Fic Commentary: Restful
Damn - it's a testament of how much I've been writing lately/this year when I try to ctrl+f 'Restful' on my writing journal, and it doesn't show up in the last thirty entries. XDD;; And damn, I wrote this back in April? :O That was over four months ago!
So, yes, fic commentary of Restful for lucathia_rykatu!
...I have already written that word so many times it no longer looks like it's spelled correctly. XDD;;
But yeah, I'd...wow. I'd been writing a lot of Noblesse fic around about that time. XD;; I'd spent a lot of time talking with people because of them, and at some point I'd always end up saying something along the lines of 'I just want to give M-21 a hug!' and the other person would agree with me, so I decided to actually attempt to write a fic where M-21 got lots of hugs from everyone around him! \o/
Except, as soon as I started thinking about, M-21 just looked at me funny and refused to go near anyone. XD;;; So I settled with people treating him nice.
Also around this time, my sleep patterns had been acting up again, so decided to go from that angle - I had the perfect perspective to write from! No imagination had to go in - just write what the heck I was feeling right then and there! XDD
M-21 woke with a gasp caught behind clenched teeth, his heart racing, his blanket thrown to the side. He could still hear the doctors' detached assessment of him, M-24's last words, the children's screams. The moments he'd never wanted to live again, queued up back to back.
(Hm, this is all in italics in DW)
D: lskdjf So, if M-21 was having trouble sleeping, the best reason for that would be nightmares, right? This...did not take me long to think up (the examples). I'm fairly sure I switched the order of the list here. The children came first or something, but I think I changed it because I wanted it to be in chonological order, of course. XD;;
He took a shaky breath. And then another. His heartbeat roared in his ears, but the voices wouldn't stop. He could still feel the cold metal table he had lain on while being examined, the rough rock under his fingers and knees, his blood pooling around him from the holes in his chest. Hesitantly, M-21 brought a hand up to his chest, just to make sure. His fingers brushed against smooth skin; he released a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding.
This was, again, in a different order originally - I changed it so that the list matched up the previous examples. X3 I spent a bit of time trying to imagine the senses that he'd be feeling in those scenes.
M-21 reached over and switched his lamp on, flinching at the sudden change of light. It helped to make the dregs of memory recede faster as he stared at his bedroom walls. But not completely. They were still there, quietly replaying over and over in the back of his mind, and they sharpened into focus the second he stopped distracting himself.
Slowly, his heart began to settle down and the echoes faded further after that.
When he looked at his clock, M-21 sighed. Just after two.
He wasn't going to get back to sleep now, not if there was a chance he could have another repeat of the nightmares he'd just had.
M-21 tugged at his blanket so that it covered him again and prepared himself to stare at the ceiling for the next few hours.
I think I'd debated having M-21 going back to sleep again, but when I actually started writing it, yeeeeeah, he didn't want to. I'd also went back and forth over the time it was supposed to be when he woke up, because if it was too early, he might not have been that affected by the sudden awakening, and if it was too late, then he'd just get up anyway.
The lights were on when M-21 arrived home after work, and he could hear the children as soon as he opened the door. He hid a wince, adjusting his grip on his jacket. He hadn't fallen asleep again, but that meant he'd felt lightheaded before he'd even started getting ready for work. His balance had also been distinctly off, but eating breakfast had helped a little bit. Eventually, the lightheadedness left over the course of the day, but he still wanted to go straight to bed and hopefully regain the sleep he'd missed.
Haha, completely skipped the day! XDD I'd wanted to write M-21 wandering around the school, but even before I'd attempted it, I knew it would have made the fic very, very long. XD Not to mention, it would have taken away from the theme of making M-21 feel better. Though, now that I'm thinking about it, I guess it could have been used to showcase just how badly M-21 was affected. X3
Yeah, this part was done in seconds, because I just drew it from personal experience. XDD
No-one had realised that he hadn't been at his best at least.
Ha. You think so, M-21? XDD You're constantly in the company of two people who have very sharp eyes, and then there's Frankenstein and Rai. *snerrrrrk* I do love putting in dramatic irony in fics. X3
When he stepped into the dining room, however, there was a loud cheer around the table, all the children's attention on him.
"Awesome! We have another player!"
"That means our teams are equal now!"
"Pfft. It doesn't matter - you're still going to lose."
"Heh. We'll see."
Haaahaha! The kids instantly notice him and drag him into playing a game. I'd actually made three lists: one of all the kids, to make sure I didn't miss anyone out, and then the two sides, making sure M-21 and Regis were on opposite sides. XDD
I'd tried to make the dialogue distinctive, so you could hopefully guess who was talking, but I think I failed. I remember that it was Ik-han and Shinwoo who were the 'team captains' and it was definitely them two who were talking at the end. And I'm fairly sure it's Shinwoo who cheered first, since there's 'Awesome'. X3
Seeing their grinning faces, M-21 pushed his previous thoughts to the side and walked towards them, resigned to his fate. He wouldn't be able to sleep while they were playing anyway.
I think there was going to be a thought of something along the lines of, 'if he tried to sleep now, he would wake up really early again' because that was always running through my head at that time as well. 'Okay, I woke up at four this morning - if I go to sleep now, when I'm feeling really sleepy, but earlier than when I went to sleep last night, I'll wake up even earlier and then the cycle won't stop!'
M-21 raised an eyebrow at Regis, who huffed and turned away.
And again, I completely skipped over what they had played, because I had no idea what they would play, and maybe M-21 wasn't really paying attention. XDD
As he picked up a few empty packets of crisps, M-21 smirked. "I didn't think you'd be so disappointed by losing a game."
"I am not," was the curt reply.
"Oh? I saw the way your face fell when we won."
M-21 and Regis are in a room together; of course they're snarking at each other! XDD I was grinning all the time I was writing the entire exchange! So much fun!
The packets were dropped in the bin and M-21 mentally grimaced at the state the table was in: the dropped pieces of chocolate had already melted and some had smeared, leaving wide streaks while there were crumbs scattered from end to end, and they dusted the floor as well. That was only some of the things that M-21 could identify.
I actually had some difficulty with this part, because I had no idea what to dirty the table with that wasn't repetative. XDD I'm fairly sure I eventually cheated and went to the manhwa to steal what had actually been spilled all over the table.
Yeah, that that last line was a total cheat, because I couldn't think of anything else to add! XDD When in doubt, make the character have no idea either! Therefore it's no longer your fault!
"You were obviously affected by a meaningless victory that you began seeing things; I would not have done such a thing." Regis straightened a toppled juice carton and frowned when the contents swished inside.
There had been a reason why Regis was frowning. It wasn't because it was wasteful; I'm sure of that. I think it was because - hmm, I think it was because if he handled it wrong, it would go all over the table. XDD
"Or you were the one who was taken in by the game so much that you forgot yourself." M-21 swept some of the crumbs off the table into the bin, taking care to avoid the puddle of juice and anything else that could make a bigger mess.
lakdjfald All these descriptions of the food! I was so stuck! XDD
"Ha." Regis picked up a wrapper and tossed it in the bin. "So you're back to being your usual self then."
Of course Regis noticed; he would have seen Takeo and Tao shooting M-21 worried looks over his shoulder, and M-21 wouldn't have been standing as straight as he normally would. XDDD And the quip slipped out before he really realised what he was saying.
M-21 paused from picking up a tissue. What? "You were staring at me throughout the game." Of course he would act differently under that scrutiny, even if Regis had tried to hide it.
From Regis' twitch, he must have thought he hadn't noticed.
And M-21 noticed Regis staring at him when he was trying to hide it! XDD *snickers* I guess M-21 trusted Takeo and Tao to watch his back/they were too busy on the job to keep an eye on him, but he has to keep a certain appearance in front of Regis, aw.
Also, M-21 still isn't processing everything properly. XDD
The front door opened and M-21 lifted his head to see Takio and Tao enter. As soon as Tao saw him, a bright grin spread across his face.
I never did give the reason where Takeo and Tao had disappeared to - I think M-21 was glad that he didn't have to pretend to be okay when they went. I think they were making a plan of attack to make M-21 feel better. Or discussing it with Frankenstein, omg. XDDD
"You're not busy, are you?" Tao asked as he came up to them.
"No…" M-21 said warily, not sure what to think when Tao's grin widened. Cleaning was Regis' job primarily, so it wouldn't matter if he stopped.
"Great!" And then Tao loped an arm around M-21's shoulders and started to tug him towards the door.
I still don't know if I'm using 'loped' right - I'm fairly sure it's the right word, but I can never find the definition for it when I look.
The closest thing I could get to a hug in the fic! XDD I don't really know why Tao seems to be the most touchy person in my headcanon, but I think it's because he's so willing to do exaggerated movements and those movements are pretty flowing? That just seems to translate to 'touchy person' to me, because he's not trying to keep his limbs to himself. Plus, there's his exuberant personality as well. XDD Yeah, that's probably the bigger reason why I can easily see him as a touchy person.
M-21 was too startled by the sudden entry into his personal space that he didn't put up any resistance and allowed Tao to guide him along. "You've been here longer than me and Takio so you can show us around some of the more interesting places - Takio just got us lost trying to find a coffee shop."
I'd been doing a bit of writing for some of the older chapters as well at this point, and I'd noticed that another place the kids hung out were Noblesse Coffee, and that both Takeo and Tao had been there at some point, so they might have been trying to find the place to get coffee, or just brainstorming ideas to drag M-21 out. XD
*snerk* When someone takes you by surprise, you freeze, but M-21's too tired to do that. XDDD
Takio glared at Tao. "You couldn't find it either."
"Yeah, but you had been 'sure' were it was."
The pair continued to bicker as they left the house.
More bickering! I think I was worried at this part, because I didn't feel I was really being true to their characters - they were acting a little too childlike/not serious? Was so happy later on when we found out they are actually like this when they're alone. XDD
When they eventually returned home, the sky had been dark for some number of hours already. M-21, surprisingly, wasn't feeling that tired either, but that had been because trying to keep up with Takio and Tao required every bit of energy and attention at his disposal.
And then another skipped part! XDDD;;; Again, I thought it might pull away from the theme but that was just me overthinking things again. I haven't gotten that much further in the next chapter of Expenditure, boo. I think I got stuck? No, wait, I'd planned it out, but then I'd started writing something else, so that ended up on the page under it, so I actually couldn't write it. XD;;; Whoops. Should go find the plan and start writing - that notebook's on it's last pages. Though those last pages are saved for Trail. XDDD Yeah, these notebooks are pretty crowded.
I kinda wondered if it was right that M-21 would actually be more awake if he'd had to keep up with Takeo and Tao, because wouldn't that make him more tired? Except, yeah, he's being bombarded on all sides, answering their questions, keeping track of them, that he has to stay alert. XD Ah, poor him.
The lights were still on and Frankenstein was sitting on the couch, a cup of tea in front of him as he wrote on a piece of paper. He glanced up at the sound of the door closing and smiled when he saw them.
*snerk* Frankenstein always seems to be sitting on the couch, either with papers or a cup of tea in front of him in my fics.
"Welcome home," he greeted them warmly.
Ha. Pronoun trouble, as always. *facepalm*
Frankenstein waved towards the kitchen area, where a pot sat on top of the stove. "There's left over ramen, though the noodles will have grown considerably. Oh, and the dishes have been done already, so you don't have to worry about that."
Hee! Ramen must be mentioned! I was laughing when I wrote that line. And this shows just how much they worried about him - they did his chore! XDD
M-21 stared at him for a few seconds, and then glanced at Takio and Tao behind him. Everyone had been acting a little strangely today, but he'd put that down to him not being able to process anything properly.
And the realisation settles in, d'aw. I did like writing this bit. :3
"This is only for tonight though," Frankenstein warned, looking at him over his glasses.
Slowly, a small smile grew on M-21's face. "Of course." Shaking his head, M-21 went over to fill his stomach, Takio and Tao following after him.
Unless M-21 has another nightmare that night; then they'll do it again. ♥
That night, M-21 found his sleep to be a lot more restful.
And then we get to the title drop. :3 Thought it might have ruined the ending, but, well, my notes were 'For all the people who believe M-21 needs lots of hugs', so it was kinda obvious what was going to happen. XDD I felt weird having a one-sentence paragraph scene (especially as an ending), but I later didn't feel so bad about it when I reread Upgrade, because I did the same there as well. XDD
Overall, I felt a tiiiny bit bad making M-21 get dragged around by everyone, but it was worth the ending. X3 I also thought this would be like, 3k long or something, so when it came up to just past 1k, I was like, 'Huh... How'd that happen?'
So, yes, fic commentary of Restful for lucathia_rykatu!
...I have already written that word so many times it no longer looks like it's spelled correctly. XDD;;
But yeah, I'd...wow. I'd been writing a lot of Noblesse fic around about that time. XD;; I'd spent a lot of time talking with people because of them, and at some point I'd always end up saying something along the lines of 'I just want to give M-21 a hug!' and the other person would agree with me, so I decided to actually attempt to write a fic where M-21 got lots of hugs from everyone around him! \o/
Except, as soon as I started thinking about, M-21 just looked at me funny and refused to go near anyone. XD;;; So I settled with people treating him nice.
Also around this time, my sleep patterns had been acting up again, so decided to go from that angle - I had the perfect perspective to write from! No imagination had to go in - just write what the heck I was feeling right then and there! XDD
M-21 woke with a gasp caught behind clenched teeth, his heart racing, his blanket thrown to the side. He could still hear the doctors' detached assessment of him, M-24's last words, the children's screams. The moments he'd never wanted to live again, queued up back to back.
(Hm, this is all in italics in DW)
D: lskdjf So, if M-21 was having trouble sleeping, the best reason for that would be nightmares, right? This...did not take me long to think up (the examples). I'm fairly sure I switched the order of the list here. The children came first or something, but I think I changed it because I wanted it to be in chonological order, of course. XD;;
He took a shaky breath. And then another. His heartbeat roared in his ears, but the voices wouldn't stop. He could still feel the cold metal table he had lain on while being examined, the rough rock under his fingers and knees, his blood pooling around him from the holes in his chest. Hesitantly, M-21 brought a hand up to his chest, just to make sure. His fingers brushed against smooth skin; he released a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding.
This was, again, in a different order originally - I changed it so that the list matched up the previous examples. X3 I spent a bit of time trying to imagine the senses that he'd be feeling in those scenes.
M-21 reached over and switched his lamp on, flinching at the sudden change of light. It helped to make the dregs of memory recede faster as he stared at his bedroom walls. But not completely. They were still there, quietly replaying over and over in the back of his mind, and they sharpened into focus the second he stopped distracting himself.
Slowly, his heart began to settle down and the echoes faded further after that.
When he looked at his clock, M-21 sighed. Just after two.
He wasn't going to get back to sleep now, not if there was a chance he could have another repeat of the nightmares he'd just had.
M-21 tugged at his blanket so that it covered him again and prepared himself to stare at the ceiling for the next few hours.
I think I'd debated having M-21 going back to sleep again, but when I actually started writing it, yeeeeeah, he didn't want to. I'd also went back and forth over the time it was supposed to be when he woke up, because if it was too early, he might not have been that affected by the sudden awakening, and if it was too late, then he'd just get up anyway.
The lights were on when M-21 arrived home after work, and he could hear the children as soon as he opened the door. He hid a wince, adjusting his grip on his jacket. He hadn't fallen asleep again, but that meant he'd felt lightheaded before he'd even started getting ready for work. His balance had also been distinctly off, but eating breakfast had helped a little bit. Eventually, the lightheadedness left over the course of the day, but he still wanted to go straight to bed and hopefully regain the sleep he'd missed.
Haha, completely skipped the day! XDD I'd wanted to write M-21 wandering around the school, but even before I'd attempted it, I knew it would have made the fic very, very long. XD Not to mention, it would have taken away from the theme of making M-21 feel better. Though, now that I'm thinking about it, I guess it could have been used to showcase just how badly M-21 was affected. X3
Yeah, this part was done in seconds, because I just drew it from personal experience. XDD
No-one had realised that he hadn't been at his best at least.
Ha. You think so, M-21? XDD You're constantly in the company of two people who have very sharp eyes, and then there's Frankenstein and Rai. *snerrrrrk* I do love putting in dramatic irony in fics. X3
When he stepped into the dining room, however, there was a loud cheer around the table, all the children's attention on him.
"Awesome! We have another player!"
"That means our teams are equal now!"
"Pfft. It doesn't matter - you're still going to lose."
"Heh. We'll see."
Haaahaha! The kids instantly notice him and drag him into playing a game. I'd actually made three lists: one of all the kids, to make sure I didn't miss anyone out, and then the two sides, making sure M-21 and Regis were on opposite sides. XDD
I'd tried to make the dialogue distinctive, so you could hopefully guess who was talking, but I think I failed. I remember that it was Ik-han and Shinwoo who were the 'team captains' and it was definitely them two who were talking at the end. And I'm fairly sure it's Shinwoo who cheered first, since there's 'Awesome'. X3
Seeing their grinning faces, M-21 pushed his previous thoughts to the side and walked towards them, resigned to his fate. He wouldn't be able to sleep while they were playing anyway.
I think there was going to be a thought of something along the lines of, 'if he tried to sleep now, he would wake up really early again' because that was always running through my head at that time as well. 'Okay, I woke up at four this morning - if I go to sleep now, when I'm feeling really sleepy, but earlier than when I went to sleep last night, I'll wake up even earlier and then the cycle won't stop!'
M-21 raised an eyebrow at Regis, who huffed and turned away.
And again, I completely skipped over what they had played, because I had no idea what they would play, and maybe M-21 wasn't really paying attention. XDD
As he picked up a few empty packets of crisps, M-21 smirked. "I didn't think you'd be so disappointed by losing a game."
"I am not," was the curt reply.
"Oh? I saw the way your face fell when we won."
M-21 and Regis are in a room together; of course they're snarking at each other! XDD I was grinning all the time I was writing the entire exchange! So much fun!
The packets were dropped in the bin and M-21 mentally grimaced at the state the table was in: the dropped pieces of chocolate had already melted and some had smeared, leaving wide streaks while there were crumbs scattered from end to end, and they dusted the floor as well. That was only some of the things that M-21 could identify.
I actually had some difficulty with this part, because I had no idea what to dirty the table with that wasn't repetative. XDD I'm fairly sure I eventually cheated and went to the manhwa to steal what had actually been spilled all over the table.
Yeah, that that last line was a total cheat, because I couldn't think of anything else to add! XDD When in doubt, make the character have no idea either! Therefore it's no longer your fault!
"You were obviously affected by a meaningless victory that you began seeing things; I would not have done such a thing." Regis straightened a toppled juice carton and frowned when the contents swished inside.
There had been a reason why Regis was frowning. It wasn't because it was wasteful; I'm sure of that. I think it was because - hmm, I think it was because if he handled it wrong, it would go all over the table. XDD
"Or you were the one who was taken in by the game so much that you forgot yourself." M-21 swept some of the crumbs off the table into the bin, taking care to avoid the puddle of juice and anything else that could make a bigger mess.
lakdjfald All these descriptions of the food! I was so stuck! XDD
"Ha." Regis picked up a wrapper and tossed it in the bin. "So you're back to being your usual self then."
Of course Regis noticed; he would have seen Takeo and Tao shooting M-21 worried looks over his shoulder, and M-21 wouldn't have been standing as straight as he normally would. XDDD And the quip slipped out before he really realised what he was saying.
M-21 paused from picking up a tissue. What? "You were staring at me throughout the game." Of course he would act differently under that scrutiny, even if Regis had tried to hide it.
From Regis' twitch, he must have thought he hadn't noticed.
And M-21 noticed Regis staring at him when he was trying to hide it! XDD *snickers* I guess M-21 trusted Takeo and Tao to watch his back/they were too busy on the job to keep an eye on him, but he has to keep a certain appearance in front of Regis, aw.
Also, M-21 still isn't processing everything properly. XDD
The front door opened and M-21 lifted his head to see Takio and Tao enter. As soon as Tao saw him, a bright grin spread across his face.
I never did give the reason where Takeo and Tao had disappeared to - I think M-21 was glad that he didn't have to pretend to be okay when they went. I think they were making a plan of attack to make M-21 feel better. Or discussing it with Frankenstein, omg. XDDD
"You're not busy, are you?" Tao asked as he came up to them.
"No…" M-21 said warily, not sure what to think when Tao's grin widened. Cleaning was Regis' job primarily, so it wouldn't matter if he stopped.
"Great!" And then Tao loped an arm around M-21's shoulders and started to tug him towards the door.
I still don't know if I'm using 'loped' right - I'm fairly sure it's the right word, but I can never find the definition for it when I look.
The closest thing I could get to a hug in the fic! XDD I don't really know why Tao seems to be the most touchy person in my headcanon, but I think it's because he's so willing to do exaggerated movements and those movements are pretty flowing? That just seems to translate to 'touchy person' to me, because he's not trying to keep his limbs to himself. Plus, there's his exuberant personality as well. XDD Yeah, that's probably the bigger reason why I can easily see him as a touchy person.
M-21 was too startled by the sudden entry into his personal space that he didn't put up any resistance and allowed Tao to guide him along. "You've been here longer than me and Takio so you can show us around some of the more interesting places - Takio just got us lost trying to find a coffee shop."
I'd been doing a bit of writing for some of the older chapters as well at this point, and I'd noticed that another place the kids hung out were Noblesse Coffee, and that both Takeo and Tao had been there at some point, so they might have been trying to find the place to get coffee, or just brainstorming ideas to drag M-21 out. XD
*snerk* When someone takes you by surprise, you freeze, but M-21's too tired to do that. XDDD
Takio glared at Tao. "You couldn't find it either."
"Yeah, but you had been 'sure' were it was."
The pair continued to bicker as they left the house.
More bickering! I think I was worried at this part, because I didn't feel I was really being true to their characters - they were acting a little too childlike/not serious? Was so happy later on when we found out they are actually like this when they're alone. XDD
When they eventually returned home, the sky had been dark for some number of hours already. M-21, surprisingly, wasn't feeling that tired either, but that had been because trying to keep up with Takio and Tao required every bit of energy and attention at his disposal.
And then another skipped part! XDDD;;; Again, I thought it might pull away from the theme but that was just me overthinking things again. I haven't gotten that much further in the next chapter of Expenditure, boo. I think I got stuck? No, wait, I'd planned it out, but then I'd started writing something else, so that ended up on the page under it, so I actually couldn't write it. XD;;; Whoops. Should go find the plan and start writing - that notebook's on it's last pages. Though those last pages are saved for Trail. XDDD Yeah, these notebooks are pretty crowded.
I kinda wondered if it was right that M-21 would actually be more awake if he'd had to keep up with Takeo and Tao, because wouldn't that make him more tired? Except, yeah, he's being bombarded on all sides, answering their questions, keeping track of them, that he has to stay alert. XD Ah, poor him.
The lights were still on and Frankenstein was sitting on the couch, a cup of tea in front of him as he wrote on a piece of paper. He glanced up at the sound of the door closing and smiled when he saw them.
*snerk* Frankenstein always seems to be sitting on the couch, either with papers or a cup of tea in front of him in my fics.
"Welcome home," he greeted them warmly.
Ha. Pronoun trouble, as always. *facepalm*
Frankenstein waved towards the kitchen area, where a pot sat on top of the stove. "There's left over ramen, though the noodles will have grown considerably. Oh, and the dishes have been done already, so you don't have to worry about that."
Hee! Ramen must be mentioned! I was laughing when I wrote that line. And this shows just how much they worried about him - they did his chore! XDD
M-21 stared at him for a few seconds, and then glanced at Takio and Tao behind him. Everyone had been acting a little strangely today, but he'd put that down to him not being able to process anything properly.
And the realisation settles in, d'aw. I did like writing this bit. :3
"This is only for tonight though," Frankenstein warned, looking at him over his glasses.
Slowly, a small smile grew on M-21's face. "Of course." Shaking his head, M-21 went over to fill his stomach, Takio and Tao following after him.
Unless M-21 has another nightmare that night; then they'll do it again. ♥
That night, M-21 found his sleep to be a lot more restful.
And then we get to the title drop. :3 Thought it might have ruined the ending, but, well, my notes were 'For all the people who believe M-21 needs lots of hugs', so it was kinda obvious what was going to happen. XDD I felt weird having a one-sentence paragraph scene (especially as an ending), but I later didn't feel so bad about it when I reread Upgrade, because I did the same there as well. XDD
Overall, I felt a tiiiny bit bad making M-21 get dragged around by everyone, but it was worth the ending. X3 I also thought this would be like, 3k long or something, so when it came up to just past 1k, I was like, 'Huh... How'd that happen?'