My heart...
Okay, so I have been slightly avoiding in my blogs what is in my heart and really deep in the recesses of my brain. I get so nervous that just typing it out scares the shit out of me cause I know she now keeps an eye on this. Yes, I can make it private but still, I want her to see my inner thinking, it clues in a lot of who I am with myself alone. I guess it seems like a weird concept. I just need to get this out of my head before it implodes upon itself.
Okay, so as silly as it sounds I seriously want to climb a rocky hill and scream from the tops of my lungs that she loves me. She is finally at the point that I am at and that has me more excited than words exist for. I cannot believe that a craigslist person could turn into this amazing love story that has only just begun to be written. Who knew, craigslist of all fucking places on the internet. I feel so lucky to have such a beautiful and amazing woman on my arm, and one I will proudly show off to the world as my partner. What amazes me the most is what this was supposed to be. Just two people finding a friendship with each other. When we went to poetry night together, that was when I really realized I was falling hard for her. We were sitting in the car on the drive up just chatting away and it was so free and easy going. I was not nervous, I was relaxed and felt at such ease with her. Then when we were sitting at the table I moved in such a way she was so close to me I could feel the heat off of her skin, but then we would move away from one another. When we were on the way home the conversation was so much fun. We just acted like old friends. Then we went for a drive and talked in my parking lot til three in the morning. It was the most amazing night that I had had in so long. I knew I was truly in trouble. I stepped up to the plate though with my heart on my sleeve hoping I wasn't setting myself up for disaster.
As time has gone on, I look back to the many nights we have had together. How many dawns have I greeted now? How many moments has she calmed the storm of my mind. How many hours have I spent on the phone with her. It has led up to this moment, this conclusion. I am absolutely, without a doubt in my mind, soul, or heart, head over heels in love with this woman. A depth I have never before experienced. I know I have come close to this before in the past, but this, this has a power and a depth I have never before known. I do not understand the power and implications sometimes. But I wouldn't trade these moments for anything. Not now, not ever.
This morning she came over to fill out some job things. She got some stuff done which made me happy then we cuddled and talked and flirted some more. I love that she flirts back with me! I can have my partner the object of my lustful desires and my hearts desires and she fucking gets it! She plays back with me. Oh how hot this morning was, even without sex. Oh boy am I in trouble at this point. That woman is gonna be the sweet blissful death of me. And how that excites me to a core I never knew existed. And she amazes me behind closed doors. She gets me to new extremes and back again that I never thought was possible. If I had the guts to tell her that I am the type that gets off once and passes out, and she has shown me the beauty of being a multi, I so would explain it to her. But somehow the words catch in my throat and I cannot allow them to escape for some reason. I get so nervous with her sometimes.
I think the cause is for once I am actually scared to lose someone. I never understood the meaning of that. I was always so cocky, so confidant that no matter what happened they would never leave. With her, I want to take my time, do this right, and never run even so much as a risk of losing her. I never got that till now. I never knew what that meant till someone meant so much to me.
I am not surprised by how happy she makes me, I am more caught off by it, I have never had someone compliment me so well that they completed me. I have not understood certain things. But what I am going through and my knowledge of twin flames and soul mates, I think I found my flame. I think this is what it is supposed to look like, feel like. Sure seems to be this way. I never thought this was possible for me in this lifetime. I never thought it was possible to meet my other half...
I am falling in love deeper still and lord knows every day I discover how deep love can go. I never thought it could reach these levels. I never knew these levels existed. Yet, here I am. I am in love with a woman I was supposed to just be friends with. What the hell lol. How does this happen? I only sought her out because she seemed perfect for me. Who knew how perfect she would turn out to be. So many times I go and reread over old text messages and absorb further and deeper into my mind what she was telling me at the time.
She is learning to read me so well. She is really putting it out there to do so. It is amazing to me how willing she is. Even more amazing is how excited she is to learn me more and more. I have never had such a willing participant. I haven't had a lot of things I didn't realize I needed so badly.
Omg! And she loves to kiss me, loves to cuddle with me, run her fingers through my hair, just all these little things that I love so much and no matter how much I do it with her it seems as if I never quite get sick of it. Now this is strange as I am a creature who likes their space a bit too much at times. Yet with her space and time do not exist. Time seems to melt away when we are together. I do not know how it happens but the conversation will be flowing, laughs will be shared, I will get called a little shit, then suddenly it is two in the morning. Time just flows so smoothly past us that it is slightly shocking really. I do not know where time goes, a warp of some sort maybe? It is rather strange. I could analyze it all night and never come up with a conclusion. I am content with that at this point.
Okay, time for me to find some other things to occupy my time. It seems to be creeping by tonight. Definite nap time in keys tonight. I hate slow nights, but it is a part of the job unfortunately. Can't wait till school starts and I have something to occupy myself again in the evening hours.
Okay, so as silly as it sounds I seriously want to climb a rocky hill and scream from the tops of my lungs that she loves me. She is finally at the point that I am at and that has me more excited than words exist for. I cannot believe that a craigslist person could turn into this amazing love story that has only just begun to be written. Who knew, craigslist of all fucking places on the internet. I feel so lucky to have such a beautiful and amazing woman on my arm, and one I will proudly show off to the world as my partner. What amazes me the most is what this was supposed to be. Just two people finding a friendship with each other. When we went to poetry night together, that was when I really realized I was falling hard for her. We were sitting in the car on the drive up just chatting away and it was so free and easy going. I was not nervous, I was relaxed and felt at such ease with her. Then when we were sitting at the table I moved in such a way she was so close to me I could feel the heat off of her skin, but then we would move away from one another. When we were on the way home the conversation was so much fun. We just acted like old friends. Then we went for a drive and talked in my parking lot til three in the morning. It was the most amazing night that I had had in so long. I knew I was truly in trouble. I stepped up to the plate though with my heart on my sleeve hoping I wasn't setting myself up for disaster.
As time has gone on, I look back to the many nights we have had together. How many dawns have I greeted now? How many moments has she calmed the storm of my mind. How many hours have I spent on the phone with her. It has led up to this moment, this conclusion. I am absolutely, without a doubt in my mind, soul, or heart, head over heels in love with this woman. A depth I have never before experienced. I know I have come close to this before in the past, but this, this has a power and a depth I have never before known. I do not understand the power and implications sometimes. But I wouldn't trade these moments for anything. Not now, not ever.
This morning she came over to fill out some job things. She got some stuff done which made me happy then we cuddled and talked and flirted some more. I love that she flirts back with me! I can have my partner the object of my lustful desires and my hearts desires and she fucking gets it! She plays back with me. Oh how hot this morning was, even without sex. Oh boy am I in trouble at this point. That woman is gonna be the sweet blissful death of me. And how that excites me to a core I never knew existed. And she amazes me behind closed doors. She gets me to new extremes and back again that I never thought was possible. If I had the guts to tell her that I am the type that gets off once and passes out, and she has shown me the beauty of being a multi, I so would explain it to her. But somehow the words catch in my throat and I cannot allow them to escape for some reason. I get so nervous with her sometimes.
I think the cause is for once I am actually scared to lose someone. I never understood the meaning of that. I was always so cocky, so confidant that no matter what happened they would never leave. With her, I want to take my time, do this right, and never run even so much as a risk of losing her. I never got that till now. I never knew what that meant till someone meant so much to me.
I am not surprised by how happy she makes me, I am more caught off by it, I have never had someone compliment me so well that they completed me. I have not understood certain things. But what I am going through and my knowledge of twin flames and soul mates, I think I found my flame. I think this is what it is supposed to look like, feel like. Sure seems to be this way. I never thought this was possible for me in this lifetime. I never thought it was possible to meet my other half...
I am falling in love deeper still and lord knows every day I discover how deep love can go. I never thought it could reach these levels. I never knew these levels existed. Yet, here I am. I am in love with a woman I was supposed to just be friends with. What the hell lol. How does this happen? I only sought her out because she seemed perfect for me. Who knew how perfect she would turn out to be. So many times I go and reread over old text messages and absorb further and deeper into my mind what she was telling me at the time.
She is learning to read me so well. She is really putting it out there to do so. It is amazing to me how willing she is. Even more amazing is how excited she is to learn me more and more. I have never had such a willing participant. I haven't had a lot of things I didn't realize I needed so badly.
Omg! And she loves to kiss me, loves to cuddle with me, run her fingers through my hair, just all these little things that I love so much and no matter how much I do it with her it seems as if I never quite get sick of it. Now this is strange as I am a creature who likes their space a bit too much at times. Yet with her space and time do not exist. Time seems to melt away when we are together. I do not know how it happens but the conversation will be flowing, laughs will be shared, I will get called a little shit, then suddenly it is two in the morning. Time just flows so smoothly past us that it is slightly shocking really. I do not know where time goes, a warp of some sort maybe? It is rather strange. I could analyze it all night and never come up with a conclusion. I am content with that at this point.
Okay, time for me to find some other things to occupy my time. It seems to be creeping by tonight. Definite nap time in keys tonight. I hate slow nights, but it is a part of the job unfortunately. Can't wait till school starts and I have something to occupy myself again in the evening hours.