Jamming
I just have music playing in the background, a nice mix of Common, Mary J Blidge with a mixture of Coolio and Chris Brown. An ecclectic brand with the occasional boy band blaring through my speakers making my key room dance along with me. I love the fact I found some Busta Rhymes. Makes me rock out like none other lol. Nearly 6000 songs on my computer. I am very content with that. I swear I am addicted to music, it always has to be playing, it is the soundtrack of my life.
I have spent the last couple days in my head thinking. This is usually a bad thing full of depression. For once, it is light, is is soulful, it is also spiritual. I have been thinking long and hard where I want my spiritual path to go. I was never strong in the divinational world, being more a sole practitioner as opposed to doing things with others. I just find doing divination for myself doesn't seem to produce logical results whereas others doing divination for me, tend to produce actual results that we can learn from and guide my life through it. So that one is kind of out the door. Maybe I need to explore religions again. I dunno, I have so many beliefs that not one section fits me just right in world religions. It is hard to fathom that there is a good fit now. I dunno, I think I need to add to my spiritual repertoire soon. I am just not sure exactly what I want for my spiritual self. I think I am going through an awakening right now but unsure how to proceed quite just yet. Hmm... we shall see.
Now my journal is followed by my significant other when I allow it to post up to my facebook. I think it feels a little odd that I allow her to see my personal thoughts. I find it odd that I do not mind sharing them the way I have in the past when writing in here. I have so much history in this thing, hell over 700 journal entries alone in this journal, not including other journals I have kept at other time. This is the main one though and has so much dirt on me it is ridiculous. But I share my journal to my facebook every time now, allowing her the option to read it if she wants, glimpse the inner workings of the cogs of my mind. I like the fact that she does take the time to read this. Kind of makes me feel special that she does this.
Side note, I have class in two weeks and I am truly terrified to see how this semester is gonna work... I hope I can do this. I truly do.
Another side note, my naughty little comments are becoming apparent. I am notorious for making comments in a sexual manner to my significant others, and hell, sometimes my friends if we have that relationship together. It is making itself known as I have kept that little demon quiet, maybe out of fear that it would upset her. I dunno why exactly. I don't want her feeling like I am with her out of a matter of getting laid easily. I really hope that that thought doesn't cross her mind. Yes, I know, I am over analyzing the bloody hell out of things again, but what else is new eh? I am allowing that playful nature of mine to slowly come out, and she fights back!! She and I banter playfully and easily and it is so enjoyable. I watch it a little bit because I have not figured out her sensitivity to things yet, but I have no doubt in my mind she will communicate effectively with me when I get to be too much of a pain in the ass. At least there is that.
I have decided, today actually, to just open the rest of my sides up. No more testing Ammie. Either she can handle it or not, I have no clue which of those are the options, but I am tired of tip toeing like I have been, when she has made it clear to me not to. I guess what it boils down to is I am not in fear of anything with her now, so why hide the last little parts of myself, why not show her the rest of who I am? She doesn't quite know what she has in store for her as of yet. I have debated randomly showing up for her breaks and not tell her I am going to just for a few minutes of time with her. Instead I go and lay down and wait for her call kicking myself in the ass the entire time I am hearing her voice, when instead I could be giving and receiving plenty of kisses for putting forth an effort lol. I could see her instead. So I am dropping the rest of my guards. Time to be myself the rest of the way instead of feeling her out. She is communicative, what the hell am I so damned worried about? Sheesh.
Anyways, other things on my mind have been those things, but also some other deeper thoughts that have been on my brain. Twin flames. I know I have been on this topic since I first learned about it. And each partner I seem to get more and more in depth with it and understand it a little more further. Now, there is this niggle in the back of my brain dealing with it that has my curiosity. I have my own thoughts and opinions, one big one in particular. But I shall not share it yet. I am going to continue observing and reach my conclusions slowly. I know where I stand though and that is wonderful.
You remember the he loves me he loves me not flower plucking. She loves me. She fucking loves me! Who knew I had this waiting for me, who knew that I could find this with another person. Who knew I could be completed in this manner? I feel lighter than air, I feel grounded, I feel elated. I feel so many things all at once sometimes I have to just sit back like I have been and process it all. She sees me for me. She knows the real me, the many sides to me. She is starting to learn me, and quite well in fact. It just all is going so smoothly.
Today we were talking about the Uhaul concept. I didn't make certain thoughts vocal but she knew my hidden meanings I do believe. I want to live with her. I want children with her. EVENTUALLY. I do not need it tomorrow. I do not need it next week. Let's talk when it gets closer to my lease ending. Then the conversation can be more explored at that time. Until then, I am content with each other staying the night at the others home, enjoying our private times here and there, whenever we have the spare time to be together.
Yet another side note, I am hoping she does get a new job like she wants and winds up on a day shift so that we can feel a little more at liberty to see one another. That would be rather pleasant.
Oh and I am in trouble. She plays back with me with sexual jokes and remarks. CRAP. But at the same time, HOT. Oh I am in trouble because she is just damn amazing behind closed doors. I won't go into details like I have said before since this is public, but damn it, I can do things with her that I never have before. Now that amazes me to no end.
Alright time to wrap this up for now. Chat with you all another day...
I have spent the last couple days in my head thinking. This is usually a bad thing full of depression. For once, it is light, is is soulful, it is also spiritual. I have been thinking long and hard where I want my spiritual path to go. I was never strong in the divinational world, being more a sole practitioner as opposed to doing things with others. I just find doing divination for myself doesn't seem to produce logical results whereas others doing divination for me, tend to produce actual results that we can learn from and guide my life through it. So that one is kind of out the door. Maybe I need to explore religions again. I dunno, I have so many beliefs that not one section fits me just right in world religions. It is hard to fathom that there is a good fit now. I dunno, I think I need to add to my spiritual repertoire soon. I am just not sure exactly what I want for my spiritual self. I think I am going through an awakening right now but unsure how to proceed quite just yet. Hmm... we shall see.
Now my journal is followed by my significant other when I allow it to post up to my facebook. I think it feels a little odd that I allow her to see my personal thoughts. I find it odd that I do not mind sharing them the way I have in the past when writing in here. I have so much history in this thing, hell over 700 journal entries alone in this journal, not including other journals I have kept at other time. This is the main one though and has so much dirt on me it is ridiculous. But I share my journal to my facebook every time now, allowing her the option to read it if she wants, glimpse the inner workings of the cogs of my mind. I like the fact that she does take the time to read this. Kind of makes me feel special that she does this.
Side note, I have class in two weeks and I am truly terrified to see how this semester is gonna work... I hope I can do this. I truly do.
Another side note, my naughty little comments are becoming apparent. I am notorious for making comments in a sexual manner to my significant others, and hell, sometimes my friends if we have that relationship together. It is making itself known as I have kept that little demon quiet, maybe out of fear that it would upset her. I dunno why exactly. I don't want her feeling like I am with her out of a matter of getting laid easily. I really hope that that thought doesn't cross her mind. Yes, I know, I am over analyzing the bloody hell out of things again, but what else is new eh? I am allowing that playful nature of mine to slowly come out, and she fights back!! She and I banter playfully and easily and it is so enjoyable. I watch it a little bit because I have not figured out her sensitivity to things yet, but I have no doubt in my mind she will communicate effectively with me when I get to be too much of a pain in the ass. At least there is that.
I have decided, today actually, to just open the rest of my sides up. No more testing Ammie. Either she can handle it or not, I have no clue which of those are the options, but I am tired of tip toeing like I have been, when she has made it clear to me not to. I guess what it boils down to is I am not in fear of anything with her now, so why hide the last little parts of myself, why not show her the rest of who I am? She doesn't quite know what she has in store for her as of yet. I have debated randomly showing up for her breaks and not tell her I am going to just for a few minutes of time with her. Instead I go and lay down and wait for her call kicking myself in the ass the entire time I am hearing her voice, when instead I could be giving and receiving plenty of kisses for putting forth an effort lol. I could see her instead. So I am dropping the rest of my guards. Time to be myself the rest of the way instead of feeling her out. She is communicative, what the hell am I so damned worried about? Sheesh.
Anyways, other things on my mind have been those things, but also some other deeper thoughts that have been on my brain. Twin flames. I know I have been on this topic since I first learned about it. And each partner I seem to get more and more in depth with it and understand it a little more further. Now, there is this niggle in the back of my brain dealing with it that has my curiosity. I have my own thoughts and opinions, one big one in particular. But I shall not share it yet. I am going to continue observing and reach my conclusions slowly. I know where I stand though and that is wonderful.
You remember the he loves me he loves me not flower plucking. She loves me. She fucking loves me! Who knew I had this waiting for me, who knew that I could find this with another person. Who knew I could be completed in this manner? I feel lighter than air, I feel grounded, I feel elated. I feel so many things all at once sometimes I have to just sit back like I have been and process it all. She sees me for me. She knows the real me, the many sides to me. She is starting to learn me, and quite well in fact. It just all is going so smoothly.
Today we were talking about the Uhaul concept. I didn't make certain thoughts vocal but she knew my hidden meanings I do believe. I want to live with her. I want children with her. EVENTUALLY. I do not need it tomorrow. I do not need it next week. Let's talk when it gets closer to my lease ending. Then the conversation can be more explored at that time. Until then, I am content with each other staying the night at the others home, enjoying our private times here and there, whenever we have the spare time to be together.
Yet another side note, I am hoping she does get a new job like she wants and winds up on a day shift so that we can feel a little more at liberty to see one another. That would be rather pleasant.
Oh and I am in trouble. She plays back with me with sexual jokes and remarks. CRAP. But at the same time, HOT. Oh I am in trouble because she is just damn amazing behind closed doors. I won't go into details like I have said before since this is public, but damn it, I can do things with her that I never have before. Now that amazes me to no end.
Alright time to wrap this up for now. Chat with you all another day...