Nov 1, Jan 5thish, call me.
I want you to know, that I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both
An older version of me shes an older version of the immature dumbass I USED TO BE
Is she perverted like me
Would she go down on you in a theatre
Does she speak eloquently shes got to be the dumbest person I know
And would she have your baby you seem to be dying to have a child... it'll be a crack baby
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother hahaha
Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, till you died
But you're still alive we both know that I put up with more of your bullshit then anyone else will ever do
And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away Do you even know how long I was in the hospital?, or how hurt I really was?, do you know how hard it was for me to actually do the right thing?
It's not fair to deny me we both know whats up
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me do you even get it?
You, you, you oughta know
You seem very well, things look peaceful
I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know you fucked my life up
Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
Are you thinking of me when you fuck her
Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, til you died
But you're still alive
And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know
Cause the joke that you laid on the bed that was me
And I'm not gonna fade
As soon as you close your eyes and you know it
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it I wish I could hurt you like you hurt me
And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know
Sooo It's been a month and 2 days since the whole Zack thing; Our trial is on wednesday. I dont know what I'm going to do when I see him, if I'm really prepared, or why this whole thing is even going on. Its so stupid and annoying. I do HAVE to say that I adsolutely catered to him and if that whole night never happened I'd PROBABLY still be catering to him... I DO miss the fun times we did have and our 'clique'. But I hate what happened to me once I met him, and how my life seemed to have crumbled to shit once we started to not get along anymore. I wish everything was OK again, and I wish ths never happened. On the other hand, the whole ngiht completely changed me... I havent touched any alcohol since Nov 1, nor have I even been tempted to touch any sort of drug. Alcohol alone changes people dramaticly, the whole incident never would have happened if he wasnt drunk. And the drugs only made him more and more pathetic each and every day. I went through so much, and put up with so much while I was with him... the 2 worst nights of my life "the yaght night" (we dont talk about that... but BASICALLY he left me on a yaught w/ 3 old men... you get it?), and then NOV 1. I could never be with him again, but I just dont know what I'll do when I actually see him.
Why is it that I always stay w/ the assholes? THAT asshole was just a little too much for me.
Keith was perfect to me... but the distance did SUCK. I wonder what would have came of it if we lived closer... honestly I bet we'd be together to this day and the zack thing would have enver happened. I fuckin hate zack, more then I've ever hated anyone in my life, and thats reallllly sad because I thought so highly of him.
So The Date Is Set...
January 5 OR Jan 7th I'm leaving. I know everyones going to think I'm pretty fucking stupid for actually doing it... but what am I supposed to do. I offically lost almost everything I have in MA... and in PA I could be making a lot of money, already have a nice apt., and theres actually a game plan (we have my life planned out for a while, but in MA I dont know what I have to do for the next day). I was told all I need is Myself and my Passport. Jan-Febuary I'm working w/ Jade... it'll be fuckin great... I love her. March-April is the tour w. Twiztid. and Then I BELIEVE we MIGHT be going to Birmingham (w/ V-Ice), and after that maybe back to Japan... who knows. But the game plan is definitly set down in PA and not here. Plus to come back to visit a plane ticket round trip is only $60 (less then half of what I'll make in a night), So Im going to be coming back to visit all the time.
There IS a lot I want to do before I leave in a month though.... I want to see people I havent seen in a while (Shane, Trick, Keith, Kayla, Sami, Meghan Sargent, Laura Nimblett, ect...) BUT since my phone was stole and I got my new one I have NO ONE'S numbers... sooo people if you see this PLEASE call me so we can make plans... I love you :) I have the same number.
ok well, I have to go get ready for the hockey game! GO BLACKHAWKS :)