Goblin Market...
Boy what a night, market is an amazing place. It was down right overwhelming, but I got some badass stuff for my car and a Spider Man #12. My car parts came from a demon, and they were made in hell. goddamn is my Chevy gonna roxxors! But I'm bothered by several things. Emma is definitely my friend, but I'm worried about her and Rusty, too much darkness is interested in them. And I promised Emma that no one would get her soul, that the cabal wouldn't let anything have it. And Annorax is becoming sullen, I think its because he felt bullied, but he doesn't get that we didn't want anything to happen to his STUPID ASS. Its nice to not be important to the grand scheme of the tapestry and all, but I don't like that my friends, my cabal are in danger and that I very much doubt that I can do anything about it. So much to do this week...taking Emma shopping...get with Rusty and put the parts on the Chevy. Help Else with the steps in magick she wants to take, and learn the steps I want to learn as well, so much to do, not enough time well yet anyway.
Annorax keeps implying that who I was, was better. I hate that. Everytime I start to think I'm settling myself into an identity, something else happens and I find myself doubting it. Else is doing a great job keeping the cabal together, and since no one else wants the job its good to see someone doing it. And I honestly would rather follow Else than anyone I know. I keep finding myself thinking about Emma...damn it. And I keep finding out stuff about myself, the Fire Djinn told me what happened and I know now that I am the only person left in this head. That was such a relief to find out, and to know that I may have been nuts and wanting to hurt people but in the end I did the thing to protect my cabal.
Part of me wishes I remembered certain things, but its like I was telling Emma tonight, I take very little for granted in my life. Nothing is trival to me, because everytime I do something, or meet someone its always a new experience for me. I get to re-live learning my cabal, creating old relationships again, get in touch with things in a new way, and thats cool in ways few poets could truly express.
Its like Red explained to me. Hollowers, we're not angst. We're romantics, and my life is a great expression of that. I live to my life as any great romantic. I live like tommorow won't be there, I belong to a heroic group out to keep the world from being destroyed on its way into the first age. Against insurmountable odds, facing the gravest of evil. There's a part of me, that thinks that its great, and another is terrorified of failing, but whats funny is that even failing is part of the notion of being Hollower. Funny really.
While I get a kick out of Emma calling me 'Manwhore' part of me is really ashamed of it too. I wish I understood that part of Green, was he trying to wrap the comfort of others around himself? Make things hurt less? Did he put too much expectations on himself? I know I've spent weeks hating who I was, but now all I feel is pity, maybe he knew that it was the only way. I'm curious though about something Rusty said about knowing my metaphysical father. Do I want to know? How much of who I was and what I became came from all the things I found out about myself? Questions. Always questions...and somehow I know they are important, but too they are the past. What is the future? The next age I imagine...okay babbling now. Much to do, got to go see Doctor Kitner tommorow and see about getting 'Squala' made and try to innoculate the city against the Chulvora.
Never a dull moment here...
All I can think about is White hair...ARG.
Annorax keeps implying that who I was, was better. I hate that. Everytime I start to think I'm settling myself into an identity, something else happens and I find myself doubting it. Else is doing a great job keeping the cabal together, and since no one else wants the job its good to see someone doing it. And I honestly would rather follow Else than anyone I know. I keep finding myself thinking about Emma...damn it. And I keep finding out stuff about myself, the Fire Djinn told me what happened and I know now that I am the only person left in this head. That was such a relief to find out, and to know that I may have been nuts and wanting to hurt people but in the end I did the thing to protect my cabal.
Part of me wishes I remembered certain things, but its like I was telling Emma tonight, I take very little for granted in my life. Nothing is trival to me, because everytime I do something, or meet someone its always a new experience for me. I get to re-live learning my cabal, creating old relationships again, get in touch with things in a new way, and thats cool in ways few poets could truly express.
Its like Red explained to me. Hollowers, we're not angst. We're romantics, and my life is a great expression of that. I live to my life as any great romantic. I live like tommorow won't be there, I belong to a heroic group out to keep the world from being destroyed on its way into the first age. Against insurmountable odds, facing the gravest of evil. There's a part of me, that thinks that its great, and another is terrorified of failing, but whats funny is that even failing is part of the notion of being Hollower. Funny really.
While I get a kick out of Emma calling me 'Manwhore' part of me is really ashamed of it too. I wish I understood that part of Green, was he trying to wrap the comfort of others around himself? Make things hurt less? Did he put too much expectations on himself? I know I've spent weeks hating who I was, but now all I feel is pity, maybe he knew that it was the only way. I'm curious though about something Rusty said about knowing my metaphysical father. Do I want to know? How much of who I was and what I became came from all the things I found out about myself? Questions. Always questions...and somehow I know they are important, but too they are the past. What is the future? The next age I imagine...okay babbling now. Much to do, got to go see Doctor Kitner tommorow and see about getting 'Squala' made and try to innoculate the city against the Chulvora.
Never a dull moment here...
All I can think about is White hair...ARG.