OMG! MY BRAIN HURTS!
And oddly enough, no, it's not a migraine.
I haven't had one for a few weeks now.
So I'm doing better, no doubt.
But there's just been a lot on my mind, lately.
My boyfriend, ex-boyfriends, ex-lovers, ex-friends-who-could-have-been-lovers, friends I have now who could be a lover, etc.
It's been playing with my head... A LOT.
I worked out yesterday.
I still need to do some crunches today.
I'll get to them in a minute.
First, I need to finish this.
But yeah, it's been very taxing on my brain, and that, in itself, can be very taxing on the rest of me.
I've still felt very down.
I have been trying to reach out a bit more.
Talk to some old friends, and some of the before mentioned.
It's getting a bit easier.
I'd forgotten a bit about chatting, but I'm learning again.
It's a good way to keep in touch, though everyone keeps talking about My Space.
I don't have this, and really hadn'd given it any though, but everyone keeps saying, "Hey, if you have My Space, we can keep in touch better," etc.
I don't know about all this.
Isn't it just another thing people have already gotten me into that I don't use.
Friendster, Hi5, other BS I can't remember right now.
I don't see the need for any of it.
I get hold of who I can, and if I really feel up to it, I go around on here looking for someone.
I maybe I find them.
Maybe I don't.
It's rarely been a big deal to me.
I've been more concerned with getting phone numbers, too.
There's a couple I don't have cause I clicked off the chats before I got it in my phone and I don't wanna sound silly and ask for them again.
But I have some.
And that's a start.
I never wanted to be this way, though I did wish for a life of seclusion when I was older.
For now, I want to be able to experience a little of life while I still have some to experience.
I need to start doing more things.
Finishing more things.
Crunches.
Ugghhh...
Anyway...
I think you all get me.
I'm in a mental rut, and can't seem to escape.
But I am trying, and so far, I think I'm doing some good.
I have missed a lot of you.
I just haven't done anything about it.
We'll see how that continues to change.
Until next time...
Oh, and actually, no, I'm not thinking about suicide as much.
My thoughts keep shifting from boy to boy.
I get lost in it.
Day dream.
I have to stop myself from getting the occasional blank stare goin' on.
I know when I do it, and then I'm like "FUCK! I'm doing it!"
And then I snap out of it, and get back to scanning.
I think I need a weekend away, and I really think St. Louis is the answer.
I haven't really been there, except for a couple Cardinal games, come to think of it, and a trip to Six Flags, I haven't been back to the city since I moved out.
None of the bars, etc.
So, I dunno... I kinda need to do that...
I want to do that.
I think.
Friday IS payday.
I could get the cash, gas up the tank, haul some ass up 57, and 64, and be in St. Louis in less then 90 minutes.
That is the desired goal.
It's 117 miles away from my house.
I'd stay with a friend of mine, who I used to room with, and then he, I, and someone else would go out, get something to eat or whatever, then go party... or go party, then get something to eat.
Anyway, we'd do that Saturday, or Sunday, since I'm off Monday.
It's a rare 3 day weekend and I need to be get out of town and be around gay people, hehe.
I'll write more when I know more.
Until then...
I haven't had one for a few weeks now.
So I'm doing better, no doubt.
But there's just been a lot on my mind, lately.
My boyfriend, ex-boyfriends, ex-lovers, ex-friends-who-could-have-been-lovers, friends I have now who could be a lover, etc.
It's been playing with my head... A LOT.
I worked out yesterday.
I still need to do some crunches today.
I'll get to them in a minute.
First, I need to finish this.
But yeah, it's been very taxing on my brain, and that, in itself, can be very taxing on the rest of me.
I've still felt very down.
I have been trying to reach out a bit more.
Talk to some old friends, and some of the before mentioned.
It's getting a bit easier.
I'd forgotten a bit about chatting, but I'm learning again.
It's a good way to keep in touch, though everyone keeps talking about My Space.
I don't have this, and really hadn'd given it any though, but everyone keeps saying, "Hey, if you have My Space, we can keep in touch better," etc.
I don't know about all this.
Isn't it just another thing people have already gotten me into that I don't use.
Friendster, Hi5, other BS I can't remember right now.
I don't see the need for any of it.
I get hold of who I can, and if I really feel up to it, I go around on here looking for someone.
I maybe I find them.
Maybe I don't.
It's rarely been a big deal to me.
I've been more concerned with getting phone numbers, too.
There's a couple I don't have cause I clicked off the chats before I got it in my phone and I don't wanna sound silly and ask for them again.
But I have some.
And that's a start.
I never wanted to be this way, though I did wish for a life of seclusion when I was older.
For now, I want to be able to experience a little of life while I still have some to experience.
I need to start doing more things.
Finishing more things.
Crunches.
Ugghhh...
Anyway...
I think you all get me.
I'm in a mental rut, and can't seem to escape.
But I am trying, and so far, I think I'm doing some good.
I have missed a lot of you.
I just haven't done anything about it.
We'll see how that continues to change.
Until next time...
Oh, and actually, no, I'm not thinking about suicide as much.
My thoughts keep shifting from boy to boy.
I get lost in it.
Day dream.
I have to stop myself from getting the occasional blank stare goin' on.
I know when I do it, and then I'm like "FUCK! I'm doing it!"
And then I snap out of it, and get back to scanning.
I think I need a weekend away, and I really think St. Louis is the answer.
I haven't really been there, except for a couple Cardinal games, come to think of it, and a trip to Six Flags, I haven't been back to the city since I moved out.
None of the bars, etc.
So, I dunno... I kinda need to do that...
I want to do that.
I think.
Friday IS payday.
I could get the cash, gas up the tank, haul some ass up 57, and 64, and be in St. Louis in less then 90 minutes.
That is the desired goal.
It's 117 miles away from my house.
I'd stay with a friend of mine, who I used to room with, and then he, I, and someone else would go out, get something to eat or whatever, then go party... or go party, then get something to eat.
Anyway, we'd do that Saturday, or Sunday, since I'm off Monday.
It's a rare 3 day weekend and I need to be get out of town and be around gay people, hehe.
I'll write more when I know more.
Until then...