asking me if I went.
Because, apparently, you're a supporter of abusing women if you didn't go. I went last year,
I don't find the show particularly amusing or entertaining. To me, there's just something
slightly immature about it. Kind of like the 12 year old girl that discovers, much to her glee,
that she can say the word "FUCK" out loud just like the boys can! Tee-hee! But, still, I've
been guilt tripped about not going...but I've found a way around it. When asked if I went, I
reply the following (and feel free to use this): "Oh yes. Wasn't that under the burqa
monologue HAUNTING?" The person will usually nod grimly, secure that you 1) went to the show
and 2) are one that does not batter women. And voila! You're in the clear!
Speaking of being guilt-tripped for no reason, I really dislike that Eric Clapton song
"Tears in Heaven." I just don't like the song. So, whenever it comes on the radio I always say,
"God...I hate this song." Then, whoever I'm with gives me this filthy look of disgust and says,
"You know, that songs about his little boy falling out of a window!" And then they look at me
like I'm supposed to feel bad for disliking the song. Well, you know that!? When I have kids,
MY kids are never going to fall out of windows. You know what it's called when you don't let
your kids fall out of windows?! PARENTING. That's what I like to call that.
I went to the "Free Tibet" party this weekend. Overall, it was quite dissapointing. However,
I must share one annecdote with you. If you can't laugh at yourself once in a while, life can
be pretty long and miserable. So, let's all laugh at me now. Myself and 3 buddies are chatting
with a few girls in a group at this party. I'm standing arm in arm with my friend, also named
Dave. We're introduced to the girls as "Dave and Dave...so, it'll be easy to remember!" Now,
I think that I'm a pretty funny guy...the davelog stands as a testament to my humor. However,
sometimes the humor center in one's brain shuts down for brief moments...and you had best pray
to the good lord that it doesn't happen at a crucial time. For me, this was one of those
crucial times. After they say, "Dave and Dave" I say, "Wow! I wonder which one's the schlamiel
and which one's the schlamazzle!?" Silence. The kind of dead silence that lasts for only 2
seconds, but might as well be an enternity. Frankly, I don't feel it was that bad a comment.
I just think that it was silly of me to expect anybody but the most cherished of my friends to
catch the "Laverne and Shirley" reference. And even if they did, they probably don't get what
a schlamiel and schlamazzle are. (For the record, it's like saying that the two have to go
together. Like, the schlamiel is the one that spills the soup, and the schlamazzle is the one
that the soup gets spilled on. It's a yiddish translation, so we're allowed to end our
sentences in prepositions.) The night was ruined for me after that. I became a lepper. No one
would talk to me. I was "the wierd guy" and it was all over. The night after that just got
exponentially worse...
There are times when the amount of useless shit that I retain in my brain astounds me. I was
watching TV with my housemate, Steve, the other night. He turns to me and says, "You know, I
wish that 'Eddie' from Family Matters was in more stuff!" Now, this may sound weird to all of
you, but rest assured, this is quite a normal comment from Steve. But then, something happened.
From the inner ressesses of my mind I hear a voice and then it zips to my mouth and I actually
HEAR myself say, "Yes! He was played by a guy named Darius McCrary!" How the FUCK did I know
that?! WHY the fuck did I know that?! What important piece of information am I not retaining
because the name of the actor that played Eddie on Family Matters is stuck in my brain? I'll
be on Jeopardy one day:
Alex Trebek: There are this many states in the United States
David: Darius McCrary!
Alex Trebek: That's not even a number.
David: Darius McCrary!
Ok, kids. This will be the last daevlog update for another 2 weeks. I leave for Madrid this
wednesday and won't be back until March 13. Sorry about that. However, I promise a wonderful
davelog upon my return filled with my Iberian adventures. I turn 21 while I'm there, and I'm
sure there will be something amusing there...if I survive. If you're at the Johnny Hop, have
a great spring break. If you're not, then have a good arbor day whenever it rolls around.