(no subject)
On Friday evening I had an anxiety attack. I haven't had one in over two years and I thought I was done with them after the 7 month long nightmare in 2009. It was caused by a number of factors. Some on my behalf and some not. But what it all boils down to in the end is my own insecurity and essentially my unhappiness with myself. I keep telling myself to make the necessary changes but they never happen. Being specific it's (obviously) my weight. I'm still gobsmacked that I haven't been able to lose the 60lbs I put on in 2008. That's 3 fucking years. 3!! It effects almost every part of life but I'm just so used to it now. I'm used to being this size. I don't hate myself in pity, I'm just disappointed. And even now I can proclaim I will do what is necessary to get healthy again but I just don't know why I haven't carried out these promises to myself.
The anxiety itself was bad. I'm still 'recovering' if that's the proper term. Navi couldn't understand on Friday which makes it all the more difficult. She still doesn't. And possibly never will but honestly I'm thankful for that because this can suck so so much. And after 2 years of no sign of it too. It really just took me by surprise. Anyways, the last few days have been okay. I'm still not 100% but Navi is doing what she can to help which makes a big difference.
I hope I'm back to being fine in the next day or two. This lingering over the Christmas break would be no good.
The anxiety itself was bad. I'm still 'recovering' if that's the proper term. Navi couldn't understand on Friday which makes it all the more difficult. She still doesn't. And possibly never will but honestly I'm thankful for that because this can suck so so much. And after 2 years of no sign of it too. It really just took me by surprise. Anyways, the last few days have been okay. I'm still not 100% but Navi is doing what she can to help which makes a big difference.
I hope I'm back to being fine in the next day or two. This lingering over the Christmas break would be no good.