Unsure...
I am not sure if this will be of decent or moderate size. All I know is I should blog a little bit before it builds up at all. Here soon I won't really have time to breathe let alone blog really. I know this deep down, so maybe this is a good option for now. Might as well get it out of my system. Lol. I am rambling, I can tell. But my English teacher taught me even nonsense keeps the writers mind writing and it can wind up a masterful piece by the time it is done. So here goes nothing.
I am thinking of deleting my facebook. Much as it keeps me connected to friends and news feeds what purpose is it actually serving? It is a modern myspace, which hell, last time I logged onto there was to kidnap some photos right quick that I didn't have on my computer. I no longer utilize myspace the way I once did. I don't really much care for facebook except to occasionally kill some time when I can't sleep. I barely check it most days when I am busy with things that need to be done, so why really keep it around? So others can keep an eye on me?
Oh you know what I have noticed, especially in reference to facebook? I am becoming much more private and less perverted publicly. This is not necessarily a bad thing. I just happen to catch it the other day. I used to be so terrible. Now it is just simple posts about my day or what is for lunch lol. I am rather boring these days. Where did my sense of adventure go? Have I finally begun to calm down? Is this what settling down entails? I kind of like it lol. My life is so much simpler now. It is so much easier to keep up with things when I am not constantly looking over my shoulders. I feel much better with the progress I have put into my life these days.
My parents started to bug me again recently which comes up from time to time. I really wish I understood why it makes me so negative with every aspect of my life like it has this tendency of doing. I don't think it helped that work was exploding at the same time so it just set into motion some nastiness out of me which is unusual for me nowadays. I have definitely improved my attitude over the years.
I have decided to keep tiff at arms length now. I have come to this conclusion due to recent events and feeling as though I do not matter at all to her now. I feel as though unless I am doing exactly what she thinks is right for me it isn't good enough. Like the fact that me and Ammie haven't like tied the knot to her bugs her right now. I have plenty of time to do that with Ammie, calm the hell down. I know it means I will get less of Cesar, but with the concept now back that I do want kids and that that could be a possibility with someone, well, I will just make my own family. I will make my own little world.
I have been reflecting a lot lately on the past decade of my life. I have come a very long way and I am proud of the things I have accomplished. I am proud also in the fact that I have decided to make this relationship the not "maybe" relationship. Or the "almost" relationship. Me and tiff, well it was always almost or maybe. We almost had kids together. We almost bought a house together. We almost did things, we might have done more had we actually wanted that with one another. I know that this is what I want with Ammie. I do not want to maybe marry her, I want to. I will do this. I know that I want to have kids with her and start a family together. I don't want to just talk about it, it is something that I want to accomplish, sooner than later.
The last couple of times we have made love my whole sense of self gets completely overwhelmed. I am unsure what is happening there and will be analyzing it figure out what is happening with that one. I haven't quite put my finger on what is happening. I mean it is all good, it is wonderfully amazing. I just cannot figure out why I get so emotionally overwhelmed. Like what the hell is that. I keep learning new things about her. What works what doesn't. How much this how much that. I am loving the learning process. I am loving the wonders of her body and her skin. I am blessed with such a beautiful woman. I am truly blessed at this point in my life with so much.
The medication is working wonderfully. I am doing so much better on it and so happy to be successful with everything right now. I am very pleased with how things are working. I couldn't be happier with my medication actually working and helping me become successful in my regular life. That is a very big happy occasion right there.
So I am pretty stoked. I am taking Ammie to my home in the spring next year. I have priced everything. I am so happy to have an actual vacation with the woman I love.
I had this thought the other day. Lately Michigan keeps popping out at me. It is rather strange. I am not sure why. But I wonder what is in Michigan that keeps standing out to me. Am I supposed to find home there? Is there someone important in my future there? Or is it just making me notice Ammie more since she is from there? I am unsure. Another point to ponder while deep in my dreams.
My dreams have also taken off without me it seems. Oh the happiness it finds itself having. How wonderful...
I am beyond words happy right now. I am on a cloud I never knew existed. She is constantly worried about how much I do for her. She isn't used to someone like me who does things without conditions. She is not prepared for something like that I think. Yet here I am, her little Plutonian. All original Megan. I know it can be strange and it isn't helping it is driving her nuts because she cannot do the same things right now. But I understand it ya know. I get it. It isn't that big of a deal at all. She will adjust soon enough.
Ah love. I hope this feeling never fades. I cannot imagine my life without it in it.
Her dog loves me. It is so friggin cute.
Class starts in mere days. Here goes the next six years of my life. What the hell am I gonna do? Am I gonna hit the ground running or run scared with my tail between my legs?
Here goes nothing...
You know the other day she was talking to her dog and asked him playfully if he missed us. For some reason that made me grin like an idiot. I don't know why that was so thrilling. I sort of do, but am not clear right now...
Anyways, time for my nightly key room naps. I am pretty beat from the last few days, next couple won't be so easy either. But I will succeed and get everything done before class starts Monday. Here goes nothing!
I am thinking of deleting my facebook. Much as it keeps me connected to friends and news feeds what purpose is it actually serving? It is a modern myspace, which hell, last time I logged onto there was to kidnap some photos right quick that I didn't have on my computer. I no longer utilize myspace the way I once did. I don't really much care for facebook except to occasionally kill some time when I can't sleep. I barely check it most days when I am busy with things that need to be done, so why really keep it around? So others can keep an eye on me?
Oh you know what I have noticed, especially in reference to facebook? I am becoming much more private and less perverted publicly. This is not necessarily a bad thing. I just happen to catch it the other day. I used to be so terrible. Now it is just simple posts about my day or what is for lunch lol. I am rather boring these days. Where did my sense of adventure go? Have I finally begun to calm down? Is this what settling down entails? I kind of like it lol. My life is so much simpler now. It is so much easier to keep up with things when I am not constantly looking over my shoulders. I feel much better with the progress I have put into my life these days.
My parents started to bug me again recently which comes up from time to time. I really wish I understood why it makes me so negative with every aspect of my life like it has this tendency of doing. I don't think it helped that work was exploding at the same time so it just set into motion some nastiness out of me which is unusual for me nowadays. I have definitely improved my attitude over the years.
I have decided to keep tiff at arms length now. I have come to this conclusion due to recent events and feeling as though I do not matter at all to her now. I feel as though unless I am doing exactly what she thinks is right for me it isn't good enough. Like the fact that me and Ammie haven't like tied the knot to her bugs her right now. I have plenty of time to do that with Ammie, calm the hell down. I know it means I will get less of Cesar, but with the concept now back that I do want kids and that that could be a possibility with someone, well, I will just make my own family. I will make my own little world.
I have been reflecting a lot lately on the past decade of my life. I have come a very long way and I am proud of the things I have accomplished. I am proud also in the fact that I have decided to make this relationship the not "maybe" relationship. Or the "almost" relationship. Me and tiff, well it was always almost or maybe. We almost had kids together. We almost bought a house together. We almost did things, we might have done more had we actually wanted that with one another. I know that this is what I want with Ammie. I do not want to maybe marry her, I want to. I will do this. I know that I want to have kids with her and start a family together. I don't want to just talk about it, it is something that I want to accomplish, sooner than later.
The last couple of times we have made love my whole sense of self gets completely overwhelmed. I am unsure what is happening there and will be analyzing it figure out what is happening with that one. I haven't quite put my finger on what is happening. I mean it is all good, it is wonderfully amazing. I just cannot figure out why I get so emotionally overwhelmed. Like what the hell is that. I keep learning new things about her. What works what doesn't. How much this how much that. I am loving the learning process. I am loving the wonders of her body and her skin. I am blessed with such a beautiful woman. I am truly blessed at this point in my life with so much.
The medication is working wonderfully. I am doing so much better on it and so happy to be successful with everything right now. I am very pleased with how things are working. I couldn't be happier with my medication actually working and helping me become successful in my regular life. That is a very big happy occasion right there.
So I am pretty stoked. I am taking Ammie to my home in the spring next year. I have priced everything. I am so happy to have an actual vacation with the woman I love.
I had this thought the other day. Lately Michigan keeps popping out at me. It is rather strange. I am not sure why. But I wonder what is in Michigan that keeps standing out to me. Am I supposed to find home there? Is there someone important in my future there? Or is it just making me notice Ammie more since she is from there? I am unsure. Another point to ponder while deep in my dreams.
My dreams have also taken off without me it seems. Oh the happiness it finds itself having. How wonderful...
I am beyond words happy right now. I am on a cloud I never knew existed. She is constantly worried about how much I do for her. She isn't used to someone like me who does things without conditions. She is not prepared for something like that I think. Yet here I am, her little Plutonian. All original Megan. I know it can be strange and it isn't helping it is driving her nuts because she cannot do the same things right now. But I understand it ya know. I get it. It isn't that big of a deal at all. She will adjust soon enough.
Ah love. I hope this feeling never fades. I cannot imagine my life without it in it.
Her dog loves me. It is so friggin cute.
Class starts in mere days. Here goes the next six years of my life. What the hell am I gonna do? Am I gonna hit the ground running or run scared with my tail between my legs?
Here goes nothing...
You know the other day she was talking to her dog and asked him playfully if he missed us. For some reason that made me grin like an idiot. I don't know why that was so thrilling. I sort of do, but am not clear right now...
Anyways, time for my nightly key room naps. I am pretty beat from the last few days, next couple won't be so easy either. But I will succeed and get everything done before class starts Monday. Here goes nothing!