Absence makes the heart grow fonder?
So I met this really great guy that I really clicked with. Surprisingly, there seems to be a hitch in here somewhere...
He has a job where he's here, for a month, and then heads overseas for a few months, then comes back, which I initially didn't consider too much because I didn't expect this to go anywhere. Now I'm slightly worried of making too much of things in his absence.
We met right before the holidays and got to spend some time together with a group of mutual friends and there was clearly attraction. So we spent some time together without the friends. And then went on an amazing first date right before he had to leave for a few months. Sparks flying and butterflies and a fantastic first kiss, the whole shebang. He's the first person that I've really felt comfortable with in a very long time and am insanely attracted to, both mentally and physically.
No promises were made when he left. I do remember feeling much more disappointed that he was leaving then I expected to. However, I backed off around this point because if someone really wants to pursue something, they will, and I can save my feelings a bit by not being the one to always initiate (which I have had a tendency to do in the past). I know how things usually are and I don't fault anyone for it - there's a good chance he has probably does this type of thing every time he comes home. If I was in his position, I'd probably do something like that myself.
But he's kept in touch, initiating more than I have and communication has been pretty regular (which has been a pleasant surprise). Given the nature of his job and his location, everything has been through email. Most of what we write is probably inconsequential, sharing music, interests, and general chatter.
He recently admitted that I'm on his mind a lot and said that if there's a chance, he'd like to see me when he gets back to the States.
So I've gone from 'dang, that was great, I wish I could have had more time with him but oh well, time to move on!' to wondering what to do. Based on what I know about him so far, he could very easily be someone I could fall for. I like to think I'm pretty good these days at distinguishing between someone I want to get to know better on a potential level versus someone who isn't going to be able to keep me interested romantically (whether they could be a friend or not). And he certainly falls into that potential side of things.
But I'm worried that, in his absence, I'll make more of these things than I should. The admission really threw me for a loop because it wasn't expected and was welcomed a lot more than part of me feels it should be - in other words, I'm scared I'm already starting to fall for him just because he's gone. I can't figure out if I like him this much because there was a genuine connection between us or if just the fact that he's not here makes the difference. I hope that makes sense.
I've been in a relationship before that started off long distance. But we got to see each other at least once a month before I moved to the same city (and then became a long term relationship). I obviously don't get that here if I'm seriously going to consider his seeing me when he gets back as a real option. And I actually do want to consider it a real option, but I guess I'm just a bit gun-shy and worried that this is all in my head. Part of me feels like I should talk to him about it somehow, but I don't know what to say or how to say it or if I should even say anything.
Does anyone have any words of wisdom/experience in LDRs like this?
Any suggestions on how to proceed?
Advice on how to keep a level head here and not make more of it than there actually is?
He has a job where he's here, for a month, and then heads overseas for a few months, then comes back, which I initially didn't consider too much because I didn't expect this to go anywhere. Now I'm slightly worried of making too much of things in his absence.
We met right before the holidays and got to spend some time together with a group of mutual friends and there was clearly attraction. So we spent some time together without the friends. And then went on an amazing first date right before he had to leave for a few months. Sparks flying and butterflies and a fantastic first kiss, the whole shebang. He's the first person that I've really felt comfortable with in a very long time and am insanely attracted to, both mentally and physically.
No promises were made when he left. I do remember feeling much more disappointed that he was leaving then I expected to. However, I backed off around this point because if someone really wants to pursue something, they will, and I can save my feelings a bit by not being the one to always initiate (which I have had a tendency to do in the past). I know how things usually are and I don't fault anyone for it - there's a good chance he has probably does this type of thing every time he comes home. If I was in his position, I'd probably do something like that myself.
But he's kept in touch, initiating more than I have and communication has been pretty regular (which has been a pleasant surprise). Given the nature of his job and his location, everything has been through email. Most of what we write is probably inconsequential, sharing music, interests, and general chatter.
He recently admitted that I'm on his mind a lot and said that if there's a chance, he'd like to see me when he gets back to the States.
So I've gone from 'dang, that was great, I wish I could have had more time with him but oh well, time to move on!' to wondering what to do. Based on what I know about him so far, he could very easily be someone I could fall for. I like to think I'm pretty good these days at distinguishing between someone I want to get to know better on a potential level versus someone who isn't going to be able to keep me interested romantically (whether they could be a friend or not). And he certainly falls into that potential side of things.
But I'm worried that, in his absence, I'll make more of these things than I should. The admission really threw me for a loop because it wasn't expected and was welcomed a lot more than part of me feels it should be - in other words, I'm scared I'm already starting to fall for him just because he's gone. I can't figure out if I like him this much because there was a genuine connection between us or if just the fact that he's not here makes the difference. I hope that makes sense.
I've been in a relationship before that started off long distance. But we got to see each other at least once a month before I moved to the same city (and then became a long term relationship). I obviously don't get that here if I'm seriously going to consider his seeing me when he gets back as a real option. And I actually do want to consider it a real option, but I guess I'm just a bit gun-shy and worried that this is all in my head. Part of me feels like I should talk to him about it somehow, but I don't know what to say or how to say it or if I should even say anything.
Does anyone have any words of wisdom/experience in LDRs like this?
Any suggestions on how to proceed?
Advice on how to keep a level head here and not make more of it than there actually is?