Dellamorte Dellamore
Dellamorte Dellamore is an Italian movie that contains zombies, Rupert Everett and huge amounts of WTF. It is in no way a traditional zombie movie. It's looks reminds me a bit of Army of Darkness, but instead of beeing a ridiculous, over the top piece of pure awesome, it's trying very hard to be deep and existentialist. Definitely a movie you could write pages about trying to analyse it for contemporary art courses. I'm just left wondering what drugs these people were on.
The film centers around Francesco Dellamorte who is a grave digger at the local cemetery and lives there with his helper, the mentally slow Gnaghi, who never speaks. The only sound he makes is the occasional 'Gnah'. Francescos only friend and regular contact to the outside world is a town hall clerk named Franco.
Sometimes the dead dig their way out of their graves and Francesco is paid extra to get rid of them and keep quiet about it. He doesn't care why or how they reanimate, zombies are just a thing that happens. This doesn't change when he meets the admittedly gorgeous widow of a recently buried man. He instantly falls in love and seduces her in a crypt after a bit of token protest about how she needs to be faithful to her husbands memory. But apparently being surrounded by skeletons and death turns her on and she just can't resist. I rolled my eyes at this point, but let it go.
They promptly have sex on the grave of her dead husband. Her explanation for choosing this location is, that she never kept any secrets from her husband and that he would have liked to know. Obviously girlfriend has issues and predictably her husband chooses this exact moment to come back from the dead and bites her, before Francesco manages to kill him.
After a few last minute proclamations of true love forever and ever, even beyond death *dun dun dun*, she dies, reanimates and dies again. Poor Francesco is left heart broken. But life at the cemetary goes on and the dead continue to rise every so often.
On a rare trip to town Francesco and Gnaghi meet the mayor, his teenage daughter and a few other people. Gnaghi is instantly smitten by the mayors daughter and in his excitement vomits all over her, leaving a great first impression. But he gets his chance the next day when the daughter has a moped accident that gets her decapitated by a school bus full of boy scouts, kills her moped riding boyfriend and all the boy scouts on the bus.
Of course, the victims are buried in Francescos cemetary and during the funeral service he quite correctly notes that he'll need to stock up on bullets. This part is almost like a regular zombie movies and a lot of boy scouts die a second time after they reanimate a few days later.
But as the boy scouts reanimate, so does the mayors daughter. Gnaghi diggs up her head and voila, new girlfirend. Then it gets weird:
Francesco meets and kills the zombie widow again, which leads him to conclude that she wasn't a zombie the first time he killed her. He has a little chat with Death, who tells him to stop killing his zombies. If he wants to do something about the zombies he should just shoot the living in the head. Francesco does. Meanwhile the mayor gets killed by his zombie daughters head.
Francesco meets the new mayors assistant who looks just like the widow. She instantly falls in love with him, because she has a dick phobia (too lazy to come up with an euphemism right now) and heard the false rumors that he's impotent. Francesco promptly gets himself chemically castrated (no, really) so he won't be found out. Afterwards the assistant tells him that the new mayor raped her and because she liked it, she's now healed of her phobia and is going to marry the mayor but they can still be friends. (I wish I was making this up.)
There is more, but I don't want to give away everything. This has to bee seen to be believed.