(no subject)
She'll remember the bit of awkwardness that was in the air when she came through the door. But she'll forget how nice it was to make dinner together. The bit of fun we had as we joked around making the bed. Sharing ice-cream while watching a movie. How even with the slightest show of a tight shoulder I'll rub it for her.
And it's this that kills me.
Navi & I came very close to breaking up at Christmas. We decided to give it one more go. The first 3 weeks of January were amazing. We couldn't believe we could feel this good after so many months, even years. Gradually the feeling went away again. Before we often argued too much. Where as this time it feels like we have come apart. Every single issue is wrapped in baggage. Intimacy is such an issue that we're happier to just not even kiss.
We think differently. In most ways that's okay but in the place where it is not, is causes issues. I tend to find it easy to forget the negatives and remember the positives in life and she seems to do the opposite. And it ends up feeling like nothing is ever good enough for her. Even after changes are made she wont realise this, and will bring things up that haven't happened in the better part of a year as if they happened in the past week.
She'll tell me that things feel good. But then when they don't feel good she'll say she never felt good in the first place.
I don't know what's going to happen today, or this week.
I am scared. I feel horrible. This is me trying to reach out for a shoulder.
And it's this that kills me.
Navi & I came very close to breaking up at Christmas. We decided to give it one more go. The first 3 weeks of January were amazing. We couldn't believe we could feel this good after so many months, even years. Gradually the feeling went away again. Before we often argued too much. Where as this time it feels like we have come apart. Every single issue is wrapped in baggage. Intimacy is such an issue that we're happier to just not even kiss.
We think differently. In most ways that's okay but in the place where it is not, is causes issues. I tend to find it easy to forget the negatives and remember the positives in life and she seems to do the opposite. And it ends up feeling like nothing is ever good enough for her. Even after changes are made she wont realise this, and will bring things up that haven't happened in the better part of a year as if they happened in the past week.
She'll tell me that things feel good. But then when they don't feel good she'll say she never felt good in the first place.
I don't know what's going to happen today, or this week.
I am scared. I feel horrible. This is me trying to reach out for a shoulder.