The Chronociles of disaffection and heartbreak part 3: the history of mydeath warrant.
Yesterday, I go to my old elementary school, Overlook to play basketball. After an hour, I remember exactly what I said to myself in the summer of 2000 when I was there when my mom worked there one day and I was by myself walking and thinking to myself about what high school was going to be all about. Now, what does this have to do with the history of my death warrant? Everything. You see that day I told myself "No matter the circumstance, don't you ever fall in love cause it'll only kill you tim. Unlike every other fuck in this world, you have to work to deserve your shit, cause after all, no one can love you for who you are. Look what society did to you." Now, I did as I said up until 11th mostly and definitely 12th grade. It all started cause of the fuckin internt. That's right I got sucked right the fuck in but understand this, if you love someone like 3 women I have loved on here deaarly, you'll do everything IN YOUR POWER to make it work and last. People tend not to believe that. Oh well, there problem for being a fuckin moron. Then again, Im the moron for being in love. Society I FUCKING HATE YOU. For the last 12-24 months you insisted on leading me on, and taking me down. Of course I'm going to buy it hook line and sinker, IM FUCKING VULNERABLE. Well, lets get on with the history lesson now.
Heather- Now, as I stated, I fell in love with people on the net. A selected few, but she is definitely one of them. From April 03-Sept 03. I was obsessed with her. Before this, we had a thing for each other but never offically had a thing. It's weird I know but hey. She has and will be my good friend from wwe chat. For 3 years now almost.
Sara B- Here's the big one, she started my downfall, the reason why I have no confidence today. You wanna see a example of someone played for a whole semster by a girl that is a goth no less? Well look no further then me. Grab your stools and take a seat, this is a danzy if I ever saw one. Now, the date is september 7th 2004. Im in this class and the bell is about to ring. There's only 6 people in and I'm like "Fucking sweet dude, only 6 people and im one of them. This is going to rule." Then as the bell rings in Playwriting and performance arts class in walks, behind her friend kara, a gorgeous short black haired blue eyed woman named Sara. I swear to you there was a glow to her. She sat in front of me no less. Could this be real I thought? We all got up and Introduced ourselves. I got up at my turn, said what about me as I sat she smiled. Didn't say a thing, but smiled. You knew I would go to fast and I almost did. Since it was real life and not the net, I held back a bit cause I had little confidence in myself. At the first time it was good. We slowly became friends as time progressed. Then I loss my senior Pass. Which means No Mcdonalds. I was pissed, so I ask her one day if I can walk with her to her next class. She said "sure." We talked and talked about things and after she went into her class in music I went to 5th period lunch. Then I find out she has 6th free. So you know what I did, hung out with her in Cafe A. Everything was great. Everyone was having fun, myself included, but that dreaded day during xmas break Ill never forget. I found out that I actually loved her. I mean really fuckin love her. Now, me being a total idiot about everything I changed my moods and she found out based on it. Anyone could. Then we started to talk about true love like a week before semester ends and she tells me she doesn't believe in true love. Of course she's into the art of sex constanly. Cause all I heard was all her b/fs outside the area that she screwed. Of course pissing me off beyond belief. Anyways, we both have poetry. Im in a group with a great friend of mine since 8th grade, Martin Hughes and a cool young lady named rebecca that was nice to know the time I was in poetry. Anyways, one day, as sara is working in her group straight ahead I whisper to martin "Dude, does sara know I have a thing for her." martin says "Yea she does, and she doesn't like it." That's all he had and did say cause I found myself glaring at her direction. My face or head didn't move but my eyes did. From the corner of my right eye at the end of the period she glared back and I just nodded. I knew what was meant from that point on. Two days later her and kara drop out of poetry. Now, me loving poetry I would have loved to stay, but the teacher sucked ass, not letting us be the poets we are and the history I had with sara just burned a hole in me. So I drop poetry. A week later in lunch, I can't take the tension, so I go back to Cafe A. Course she's there. Luckily not many others are. We talk and everything just fucks up from there. I storm out and I haven't spoken to her ever since. Although I fucking bet she perfers it that way. So in a matter of 6-7 months I go from nothing, to on top of the world, to worse then shit. I did it to myself though. No need to put the blame on her. She's way out of my league.
Maria- Now, I didn't pursue anyone else in person after sara for many reasons. I was pissed, busy and lazy. I graduated and had nothing to do for a while. So what did I do? Come back on the internet. Right before I get injured behind my right knee I meet this gorgeous young women from texas named Maria. I give her my number the day I go to the hospital and how I can't go on the net for a while cause I can't walk. anyways, that night, she calls and we just hook to each other. We talked about everything and I mean everything. I won't get into everything we talked about all Ill let you know is that we fell in love. That 2 months was so awesome. 8 hour phone conversations. Smiling, laughing and such for those 8 hours. Then she goes to college, everything goes downhill from there. At least me and her are good friends again. Of course Im jealous of manyy though. Not badly, but I still am. Oh no, you see Im jealous of one person the most. You'll see shortly.
Danielle- Again, I have a drought in between cause of shit. Anyways, I meet danielle on Yahoo one day and we clicked. She had a b/f at the time but we still talked. I got on cam and she told me I was cute. Then I dropped a good bomb. Am I fuckable? she said "Your a nine!" Then I find out shortly thereafterthat she broke up with her b/f and I asked to be with her. She said Yes and I was thrilled. Now, everything was going perfect. She lived in NY about 4-5 hours away from me and she wanted me to go with her to spring break. However, like the rest something bad happened. However, what hurts the most is that I did nothing wrong, yet I feel like I did. I love her and I always will. Im so jealous cause she has someone one better then me (read part one and you'll see why I want all my ex's new b/f's to be better then me)
Now, Im not going to get into Sora. Everything is just fucked up. I'd rather keep that for a seperate time. Too much shit.
Now, I have a thing for someone else now, Kirsten who is on my live journal. She's awesome and hope everything goes well with her. She deserves everything great. She's been a great friend to me.
Someone else im definitely having a thing for. A woman named Alexis. She's awesome. Just met her on myspace a few weeks ago. Hope to get to know her better.
I have a thing but I don't love these women. The ones with the story I love to this day. Oh well, To love never will mean you'll be loved back. If anything, it won't happen that way. To quote a friend of mine. "The personality matters, but if your not good looking, not rich and don't have luck. Your fucked"
How true is that...
Cause this is simply..my death warrant.
Heather- Now, as I stated, I fell in love with people on the net. A selected few, but she is definitely one of them. From April 03-Sept 03. I was obsessed with her. Before this, we had a thing for each other but never offically had a thing. It's weird I know but hey. She has and will be my good friend from wwe chat. For 3 years now almost.
Sara B- Here's the big one, she started my downfall, the reason why I have no confidence today. You wanna see a example of someone played for a whole semster by a girl that is a goth no less? Well look no further then me. Grab your stools and take a seat, this is a danzy if I ever saw one. Now, the date is september 7th 2004. Im in this class and the bell is about to ring. There's only 6 people in and I'm like "Fucking sweet dude, only 6 people and im one of them. This is going to rule." Then as the bell rings in Playwriting and performance arts class in walks, behind her friend kara, a gorgeous short black haired blue eyed woman named Sara. I swear to you there was a glow to her. She sat in front of me no less. Could this be real I thought? We all got up and Introduced ourselves. I got up at my turn, said what about me as I sat she smiled. Didn't say a thing, but smiled. You knew I would go to fast and I almost did. Since it was real life and not the net, I held back a bit cause I had little confidence in myself. At the first time it was good. We slowly became friends as time progressed. Then I loss my senior Pass. Which means No Mcdonalds. I was pissed, so I ask her one day if I can walk with her to her next class. She said "sure." We talked and talked about things and after she went into her class in music I went to 5th period lunch. Then I find out she has 6th free. So you know what I did, hung out with her in Cafe A. Everything was great. Everyone was having fun, myself included, but that dreaded day during xmas break Ill never forget. I found out that I actually loved her. I mean really fuckin love her. Now, me being a total idiot about everything I changed my moods and she found out based on it. Anyone could. Then we started to talk about true love like a week before semester ends and she tells me she doesn't believe in true love. Of course she's into the art of sex constanly. Cause all I heard was all her b/fs outside the area that she screwed. Of course pissing me off beyond belief. Anyways, we both have poetry. Im in a group with a great friend of mine since 8th grade, Martin Hughes and a cool young lady named rebecca that was nice to know the time I was in poetry. Anyways, one day, as sara is working in her group straight ahead I whisper to martin "Dude, does sara know I have a thing for her." martin says "Yea she does, and she doesn't like it." That's all he had and did say cause I found myself glaring at her direction. My face or head didn't move but my eyes did. From the corner of my right eye at the end of the period she glared back and I just nodded. I knew what was meant from that point on. Two days later her and kara drop out of poetry. Now, me loving poetry I would have loved to stay, but the teacher sucked ass, not letting us be the poets we are and the history I had with sara just burned a hole in me. So I drop poetry. A week later in lunch, I can't take the tension, so I go back to Cafe A. Course she's there. Luckily not many others are. We talk and everything just fucks up from there. I storm out and I haven't spoken to her ever since. Although I fucking bet she perfers it that way. So in a matter of 6-7 months I go from nothing, to on top of the world, to worse then shit. I did it to myself though. No need to put the blame on her. She's way out of my league.
Maria- Now, I didn't pursue anyone else in person after sara for many reasons. I was pissed, busy and lazy. I graduated and had nothing to do for a while. So what did I do? Come back on the internet. Right before I get injured behind my right knee I meet this gorgeous young women from texas named Maria. I give her my number the day I go to the hospital and how I can't go on the net for a while cause I can't walk. anyways, that night, she calls and we just hook to each other. We talked about everything and I mean everything. I won't get into everything we talked about all Ill let you know is that we fell in love. That 2 months was so awesome. 8 hour phone conversations. Smiling, laughing and such for those 8 hours. Then she goes to college, everything goes downhill from there. At least me and her are good friends again. Of course Im jealous of manyy though. Not badly, but I still am. Oh no, you see Im jealous of one person the most. You'll see shortly.
Danielle- Again, I have a drought in between cause of shit. Anyways, I meet danielle on Yahoo one day and we clicked. She had a b/f at the time but we still talked. I got on cam and she told me I was cute. Then I dropped a good bomb. Am I fuckable? she said "Your a nine!" Then I find out shortly thereafterthat she broke up with her b/f and I asked to be with her. She said Yes and I was thrilled. Now, everything was going perfect. She lived in NY about 4-5 hours away from me and she wanted me to go with her to spring break. However, like the rest something bad happened. However, what hurts the most is that I did nothing wrong, yet I feel like I did. I love her and I always will. Im so jealous cause she has someone one better then me (read part one and you'll see why I want all my ex's new b/f's to be better then me)
Now, Im not going to get into Sora. Everything is just fucked up. I'd rather keep that for a seperate time. Too much shit.
Now, I have a thing for someone else now, Kirsten who is on my live journal. She's awesome and hope everything goes well with her. She deserves everything great. She's been a great friend to me.
Someone else im definitely having a thing for. A woman named Alexis. She's awesome. Just met her on myspace a few weeks ago. Hope to get to know her better.
I have a thing but I don't love these women. The ones with the story I love to this day. Oh well, To love never will mean you'll be loved back. If anything, it won't happen that way. To quote a friend of mine. "The personality matters, but if your not good looking, not rich and don't have luck. Your fucked"
How true is that...
Cause this is simply..my death warrant.