The Chronociles of Disaffection and Heartbreak part 4: Fuck it, I can't be fixed.
Now, before I go on to part four I need to say this in all fairness; Thank you. Thank you to each and every one of my closest friends for everything. Even if it's from 1 month, 2 months, 6 months, a year, 2 years, 5 years+, thank you forhaving to put up with my shit for how ever long you have. You deserve a fuckin medal for that. Cause I've been fucked up. I'll always be fucked up to. Now, let me digress.
Yesterday and last night I found out that I can't be fixed, no matter what. Im sadly the exception of every rule, and I mean every rule. You see as it pertains to love, life and the pursuit of happiness I can never truly be loved for who I am. Now, before some of you say that I can, think about it for a second. Ok, now can I? Cause if I could then I think one realtionship would have lasted for me. Look at the givens people. Anyways, what happened was two things.
1) One of my exs told me that if I lived by her, everything would have been different there. Just like the rest and it scares me. I've been told that time and time again and well most of them lied. I'd like to think that she's not lying, but history is against me after all.
2) I won't get into this much. My dad got drunk and he was bitching about the divorce. So I just said fuck it left for the night and didn't come back till 8:00am. So I'm on no sleep and a fiery passion of finding out EVERYTHING THAT IS THE TRUTH.
Anyways, based on the last 2 weeks of shit, I don't know if I should be as out going anymore. I mean, look what happens to me. I can be loved for who I am? A fat ass? Prove it. Seriously I need fuckin proof at this point. I appreciate it alot that you believe in me and all, it's just im so down and nearly out that I need proof at this point.
Again, thank you to all my friends for putting up with me and my shit. You never deserved it. Im sorry
Yesterday and last night I found out that I can't be fixed, no matter what. Im sadly the exception of every rule, and I mean every rule. You see as it pertains to love, life and the pursuit of happiness I can never truly be loved for who I am. Now, before some of you say that I can, think about it for a second. Ok, now can I? Cause if I could then I think one realtionship would have lasted for me. Look at the givens people. Anyways, what happened was two things.
1) One of my exs told me that if I lived by her, everything would have been different there. Just like the rest and it scares me. I've been told that time and time again and well most of them lied. I'd like to think that she's not lying, but history is against me after all.
2) I won't get into this much. My dad got drunk and he was bitching about the divorce. So I just said fuck it left for the night and didn't come back till 8:00am. So I'm on no sleep and a fiery passion of finding out EVERYTHING THAT IS THE TRUTH.
Anyways, based on the last 2 weeks of shit, I don't know if I should be as out going anymore. I mean, look what happens to me. I can be loved for who I am? A fat ass? Prove it. Seriously I need fuckin proof at this point. I appreciate it alot that you believe in me and all, it's just im so down and nearly out that I need proof at this point.
Again, thank you to all my friends for putting up with me and my shit. You never deserved it. Im sorry