???
I hurt so much inside right now. I don't know how to handle it. I slept most of the day away, but I still want to go back to sleep... it's so peaceful. I have to go to work in a few hours and I think that could be a good thing... I don't want to be alone right now. I wish this feeling would go away. I wish my feelings would be somewhat more stable. I got really angry yesterday, the day before that I got really anxious, and today I feel weird... doomed almost. My mind keeps wandering back to the past. I guess mostly with my ex, and I think it makes me uncomfortable in my current relationship, like its doomed too. I'm worried about the future. I want to have a happy life. I want to feel excited about life. I don't know what to do. Maybe it has something to do with the rain... I love the rain, but it's so bittersweet like most things in my life. How can something that makes me happy make me feel so sad and empty and lonely at the same time? I hate my ex for having hurt me in so many ways, I hate that a lot of the people so close to me have used me and betrayed my trust, I hate how no matter how hard I try I can't just stay happy, I hate that I missed out on so many years of my life because of my depression, I hate that I feel trapped now, and I hate that my outlook for the future is so grim. I don't honestly see me having a future... I can't imagine it. I don't think I can cope with my depression and mood swings anymore, maybe with some meds or something... I don't know.Maybe I need closure or something. I don't know what I need... I think I'm going to try to go back to sleep until I have to get ready for work... maybe I'll feel better then.