for some reason, i'm watching football.
i'm grossing myself out.
this weekend was just a flashback to the person i don't want to be anymore.
that's not to say I didn't have fun, but it is to say that I just can't do this this year. and I'm on the fast track.
first off, being on medication has really done a lot for my self-image. I was telling caitrin yesterday that it's not even that i feel better or whatever, but what i actually see in the mirror is different. i guess i just never really realized how significant my body dysmorphia was until now, when I'm actually seeing what i really do look like.
it just amazes me, because in high school, i was 30 pounds lighter, and what i saw in the mirror was bigger than what I see now.
and for the first time in my life, I haven't been exercising AT ALL. My legs literally ache.
but this weekend, i drank way too much, slept way too little, ate dominoes at 3 am, and just lost sight of everything that I want to be.
i had been doing great, so great, felt like i was on top of my life, and now i'm back to that familiar, hungover, exhausted state.
friday night, i got into a drunken discussion with Mike after I was being territorial and dramatic.
saturday night was a really good pit orchestra pregame, despite the small turnout. i'm predicting it'll be a pretty good year for us, filled with some good parties.
but I don't have to get shitfaced every time!! jeesh.
pro football is pretty impressive.
ok, i'm tired, and i need to plan out my week.
this weekend was just a flashback to the person i don't want to be anymore.
that's not to say I didn't have fun, but it is to say that I just can't do this this year. and I'm on the fast track.
first off, being on medication has really done a lot for my self-image. I was telling caitrin yesterday that it's not even that i feel better or whatever, but what i actually see in the mirror is different. i guess i just never really realized how significant my body dysmorphia was until now, when I'm actually seeing what i really do look like.
it just amazes me, because in high school, i was 30 pounds lighter, and what i saw in the mirror was bigger than what I see now.
and for the first time in my life, I haven't been exercising AT ALL. My legs literally ache.
but this weekend, i drank way too much, slept way too little, ate dominoes at 3 am, and just lost sight of everything that I want to be.
i had been doing great, so great, felt like i was on top of my life, and now i'm back to that familiar, hungover, exhausted state.
friday night, i got into a drunken discussion with Mike after I was being territorial and dramatic.
saturday night was a really good pit orchestra pregame, despite the small turnout. i'm predicting it'll be a pretty good year for us, filled with some good parties.
but I don't have to get shitfaced every time!! jeesh.
pro football is pretty impressive.
ok, i'm tired, and i need to plan out my week.