029: & you belong with me.
For dongbangsuju20, my sweet Belial, who's birthday was today & who asked me for a fluffy Mika/Jay piece...and since I really have a soft-spot for Jay though Karam is slowly working his way up on my bias list too OTL ...I wrote this for her. :)
Bby, you can consider this a sort-of sequel to don't call it puppy love -- because I wrote the last part with the mindset that it continues where the other fic left off? ;w; OHH-- and I sort of used this song for inspiration...so if you want to listen to it while reading...that might be......yeah... ;;;;;
Anyway, I really hope you like this! *^^* Happy Birthday to you once again, darling~ I love you~~ ♥
& you belong with me.
The first time Jihwan saw Suhoon, his mind was a mess.
Outside, he was all put together - the perfect balance of youthful spunk and enlightened spark - but no one would guess that he was such a mess on the inside. Jinhwan knew he played the simpleton a little too well, so it was easy to fool the rest of the world and pretend that he was.
That was before he met Suhoon, though.
Because one look from Suhoon could make Jihwan’s scattered thoughts about beauty dissolve in an instant, reformed by the sharp angles of Suhoon’s face and the quiet passion in those impossibly dark eyes.
Because one smile from Suhoon could make Jihwan’s fragmented thoughts about honesty peel away like old paint in the back of his mind, replaced instead with the hidden glow to Suhoon’s gaze and all the colors and hues of the older man’s voice.
Because one word from Suhoon could sent Jihwan’s thoughts flying - up, up, up - until he realized his breath had flown away with them somehow, and the realization alone sent his heart aflutter at the reality of what was in front of him.
(Jihwan didn’t realize then that he was falling in love - but the way his mind and his heart felt like it was all coming together so perfectly told him that he was moving toward something good.)
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Jihwan never realized he was so weak before he met Suhoon.
His mind was always filled up with all sorts of things, and his heart was like a battleground - left with bruises and scars after constantly warring with his head over the smallest of things - waiting to be marched on and torn apart again by some force unknown.
But he never realized that love would do the exact opposite for him.
Because the way Suhoon treated him made Jihwan realize just how much a small hug or a gentle squeeze to his shoulders could energize him completely and make him ready to take on the world.
Because the way Suhoon held his pride close made Jihwan realize just how much he wanted to be like the leader, standing tall in the face of adversity and making even the simplest of motion elegant.
Because every time Suhoon spoke his name, Jihwan realized he was falling fast - almost too fast for him to rearrange his mind and heart around the idea of it - and there was nothing he wanted more than for Suhoon to fall with him.
(Jihwan hoped that his prayers every night would be answered - that Suhoon felt the same way as he did - and he hoped that he could always feel this alive from now until forever.)
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Of course, Jihwan never saw it coming.
He always thought it would turn out differently than this (while Suhoon was healthy, while they were both more awake, while they were doing something separate from the other members but still together) but he tried not to get his hopes up too much so that he wouldn’t end up disappointed in the end.
Then again, Suhoon always liked surprising him.
Then again, Jihwan couldn’t complain - not when his tired eyes refused to open and his face was burrowed in Suhoon’s shirt collar and he felt the older boy’s arms wrap around his waist just a little bit tighter, as if he couldn’t stand to let the younger one go.
Then again, Jihwan couldn’t complain - not when Suhoon pinched his cheeks until his eyes snapped open and, at his tired groan of protest, the older boy laughed with his mouth wide open in such an unrestrained way that it made Jihwan smile, his laughter joining Suhoon’s in discordant harmony on that bright Sunday morning.
Then again, Jihwan couldn’t complain - not when this was thanks enough for taking care of Suhoon when he wasn’t feeling well the day before, not when appreciation was laced in the warmth of Suhoon’s fingers pressed into his palm.
“Mmmm, morning,” Jihwan drawled with a slight grin, one arm hanging off of Suhoon’s bed and the other playing with the chain necklace around Suhoon’s neck. “So…feeling any better today?”
“Much better,” Suhoon smiled, ruffling the maknae’s hair and pulling him back under the covers in a tight hug. “I heard you banging around in the kitchen last night. Couldn’t wait until Hyunchul-ah and the others got home?”
“I was hungry!” At his plaintive whine, Suhoon chuckled and ruffled his hair some more. “Besides, Hyunchul’s such a slow cook...I’d starve before he finally came back and made something for us!” Jihwan pouted, not really irritated at all but making a great show at appearing to be. “Besides, I wanted to make something for you too…”
“You’ve done enough for me,” Suhoon told him, letting Jihwan adjust the blanket to sit more comfortably around both of them. “Believe me, you’ve done more than your share.”
(He certainly hoped so, but Jihwan never really felt like he did enough for Suhoon - even when he was giving his heart away to the older boy without even meaning to.)
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Of course, Jihwan never saw it coming.
It would’ve been a lie to say he felt nothing at all when, suddenly, Suhoon’s face drew ever closer (actually, his heart was beating so fast he was almost sure he’d drop dead any second), fingers entwined and their breaths catching when their eyes met in brief, unspoken apprehension over what they were centimeters away from.
It would’ve been a lie to say he knew what he was thinking the moment their lips touched (actually, his mind was a complete blank at that point, too stunned to even formulate a cohesive thought), mouth falling open in half-shock when Suhoon pulled away far too quickly and rubbed at his lips - those soft, full, perfect lips that had just been pressed against Jihwan’s seconds before - with a guilty look in his eyes.
It would’ve been a lie to say he knew what he was doing when he reached out to cradle Suhoon’s face in his hands (don’t be sorry; I like you, too, stupid; you’re worse than me when it comes to this stuff, honestly), the countless words of reassurance he had planned on the tip of his tongue dying instantly as he leaned forward to kiss Suhoon - eyes falling shut, hands leaving Suhoon’s cheeks to slip under the covers until the older boy was arching into his touch with a shuddering sigh - and all his thoughts coming right back together the moment he felt Suhoon kiss him back.
(And finally, finally, Jihwan realized what falling in love was to his messy, selfish, weak-hearted self: it made him feel fulfilled, alive, and - most of all - it made him feel completely and utterly whole.)