030: in my heart, it's the five of us. [1/??]
So, umm. This is a new fic. Sort of.
YES, I KNOW I HAVEN'T FINISHED DYKTHOM YET. A-And I still have drabble requests to finish ahhhhhhhh ;;;; But-- this is something I started about a year ago and I never had enough heart, inspiration, or foreknowledge to pick up again. As of now, there's planned to be at least 10 chapters to this, but...
--Yeah. I'll just stop babbling now and let you read it. A-And thank you in advance for reading this at all, for that matter~ m(___)m;;
[1: ’cause I know you can feel me somehow.]
Changmin slammed his palms down on the coffee table, standing abruptly.
"What the hell," he managed to gasp out at last, "are you trying to pull here?"
Junsu, sitting to Changmin's left, trembled a bit and pulled his sweatshirt a bit closer into himself. Yunho draws in a shaky breath, leaving Yoochun's side for Changmin to try and reach out and comfort the youngest - only to find his hands shoved roughly aside. Yoochun returned to Junsu's side, kneeling down to give the shivering low tenor a small hug and allowing Junsu to sink into the crook of his arm.
And Jaejoong, the one Changmin was addressing, sat as still as a statue on the couch, his head bowed.
"I'm not asking you to understand this." The eldest didn't even lift his chin to speak, voice devoid of its usual spark. "Just...hear me out, please? We're doing this for-"
"-For what? What are you doing this for, hyung? The group?" Changmin's tone raised a decibel with every rising syllable, and it was all Yunho could do (murmured assurances and a tight grip on the taller male's arm) to keep Changmin from rounding in on Jaejoong. "Bullshit. The fans aren't going to believe that, and I'm sure as hell not-!"
"Changminnie." Junsu's cadence was imploring, pleading. "Please, just hear what Jaejoongi-"
"You'd risk this for a -feeling-, Junsu? A FEELING? Is that what you want me to listen to?" Shaking his head again and again, Changmin began to move towards Junsu before Yunho could stop him. "What if we're-if you're wrong, then, huh? What if you're wrong?!"
The vice-grip on his wrist tightened, but Changmin only sent Yunho a hard glare, trying to wrench away as he continued to whittle at Junsu's earlier argument. After at last escaping Yunho's grasp, Changmin dropped to the floor and yanked Junsu up by the collar; Yoochun, frozen to the spot, watched with wide eyes as moisture began spilling from Changmin's frightful and enraged gaze.
He had never seen the maknae like this, not even on the night of the MKMF 2008 Awards, wrought by emotion of an entirely different kind and struggling to hold back his tears and his doubts and fears, all at once rambling and pouring his heart out to the others crowded around him and embracing him-Changmin, the sensitive boy at heart, their Changmin-willing to protect his vulnerable spirit from the rest of the world if it came to that.
They would protect each other from the rest of the world, if it came to that.
And that was why they were having this discussion now: because Jaejoong, Junsu, and Yoochun had gone through a copy of their contract and discovered some things that would most surely put them all at risk. Of course, they wouldn't just stand by and do nothing.
That was impossible, because they cared too much.
"We've gotten so far, done so much...and you're willing to risk that, to throw it all away!? YAH!" Even Yunho stepped back so Changmin could continue to voice his objections, sitting down on the couch beside Jaejoong to be on eyelevel with the older male. "Do you realize what going up against SM means? Did it ever occur to you that you could lose?!”
“You could fail-all of you!" He whirled around to Jaejoong, who flinched to see the reproachful look in Changmin's eyes. "Would you be able to live up to what might happen if they fight back?! They could-!"
"-They could force us to disband." Jaejoong swallowed, slender shoulders shaking, throat working to sum up the courage to speak. Yunho moved to stand, expression torn between sympathy and disbelief at the very thought of such a possibility, and moved towards the eldest struggling to regain composure, knowing Jaejoong wouldn't pull away from him. "We-I know that." Then, a touch quieter, "Believe me, Changmin-ah, I don't want that, either."
"Then what were you thinking?" Changmin's grip on Junsu's collar was hard enough to make his knuckles turn white. "Were you trying to be someone's hero," he spat, making obvious reference to the older man's international name (the name he feared would be no more if they continued like this), "or were you just not thinking?"
Much to Yunho's surprise, Jaejoong took in a shuddering inhale, sending a brief glance in Yunho's direction and offering a wan smile. Clearly, he had found the words to say now.
Whether those words would turn Changmin over to his side was still in the air. But Yunho knew Jaejoong all too well. It didn't matter if Changmin agreed with his proposal or not. Jaejoong would still go through with it. Yunho retracted his arm wrapped around Jaejoong's waist, allowing him to walk forward toward Changmin.
With the back collar of Jaejoong's shirt so low, he could see the tops of the letters TVXQ SOUL peeking out from beneath the beige fabric.
"I didn't think you'd approve." Jaejoong let the palm of his hand rest on the denim-clad surface of Changmin's knees, unmoving; Changmin didn't blink, unwavering stare never leaving Jaejoong's face. "But I was hoping you'd at least understand. And give us your trust."
Changmin scrambled to his feet, dark eyes glimmering with unshed emotion as he turned on his heel for the door leading out to the hallway. Junsu slumped into Yoochun's open arms with a choked sob. Jaejoong bit down on his lower lip, hard enough to almost draw blood. Yunho felt his heart sink.
"I trust you, hyung." Changmin didn't look back at any of them-couldn't look back at any of them-but they saw the telltale quiver to Changmin's tightly clenched fists and knew he was struggling to hold it all back: apologies, misgivings, cold stinging tears. "But I can't put my trust in what you're doing."
Not like this. The unspoken sentiment was obvious. Not when you and Yoochun and Junsu are willing to risk this much.
When the door slammed shut, ringing and echoing in the deafening silence of their Saipan hotel suite, it sounded too much finality for Jaejoong to hold back his tears any longer.
[ Chapter 2 ]