feelings now
Confused, nervous, scared, apprehensive, quizoxic, anxious, wanna throw up, and scream all at once. Want scott to realize we can fix this, things aren't as horrible as he thinks. Want him to not go back to her. Annoyed that I can't get through to him. Just plain twisted up in my stomach!wishing I could change the past, and control one's free will. pissed about ed's myspace page and leaving addison off his profile as far as his kids. angry that he's such an ass!!! SCARED about sierra. asthma isn't fun, it kills ppl. i have seen this!! i had hoped it would skip her... but it didn't! angry that she's gotta live with difficulty breathing and a CRAPPY cough. and always carrying around her inhaler. just glad asthma's all it is! and ed again, boy piss me off! comes to my cc class and tries to help out. won't tell ppl the truth about him and i splitting so ppl still think we're together!!! EWWWW. wish i was living in an apartment just sierra and i. i'm 28 and living at home! my life wasn't suppose to turn out this way!!!! god why did i cheat? do stupid things? leave the only man that ever really LOVED me? because of some STUPID fixable issues i was too impatient to deal with??? god why do i have these AWFUL demons?? it's a struggle to get out of bed anymore! wish i had my state job back! AHHHH. i hate being on unemployment, feel like the gov't is supporting me! can't wait to get a real job, like that full time or finish my CC so i can at least get the money i am worth!!! wish i had a crystal ball to see the future so i know if the decisions i am making are for the good of me, or a hindrance.