Reasons I Shouldn't Write Screenplays, Part 2
Changes for Final Sacrifice remake:
Opening card after production credit-“Laurel Gorge, Alberta. 1983”
Extended opening chase: Mike Pipper, Thomas Macgregor, and his wife Julia Macgregor are seen, but not identified by name. The connection is made when Troy looks at a photograph of his parents.
Troy is first seen at his father’s grave, but the scene has the aunt dealing more exposition.
The map is found when Troy gathers up the courage and strength to open his father’s trunk, locked tightly by the aunt (as expected, she wants him to stay away from archeology and his parents’ memory).
Scenes are shown of Troy at school, reading history books and Indian lore.
Henchmen’s swords become axes, tanks tops become sweaters
More ambiguous beginning, making the outcome of the chase ambiguous. A shot is heard over the black screen.
Music is kept, but adapted to an orchestra and made more varied
Transition is used by dates: “Seven Years later” becomes “Eagle’s Head, Alberta. 1990”
Cult symbols on hands: Rowsdower wears gloves to conceal his
New character: Lydia Pipper, Mike Pipper’s daughter that joins Troy in the search for her father. She is Troy’s classmate, hooking up with him upon his asking her about her father.
Rowsdower is seen, but not identified and has his face hidden when he overhears Lydia asking the police about Pipper and Macgregor.
Satoris finds out on Troy’s discovery of the map via espionage, a henchman seeing Troy looking up the Ziox Native American empire at the library.
Troy is accosted by a thug demanding the map on his way home, precipitating the attack later. He calls up Lydia, but her phone is offline.
Troy manages to delay the thugs by going in car-hostile areas, making a test less of speed and more of maneuver.
The Canada song is heard in various forms: A mountie at the police station sings the first verse “Oh I wish I could die in Old Canada, a land which I never shall lampoon” etc, Troy sings the second “As he scraped and he chiseled all the moose poop of his boots, I would learn that he’s the prime minister”, Rowdower whistles it, and Satoris sings the fourth verse “I wish I was blowing up Prince Edward Island, and going on to bomb Ontario” etc.
Troy is rescued by Rowdower on purpose, running the thugs’ car off the road. Troy jumps in the back, and is introduced to Rowsdower by Lydia. Rowsdower’s standoffish at first, but the name of Macgregor softens him. Rowsdowermobile (as he puts it) is started up by Rowsdower’s home brew (comedy!).
“Zap” is a nickname, a corruption of Zacharias. “Rowsdower” is his real last name.
Rowdower wants to turn in the kids, but to the police’s protection.
Already broken bottles and a Molotov cocktail are using against pursuing thugs.
Ziox are Native Americans .Rowsdower reveals knowing Troy’s father after telling him about the cult (“The man you call Garth Vader is their leader”), but is silent about his death. “I was a businessman, but my boss made too many demands”
TROY: “I dreamed that I was stuck with a boozy, backwoods loser named Rows-“ LYDIA:“Troy, er…”
ZAP: (laughing) “Well, it’s more polite than what most people call me”
Rowsdower joins the quest when Troy and Lydia point out that his interference has been seen by the cult.
Car problem scenes are cut out. Troy insists they stop after coming across a landmark from the map. Lydia joins Troy exploring.
“’Take a left at the dead tree’, oh, that helps!” “I dropped my canteen and got lost, right on schedule. Next I have to fall, break my ankle, be attacked by coyotes, and be buried by a bear." “I don’t go map-findin’-behindin’” -quotes from MST episode are actually spoken by characters.
Rowsdower follows Troy when he hears the distinctive cult horn call. They find a mark made by Mike Pipper in the tomb.
After the three find the map chamber, the thugs attack. The kids escape, but Rowsdower is captured. Satoris interrogates him in the main chamber, while a henchman finds the map chamber. Satoris offers to accept Rowsdower if he turns in Troy, but Zap refuses. Satoris rips off Rowdower’s right glove, revealing the symbol, and has the henchmen work him over with their rifle butts.
New line for Satoris: “Hell? I’ve spent twenty years in the hills and caverns of southern Alberta. Hell would be a place that I would turn into a palace”
Rowsdower escapes the thugs capturing him by whipping out a hidden walking stick.
The kids overhear Satoris interrogating Rowsdower and finding the map by hiding in the adjacent chamber. They escape and reunite with Rowsdower when they run towards the sound of gunfire.
Rowsdower leads the kids to Pipper’s cabin on purpose, seeking sanctuary. Pipper and another grizzled ex-archeologist attack the thugs and capture our heroes.
Pipper (who still speaks and looks comically as the original) recognizes Rowdower and wants to kill him when Lydia tells her identity and Troy’s.
The exposition scene is even longer, with Rowsdower revealing that he was part of the digs. Pipper is more comedic, with plenty of “Ooooh!”s, “consarn it”, “dagnabbit”, “fiddlesticks” and “Varmints” heard.
The idol’s power controls the city, and the city sank when a high priest stood against the cult and sacrificed himself to the old gods. The idol grants powers to the high priest of the cult. Sacrificing an animal will give Satoris invulnerability and other powers (As long as the idol exists, that is). Sacrificing a human will make the idol itself indestructible. Enough sacrifices will give the powers of the city and its stone army to the high priest.
Pipper reveals to Troy that when Rowsdower began to act mysteriously, he suspected, but Troy’s father refused to kill Zap. Rowsdower betrayed the diggers to Satoris. Troy’s mother was killed picking up a rifle, and the rest ran. Pipper didn’t see Thomas get shot, but suspects Rowsdower is to blame. Troy denies it, and runs off to be by himself
Pipper warns his daughter to stay away from Troy. He holds Thomas Macgregor responsible for getting the archeologists in trouble with the cult and for his own life in exile. Lydia refuses to leave Troy, and stalks off to be alone.
Rowsdower’s nightmare consists of his tattooing, the attack on the archeologists, and a prophecy of his own death at the hands of Satoris. The nightmare is initiated when Satoris sacrifices a deer to the altar, with the deer’s death climaxing with Rowsdower’s dream.
We see Satoris and some thugs kill one of Pipper’s men, burn the map, then drag off Troy. All are performed with Satoris showing off his newfound powers.
Rowsdower rides off to save Troy, while the Pippers round up the other ex-scientists and call in the police.
Troy is tied down on the altar to be sacrificed. The trash talk ensues there.
Rowsdower’s attack has some of the thugs driving off to summon the rest of the cult members camping on the far side of the mountain. Rowsdower keeps ahead by causing rockslides.
Pipper’s men arrive, but the hundreds of cultists throw them back.
Rowsdower can’t cut Troy free, but grabs a torch to confront Satoris. Satoris wrenches it away, but Rowsdower grabs the other. It’s stick-and-torch against stick-and-torch.
The trash talking is longer and more prolonged. Lydia cuts Troy free during the fight, and then proceeds to set two packs of TNT on the altar.
A thug cuts one of the charge lines, and the kids fight some thugs.
Satoris defeats Rowsdower with his powers, but Lydia, having subdued a henchman and taken his rifle, shoots him. The shot is ineffectual “A bullet is the arse? That’s not very sportsmanlike, child”, Troy stands in front of Lydia, but is knocked to the ground by Satoris’ powers. “The final Sacrifice” speech is made, and Satoris reveals that his stick has a bayonet hidden in its tip. Troy defies him. While this is happening, Lydia sets off one pack of explosives and Zap throws his torch at the other pack. The altar is destroyed, and a pillar of fire shoots into the sky.
During the duel, the Mounties arrive to the rescue, forcing the henchmen on the defensive.
Troy shoots the now-powerless Satoris, whose body falls into the fire. The city rises, the cult members throw off their hoods and throw down their guns, and the tattoos vanish.
Everyone walks into the city, with Mike and Zap reconciling while Troy and Lydia make love in an alcove.
Troy and Rowsdower (who adopts Troy) decide to join Mike Pipper as he comes back to archeology.
The Pippers watch as Troy and Rowsdower ride into the sunset, and talk about following them. ”The best thing in life, Troy, is beer” “I thought it was cheese” “Cheese is number two” “Where does sex fit in?” “Right after BLTs and right before archeology” “What about conquering your enemies, driving them before you and hearing the lamentations of their women?” “Shut up, kid”
The songs “We will Rowsdower” and “Rowsdower saves us” are heard during the trailers, and the entire Msting of the credits is played over the ending credits. “Everyone in the damn series is a damn girl!” “But Rowsdower-“ “A big, hairy girl!”
Cameos by the original cast and director as thugs, diggers, etc. Perhaps Nelson, Corbett, and Murphy, too.
Filmed in entirely in southern Alberta.
Opening card after production credit-“Laurel Gorge, Alberta. 1983”
Extended opening chase: Mike Pipper, Thomas Macgregor, and his wife Julia Macgregor are seen, but not identified by name. The connection is made when Troy looks at a photograph of his parents.
Troy is first seen at his father’s grave, but the scene has the aunt dealing more exposition.
The map is found when Troy gathers up the courage and strength to open his father’s trunk, locked tightly by the aunt (as expected, she wants him to stay away from archeology and his parents’ memory).
Scenes are shown of Troy at school, reading history books and Indian lore.
Henchmen’s swords become axes, tanks tops become sweaters
More ambiguous beginning, making the outcome of the chase ambiguous. A shot is heard over the black screen.
Music is kept, but adapted to an orchestra and made more varied
Transition is used by dates: “Seven Years later” becomes “Eagle’s Head, Alberta. 1990”
Cult symbols on hands: Rowsdower wears gloves to conceal his
New character: Lydia Pipper, Mike Pipper’s daughter that joins Troy in the search for her father. She is Troy’s classmate, hooking up with him upon his asking her about her father.
Rowsdower is seen, but not identified and has his face hidden when he overhears Lydia asking the police about Pipper and Macgregor.
Satoris finds out on Troy’s discovery of the map via espionage, a henchman seeing Troy looking up the Ziox Native American empire at the library.
Troy is accosted by a thug demanding the map on his way home, precipitating the attack later. He calls up Lydia, but her phone is offline.
Troy manages to delay the thugs by going in car-hostile areas, making a test less of speed and more of maneuver.
The Canada song is heard in various forms: A mountie at the police station sings the first verse “Oh I wish I could die in Old Canada, a land which I never shall lampoon” etc, Troy sings the second “As he scraped and he chiseled all the moose poop of his boots, I would learn that he’s the prime minister”, Rowdower whistles it, and Satoris sings the fourth verse “I wish I was blowing up Prince Edward Island, and going on to bomb Ontario” etc.
Troy is rescued by Rowdower on purpose, running the thugs’ car off the road. Troy jumps in the back, and is introduced to Rowsdower by Lydia. Rowsdower’s standoffish at first, but the name of Macgregor softens him. Rowsdowermobile (as he puts it) is started up by Rowsdower’s home brew (comedy!).
“Zap” is a nickname, a corruption of Zacharias. “Rowsdower” is his real last name.
Rowdower wants to turn in the kids, but to the police’s protection.
Already broken bottles and a Molotov cocktail are using against pursuing thugs.
Ziox are Native Americans .Rowsdower reveals knowing Troy’s father after telling him about the cult (“The man you call Garth Vader is their leader”), but is silent about his death. “I was a businessman, but my boss made too many demands”
TROY: “I dreamed that I was stuck with a boozy, backwoods loser named Rows-“ LYDIA:“Troy, er…”
ZAP: (laughing) “Well, it’s more polite than what most people call me”
Rowsdower joins the quest when Troy and Lydia point out that his interference has been seen by the cult.
Car problem scenes are cut out. Troy insists they stop after coming across a landmark from the map. Lydia joins Troy exploring.
“’Take a left at the dead tree’, oh, that helps!” “I dropped my canteen and got lost, right on schedule. Next I have to fall, break my ankle, be attacked by coyotes, and be buried by a bear." “I don’t go map-findin’-behindin’” -quotes from MST episode are actually spoken by characters.
Rowsdower follows Troy when he hears the distinctive cult horn call. They find a mark made by Mike Pipper in the tomb.
After the three find the map chamber, the thugs attack. The kids escape, but Rowsdower is captured. Satoris interrogates him in the main chamber, while a henchman finds the map chamber. Satoris offers to accept Rowsdower if he turns in Troy, but Zap refuses. Satoris rips off Rowdower’s right glove, revealing the symbol, and has the henchmen work him over with their rifle butts.
New line for Satoris: “Hell? I’ve spent twenty years in the hills and caverns of southern Alberta. Hell would be a place that I would turn into a palace”
Rowsdower escapes the thugs capturing him by whipping out a hidden walking stick.
The kids overhear Satoris interrogating Rowsdower and finding the map by hiding in the adjacent chamber. They escape and reunite with Rowsdower when they run towards the sound of gunfire.
Rowsdower leads the kids to Pipper’s cabin on purpose, seeking sanctuary. Pipper and another grizzled ex-archeologist attack the thugs and capture our heroes.
Pipper (who still speaks and looks comically as the original) recognizes Rowdower and wants to kill him when Lydia tells her identity and Troy’s.
The exposition scene is even longer, with Rowsdower revealing that he was part of the digs. Pipper is more comedic, with plenty of “Ooooh!”s, “consarn it”, “dagnabbit”, “fiddlesticks” and “Varmints” heard.
The idol’s power controls the city, and the city sank when a high priest stood against the cult and sacrificed himself to the old gods. The idol grants powers to the high priest of the cult. Sacrificing an animal will give Satoris invulnerability and other powers (As long as the idol exists, that is). Sacrificing a human will make the idol itself indestructible. Enough sacrifices will give the powers of the city and its stone army to the high priest.
Pipper reveals to Troy that when Rowsdower began to act mysteriously, he suspected, but Troy’s father refused to kill Zap. Rowsdower betrayed the diggers to Satoris. Troy’s mother was killed picking up a rifle, and the rest ran. Pipper didn’t see Thomas get shot, but suspects Rowsdower is to blame. Troy denies it, and runs off to be by himself
Pipper warns his daughter to stay away from Troy. He holds Thomas Macgregor responsible for getting the archeologists in trouble with the cult and for his own life in exile. Lydia refuses to leave Troy, and stalks off to be alone.
Rowsdower’s nightmare consists of his tattooing, the attack on the archeologists, and a prophecy of his own death at the hands of Satoris. The nightmare is initiated when Satoris sacrifices a deer to the altar, with the deer’s death climaxing with Rowsdower’s dream.
We see Satoris and some thugs kill one of Pipper’s men, burn the map, then drag off Troy. All are performed with Satoris showing off his newfound powers.
Rowsdower rides off to save Troy, while the Pippers round up the other ex-scientists and call in the police.
Troy is tied down on the altar to be sacrificed. The trash talk ensues there.
Rowsdower’s attack has some of the thugs driving off to summon the rest of the cult members camping on the far side of the mountain. Rowsdower keeps ahead by causing rockslides.
Pipper’s men arrive, but the hundreds of cultists throw them back.
Rowsdower can’t cut Troy free, but grabs a torch to confront Satoris. Satoris wrenches it away, but Rowsdower grabs the other. It’s stick-and-torch against stick-and-torch.
The trash talking is longer and more prolonged. Lydia cuts Troy free during the fight, and then proceeds to set two packs of TNT on the altar.
A thug cuts one of the charge lines, and the kids fight some thugs.
Satoris defeats Rowsdower with his powers, but Lydia, having subdued a henchman and taken his rifle, shoots him. The shot is ineffectual “A bullet is the arse? That’s not very sportsmanlike, child”, Troy stands in front of Lydia, but is knocked to the ground by Satoris’ powers. “The final Sacrifice” speech is made, and Satoris reveals that his stick has a bayonet hidden in its tip. Troy defies him. While this is happening, Lydia sets off one pack of explosives and Zap throws his torch at the other pack. The altar is destroyed, and a pillar of fire shoots into the sky.
During the duel, the Mounties arrive to the rescue, forcing the henchmen on the defensive.
Troy shoots the now-powerless Satoris, whose body falls into the fire. The city rises, the cult members throw off their hoods and throw down their guns, and the tattoos vanish.
Everyone walks into the city, with Mike and Zap reconciling while Troy and Lydia make love in an alcove.
Troy and Rowsdower (who adopts Troy) decide to join Mike Pipper as he comes back to archeology.
The Pippers watch as Troy and Rowsdower ride into the sunset, and talk about following them. ”The best thing in life, Troy, is beer” “I thought it was cheese” “Cheese is number two” “Where does sex fit in?” “Right after BLTs and right before archeology” “What about conquering your enemies, driving them before you and hearing the lamentations of their women?” “Shut up, kid”
The songs “We will Rowsdower” and “Rowsdower saves us” are heard during the trailers, and the entire Msting of the credits is played over the ending credits. “Everyone in the damn series is a damn girl!” “But Rowsdower-“ “A big, hairy girl!”
Cameos by the original cast and director as thugs, diggers, etc. Perhaps Nelson, Corbett, and Murphy, too.
Filmed in entirely in southern Alberta.